Under the Shadow of Sins.

Short Story by: denada

Reads: 1414 | Likes: 1 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 7

AS I walked alone through the shadow of my sins, from far away I could hear the echo of my prayers. I suddenly stopped; it was my soul that begged for mercy. I walked a little bit further into the next step to be taken and I was surprised with the time that had gone. From far away I could hear the rhythm of time, that weird tic-tac that I never realized before.

Time has been so fatal through the years that went by doing nothing but complaining about the challenges of life. Time it was gone like a late guest that couldn’t be able to reach for the last scene of its own drama, and now it could just see the curtain that were closing. AS I turning my head back I could see the fogginess of my doings. Over there I could discern every little thing that has passed by in fully silence, the gladness of every moment that had fulfilled the goblet of my soul with a right doing and that hasted moment that the sinful evil had invited me with a wrong doing.

I continued walking like a somnambulist that had just been coming from an infernal night in which even the moon couldn’t be seen. I couldn’t even seen the brightness of the stars coming out of the sky, but deep down my soul there was something else brightening me.

I set next to that sidewalk on that antic rocky place and over there I could touch part of my heart as it used to be before. Hopeless, forgotten somewhere between xhennet and xhehenem , thirsty for that precious street of xhennet, exactly there in the middle of that light I didn’t knew from where it was coming from, right there I turned from east and through that infernal night I could see the greatest light and the greatest faith my soul was able to carry.

As the eyes of my mind started to shed some repentance tears that slowly started to create some cannels inside my heart, through the walls of my soul it started to spread the notes of the sounds ALLAH, and while this happened they started to be slammed through all the existing corners placing them self really deep down there, with no repentance, no doubts and no fear. Over there I had found my self alone with my creator and this had fulfilled me while I started to put life and death into a meaning that equaled my own existence on this planet.

As I bowed to worship ALLAH I looked beyond everything as I reached the name

ALLAH EKBER…

Submitted: October 12, 2009

Commercial Fiction love romance faith devotion relidgion

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Comments

NazireC

That was good, very moving.
And I am assuming you're muslim as well?

Wed, October 14th, 2009 3:18pm

Author
Reply

Hello!

Thx for your comment!
And yes i am muslim!
thx a lot for the comment.
denada

Wed, October 14th, 2009 8:29am

translingual writer 79

I'm not muslim, but I also liked it and was moved by it.

Mon, November 2nd, 2009 1:34pm

Author
Reply

thx, i really appriciate your opinion.

Tue, November 3rd, 2009 2:05am

donkylemore

This is quite a complex piece. I get the impression that you did actually experience this conflict which is within us. Its conscience . It is a tyranical. despotic master.
You recover . You see lights..
Have you ever had a general anaesthetic. or a near death experience.
This is very like what the narrator here is expressing.
I have experienced this on both sides. I was the casualty once and the physician once .
Why ddi you / the narrator turn away from the East. Was she not about to pray. Small pedantic point , but I spent a good part of my career among the Muslim community in Lebanon , Syria, Jordan, Israel.
It is quite a masteful piece. Perhaps it is too much to pack into one work.
If I may make one small criticism it would be that work contains too many references to lights .. the reader knows there is only one 'true ' light .. but it seems to flicker a little.
The intensity of the feeling is well expressed , which makes it a very real read.
That is why I wonder if it might have been written in 2 parts.. I'm not exactly sure how this would be structured, but this piece deserves some fine tuning , if I dare be so bold.
So much of the stuff I read here is beyond any restructuring.. beyond any salvation , to the extent that I couldnt bother making any suggestions .
This is worth working a bit more on.
It is good , but I know you know you could make it better.
Please accept this long-winded comment as constructive . That was my intention,

Don

Tue, November 3rd, 2009 2:44am

Author
Reply

Dear Don!
First of all I thank you so much for taking the time to read my short stories.
I am amazed at the way you have putted your opinion so much valuable to me.
I have created these short stories I have putt on Booksie just for the reader to get to know me, now that I have finished my first book, and am writing my next novel.
Actually I have thought it my self that each story I have represented on booksie I could expand it into more feelings, much more history inside, but therefore I have been preoccupied with my novel, that’s all.
I think you have made a good point and very much valuable to me.
I thank you from my heart really, and I appreciate.
denada

Tue, November 3rd, 2009 2:13am

Black Enigma

MashAllah! May Allah bless you...really nice:)

Mon, November 9th, 2009 12:36pm

Author
Reply

thank you very much, and may Allah bless you and your family also!

thx denada

Mon, November 9th, 2009 10:28am

Graeme Montrose

Wonderful story well put! I lived 13 years in the mideast and eight in Pakistan so it was realy to me a deep and masterfully penned pice of work. May /Allah's blessing be on your pen!

Thu, November 12th, 2009 3:27pm

Author
Reply

thanks a lot!

i hope that Allah blesses you and your family also!

thx!
denada

Thu, November 12th, 2009 8:23am

Mistress of Word Play

I thought you did an incredible job my dear friend. This was so touching and moving as our faith and love of the Creator should be. I think we all believe in the same entity but He is known by different names. You my friend deeply affected me with this write. A gem. Susan :)

Mon, November 23rd, 2009 4:52pm

Author
Reply

Dear Susan, I thank you so much for understanding the purpose of my writing, you put so much good notes over my writing and i thank you so deeply for making me grow as a writer. thx denada

Tue, November 24th, 2009 1:41am