Opening Up, Coming Out.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

My coming out story.

I've been hiding for awhile, figuratively and literally. I've been in the closet for years, why? Why would anyone that identifies as anything other than straight stay in the closet? Well, here's my story.

 

I am 18 years of age. I have lived in a small town in the world for my whole life, and everything was going swell. I lost my father at the young age of 7, the first man that I had to wave good- bye too. Lost, and confused that was the first year after he died. I waved good- bye to my mother who was consumed by her grief and filled the empty hole in her heart with alcohol. That's when my adventure began, I moved into my older sister's home. She took me away from the pain that I would have dealt with, yes, I was still damaged by the mother's boyfriends and her (mother), but I was out of there.

 

My sister is one of the most influential people in my life. Yes, we have rough patches, but it would be weird if we didn't. My sister has taught me many life lessons, and for that I thank her. One of the best things she has taught me is that it is okay to be you, to be different, and stand out. Because without standing out, who the hell are you in the world? Just another spec of dust.

 

Thursday, June 19, 2014.

June 19, I came out to my best friend, my sister and my mother.

 

Coming out was hard for me, it's hard for most people. Why was it hard for me? It was hard for me because of my mom. My mom is what I would call old fashioned. In her generation anybody who did not identify as straight shouldn't be allowed, it's not right, there's something wrong with them, it's a choice that we make, and it's the wrong one. It should always be a man and a woman together, not man and man, woman and woman. I've been hypothetical with my mother for years, "what would you do if one of us weren't straight?" "I would disown you." I would disown you, the hardest point in my life. My mother would disown me. I shoved my feelings so far back into the closet, and all the way down to the cellar of my heart, it wasn't coming out until the day I died... or Thursday, June 19, 2014 after I graduated. How could I be open with my mother when she said straight to my face that she would disown me? It was hard.

 

Thursday, June 19, 2014. My best friend was crazy supportive. "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A LESBIAN BESTIE...wait, you said male and female, I HAVE A BI BESTIE!" She made my anxiety levels dramatically decrease, and made me start laughing like she always does. I felt safe, at least I knew I would still have her in my life.

 

Next up, was my sister and my mother. I wasn't sure if I should sit down with them together or separate. I went with talking to my mother first. I asked her if we could go outside and talk, but something happened just after that and I ended up as a mess crying. "What's wrong? Talk to me, what happened?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell her anymore. It was hard, the words disown you kept popping back into my head. I took a deep breath, tried to calm the hysteria, and laughed. I told her vaguely at first, and she didn't understand. I sighed, and then braced myself for the words that were about to leave my mouth.

"I'm nervous, I'm scared of what you will think." I said, looking down at my hands.

"I'll always love you, nothing can change that." She said looking me in the eyes.

"I'm not straight. I'm bisexual. I'm into both, guys and girls."

The moment of truth. She looked at me, serious face, and said "Nothing will ever stop me from loving you." The best moment of my life, she made me feel okay. The words that were once stuck in my head were no longer there, they vanished. I stood up, she stood up, and we hugged one another for a solid minute. It was reassuring, she wouldn't tell me to leave, she wouldn't stop loving me, I was and always be, her daughter.

 

My sister was next, I went into her bedroom knowing what I wanted to say, just unsure of how to say it. But I knew she would be okay with this, she never showed any anger/ hate towards anyone other than straight. In the end she smiled at me, and said she's always known. That right there, just shows me how much she actually pays attention even when I don't think she does. It was easy with her, it has been since I opened up to her a year ago.

 

Here's a question I've already been faced with though, "How did you know? When did you know?"

I don't think I could say I ever knew when per se, I can say that I've felt more compelled to come out more now than ever. I've been reading/ listening to a lot of people's coming out stories, and I figured if I tell the people closest to me now, then if they aren't happy, I'm leaving in two months anyways. How did I know? I've always known...no. For awhile there I was in denial, because I had a bad first relationship. I thought I was just turned off because of the guy who happened to be an asshole, and that's all it was. But that wasn't the case at all, yeah he was an ass, and still is, that doesn't change anything. But, I think I've always sort of known, I just kept it well hidden in the back of my mind.

 

By the end of Thursday, June 19, 2014... I was and am happy. I'm happy that I opened up to some family and my best friend. I'm happy that they're okay with it. But most of all, I'm happy with myself. I opened up, and yes, I still have to tell the rest of my family, but if they don't accept me, that's okay, because I know that these three people will always accept me.

 

I am forever thankful, and that this ended the way it did.


Submitted: June 21, 2014

© Copyright 2020 desjane1. All rights reserved.

