The story of my life

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic
A look inside ...

Submitted: March 14, 2008

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Submitted: March 14, 2008

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It is a hard time, one of the hardest in my life. I'm lost again. I have lost my sense to life, i have gone into the black hole of eternity. I don't know where i am , i don't know who i am. Getting drunk does not save me, i am bond to solitude. There is a pain, a constant pain inside of me ... it hurts, my soul is burning, my life is fading away. Where I am? I thought i know the answer. Who I am? I hoped someone will tell me. I hoped someone will save me. If you stop looking, it means you stopped being alive. I have stopped looking long time ago, i am living in an illusion. In a universe i don't understand, in a universe i can't survive. THIS IS NOT MY TIME, THIS IS NOT MY PLACE, THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ME. The pain cannot be explained, the damage cannot be undone. I am heading to the end and i hope it will be a quick one. I am giving up, i don't want to fight anymore, i just want to rest, i just want to dissapear and end the misery of my life. They did not operate me of feelings, i wish they did. I have done awful things in my life and awful things have been done to me. I forgive ... and hope will be forgiven. Life! What life? I got no life! I am in the dark here, do you understand. I am in the dark. It is a blackness spreading in my soul, so dark that it blows out the sun if it ever was there. I am trying to explain something that is not explainable ... there are no words for this one ... i did not suppose there is so much pain, so hard, so heavy that words are missing for explanation. Do we get our nemesis in the end of our path? Or we die loosing our vitality because of the bleeding all through the whole way? I am gratefull for what i have ... others don't understand what i see and saw and don't realize that we are born blind ... and if we do not make something about it we stay blind all life ... i thank God i saw and see ... with great gifts comes the great burdon ... with every treasure and knowledge we gain, comes the greater curse. You do not explain emptyness ... you do not explain harm. You just keep on forward automatically and actually not going forward but returning back .... with your amputated spirit. And if the spirit fails, the man will fall. Crossroads are the choices we make ... which path we have to take, is it the right one? ... I have lost account of my choices but i did not give up ... so far. The scariest thing is that probably i am getting used to this blackness, and emptyness has become a part of my so called life ... and i just have to admit it. Do not loose the choice time fellows, that might save or ruin your life. It's up to you!


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