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Comments

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MightyDeath

I'm happy for you that your mother didn't react all crazy about you getting out of the closet. How did your sister know? It sounds weird that your sister may have known it earlier than you. I think it's brave to come out of the closet when you don't know how the people around you will react. Especially when you get those reactions of your loved ones when you are just being hypothetical. The reaction of your best friend was awesome ^^ Congratulations??? with coming out of the closet :D I hope this will enable you to be yourself and it will help take a weight off your shoulders. And good luck with telling the rest of your family. I'm sure they'll react well to it :3

Sat, June 21st, 2014 8:28pm

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I think I've always known, I always questioned myself, and when questioning myself I would talk to my sister or I would be talking aloud and my sister would be listening. But I also started bring the topic up more within the house and she's always been smarter than I give her credit for. Thank you ^.^

Wed, June 25th, 2014 9:44am

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InCaylable

I totally identify with the whole old fashion parent thing. Well, I'm only 16 now and I have 2 brothers who are 25 and 14. And my Dad has said something like the "I'll disown you if you're gay" thing many times. So I'm sure if one of my brothers were gay they'd be pretty worried too. But like you said, parents say stuff but in the end they always love you no matter what. Siblings too. Your closest family members always have your back. I'm glad you came out and are happy now. Different sexualities are so not a bad thing. More people should get with the program. Awesome piece by the way :D

Sun, June 22nd, 2014 12:18am

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Thank you! :) Yes, more people should get with it.

Wed, June 25th, 2014 9:33am

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James William Cooper

Absolutely beautiful Kaitlynn, such a wonderful and touching piece that you've written here. As you've rightfully mentioned, even though times have changed and attitudes have changed, there are still people who believe that a relationship should consist of a man and a woman, rather than a man with a man or a woman with a woman... But times have changed now and I think it's wonderful that people such as yourself are discovering who you really are and discovering the sexuality that you are comfortable with. I don't think that anyone should be put down or looked down upon simply because they are not of a sexuality that others would like them to believe and follow. It's great that you are embracing who you are and it's nice to know that you are finally happy with being able to tell your Mother, Sister and your friend and the fact that they were really supportive and didn't care that you were bi-sexual. I think that's how parents should be with their children whatever their sexuality... So long as someone is comfortable in this, then that is what is most important. :) I just cannot believe that there are some parents out there who would essentially 'disown' their own child if they found out that they were gay or bi-sexual or lesbian. To me, this just seems wrong because no matter what sexuality a child is comfortable with, parents should still love them regardless and should always be supportive and allow their children to grow and be happy in life. What I really liked in your piece, was the part where you mentioned that your Sister said "It's okay to be you, to be different and to stand out." I think that's a great way of looking at things because as your Sister rightfully says, it is okay to be you and to be different and stand out from the rest of the crowd. Why follow what everyone else does? Why become a sheep and mindlessly follow what others do, when you can do your own thing and follow your own path in life, the path that you yourself feel comfortable in following. What I also liked, was when your Sister said to you "Because without standing out, who the hell are you in the world?" Absolutely true, if we don't stand out and be an individual then who are we really? We just end up like other people and becoming a follower, rather than a leader. At one point when you mentioned that your Mother said about disowning you if you were to tell her that you were bi-sexual... But what was truly beautiful was when you told your Mother and she replied "Nothing will ever stop me from loving you." I thought that was absolutely wonderful and I loved the fact that your Mother didn't care that you were bi-sexual, and that she would always love you no matter what and that's how parents should be with their children. I can imagine your relief and happiness that your Mother accepted you for you and didn't care when you told her that you were bi-sexual. What I really liked in the whole of the piece, was the fact that the people who you told were very supportive and would always love you no matter what... To them, you were still their friend, their daughter and their Sister which I think is lovely. I loved the ending, where you spoke of your happiness about being happy with yourself and the fact that your Mother, Sister and your best friend were supportive. If people decide not to be supportive of you and don't accept you for who you are, then they aren't worth your time... So long as you have people in your life who accept you for you and accept your sexuality then that is all that matters in the end. Such a wonderful piece Kaitlynn, thank you so much for sharing this with us. You've done a great job and I'm pleased that you are happy with whom you are and that you have support of great people in your life... Good for you! :) Take great care and all the very best to you. :) Have a wonderful day.

Sun, June 22nd, 2014 11:01am

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brucek

you are blessed to have such a solid base. i'm straight, but there was something i also hid. in my case, with my older brother already the black sheep in the family, and my sister a straight "A" student, i felt i couldn't tell them i was being bullied in school. i felt terribly ashamed. i'm 54 now, and back then there wasn't any awareness for what bullying did to people. i didn't want anyone to know. i thought my parents would have thought they failed at another child, and i was ashamed at my weakness for not being able to stop it. by the way, this was well written. it had a loving, calming feel to it. good job.

Tue, June 24th, 2014 2:35am

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Thank you.

Wed, June 25th, 2014 9:32am

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tigur112

You're cool

Tue, July 1st, 2014 1:06pm

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Emily Burke

Such an inspiring story! I was hooked from beginning to end and I'm so happy that you're happy with who you are and that your family and friends are too!
It must have been such a difficult thing to do, but you did it and nothing changed :)
In regards to your writing, this was beautifully written, it was told at a nice pace and I could definitely see that it came straight from the heart.
Keep writing because you have a talent!
Also, I'd love if you checked out my short story 'Realisations' and told me what you thought of it!

Wed, July 2nd, 2014 9:47pm

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Jane Conner

You wrote this well, it was honnest, personal and sensitive. I'm happy everything went ok, and I think you were very brave! being an anxious person myself I get how scary these things are, and I wish you the best of luck! agian, really well written :)

Fri, July 4th, 2014 12:44pm

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Thank you (:

Fri, July 4th, 2014 8:51am

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Robert Price

You are such a sweetheart. I have many friends who are homosexual or bisexual and know what it is like from them growing up and trying to 'come out.' I understand that it is hard and you want people to accept you. I see people who they are. I don't judge because someone likes the same sex, I don't argue. Why should I? Love is love and whether it is man and woman, woman and woman, man and man, love is just the same. You cannot help who you fall in love with and that is just that. You all are very brave to do this and not afraid no more to speak it aloud. So lovely and beautiful.

Sat, July 5th, 2014 8:56pm

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Thank you, and yes, love is love, I don't see the difference.

Wed, July 9th, 2014 1:12pm

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katcher

This is great! It made me anxious reading it. I too am bisexual and have what you would call very southern style traditional parents. I'm 17 and I have no clue how to tell them or if I even want to tell them. This is beautiful though and I'm glad that you and your family are okay!

Sun, July 6th, 2014 5:19am

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Thank you :) and the choice is all up to you, don't feel pressured to tell if you don't want too.

Sun, July 6th, 2014 4:26pm

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BlazingFire01

This is a pretty good story. I like how you did the beginning. I'm kinda new to this site and just added one of my stories. It would be nice if you checked it out

Tue, July 15th, 2014 1:07am

Author
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Thank you, and I'd be glad too!

Mon, July 14th, 2014 6:12pm

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Chris Green

This is a very good report. Well written and heartfelt. Perhaps you could also turn it into a piece of fiction and create a little tension around it.
Regards
Chris

Tue, July 15th, 2014 5:08am

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ckefler

Coming out is so hard! OMG, it's one of the hardest things I've done. I'm bisexual and I remember being asked in HS by my family why I didn't have a boyfriend. Loved your writing!

Tue, July 15th, 2014 9:20am

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Thank you! And yes, it was such a challenge.

Tue, July 15th, 2014 10:38am

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OneBeardtoRuleThemAll

This was a beautiful story! You are truly an inspiration! Some of my best friends are lesbian and bisexual, and they really struggled with coming out. I'm so glad everything worked out for you!I love your writing style, it flows so well. Keep up the amazing work! :)

Tue, July 15th, 2014 5:26pm

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Thank you!

Tue, July 15th, 2014 10:39am

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mohsina alam

I don't know if this is real, like it actually happened to you or not, but it sure felt real. I'm glad that it was all alright for her and everyone was really kind about it and not so homophobic! This was great :)

Fri, July 18th, 2014 9:36am

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Thank you, and this most definitely happened to me.

Sun, July 20th, 2014 4:01pm

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zeenath

Nice story, seemed very real. KMU!
xoxo-Z

Sat, July 19th, 2014 6:44pm

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thanks.

Sun, July 20th, 2014 4:02pm

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IzzyFBB

Takes courage to come out. I did it when I was in high school. It was one of the hardest but most freeing experiences of my life. My girlfriend at the time and I came out together. Thank you for sharing your experience!

Izzy

Tue, July 22nd, 2014 12:39am

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Thanks.

Tue, August 19th, 2014 2:47pm

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Raga

It is an amazing piece..I know its a serious issue..some people accept it while some oppose it but its all on us what we want to so I guess you did it right and its good that everybody accptd you..keep the good work..:)

Wed, July 23rd, 2014 6:49pm

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Beyond true, and thank you.

Wed, July 23rd, 2014 12:22pm

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simon arthur

That was an awesome piece of writing. I'm glade you're mother was accepting of you being bisexual. It doesn't matter who you fall in love with.

I see in your memoir that your dad died when you were 7. I can relate to that as my real dad died when I was five years old. I didn't even remember his death.

Anyway it was a well written piece and a like from me.

Sun, September 21st, 2014 4:19am

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Charlotte Beau

It was a good story that you put up here, and It became a great One as It was really your story, bravo! I like it :-)

Sat, May 23rd, 2015 10:17am

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thank you! :)

Sat, May 23rd, 2015 10:36am

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ShaeK

you're very talented writer I'm not sure if it's real but it sure felt like it but this is truly amazing to keep up the good work.

Mon, June 15th, 2015 12:02am

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