Lost Hopes, Found Dreams

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
For anyone who has ever felt alone or has been bullied this is for you. I myself may never have felt this pain, but I know plenty who have and I am often the person who tries and stops the pain. This is a story of redemption, and new found dreams. Hope is never truly lost.

Submitted: July 14, 2012

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Submitted: July 14, 2012



Lost Hopes, Found Dreams

Each raindrop fell to the ground with force, just as my heart had sunk to oblivion. To my left, no one, to my right, just the same. Nothingness. The silence had become painful, yet the words I did hear were worse. Hate, abandonment, left here to die in a tunnel that connects to the alley way in which I traveled with her everyday. Is this how it will end? In a dark hole that mirrors my thoughts? The rain is building up now, and so are my thoughts. Did she know she would leave me like this? She must have know... she must have.

Three Days Earlier

March 17th, Monday. Great another Monday. I find myself counting down the days till I'm out of this place we like to call "school," that can quickly be related to hell. I'm not sure what I did to these people to deserve all this bullying just yet, but I"ll figure it out one day. One day when I'm the boss of a huge company and they're working under me. Besides, I have Emma. No matter what gets thrown are way, she always knows how to deal with it. She's my source of life, my only friend. Beautiful red hair, that could resemble fire any day; eyes as green as spring grass. She was perfect, and she saw me as perfect, even though I will never believe her on that. But we have each other, and together we are unstoppable.

Walk out the front door, jump the fence, cross the street, climb the tree, meet in the alley way. It was the same everyday after school; and I loved it. It was our sanctuary, the place where nothing wrong ever happened. Looking around I see she isn't here yet, and sit down on the overgrown grass. I look to my left and see something I have never seen down here before... a flower. Not just any flower though, a tulip. "Never seen one of those here before." There she was, standing behind me with the quietness of a mouse. "About time you got here." I say in my usual sarcastic voice. But when I look up, she doesn't have her usual smiling face. "You don't have to be that way every time I'm a little late. I'm the one usually waiting."All I could think is that's not the usual Emma. "You alright, Emma?" I look up again to see if my words had any effect on her, and they have. Tears soon follow, and they hit the ground of the alley way one by one. "I'm sorry. I went to the doctors today. They said I'm depressed and I need pills. I don't need any pills, I'm fine! Why do people always have to act as if there is something wrong with me!" The sadness I had just seen turned into anger, and now the tears werenowaccompanied by a red face. I stand up, and while I'm not the hugging person, I fall into her arms. "There is nothing wrong with you Emma. You're the best person I know." I pull away and I realize that the feeling she has isn't sadness or anger; its desperation. "Depression is just when you havehad to be strong for to long. And it has been to long. But it'll be over soon, and things will get better. I promise." I say. "Will they? This world is messed up Meghan, and it isn't getting any better. It never will." If looks could kill, I'd be dead right now. "Listen, I have to get home. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Before I could answer she's gone, quiet as if not to wake the sleeping birds in the tree we always climb.

March 18th, Tuesday. An odd occasion really, me actually wanting to go to school. Was she okay? Will she be there? I needed to know. The hallways were crowded as always, but I knew where she would be. I quick walk, half because I wanted to get there as fast as possible, half because I didn't feel like being criticized by girls who think that something makes them better. I burst in and there she is, leaning against the wall, hair parted perfectly. "I'm feeling a ditch day coming on, how about you?" I just smile, because who would refuse that right? We stay to the walls, trying to get to the doors, when of course someone ruins it. I feel a tug on my pony tail and then a hand bashing my face into the wall. There's that stinging pain again. I think to myself over and over... stay quiet, wait for it to be over, it'll all be over soon; I know it. Soon I'm surrounded by a group of girls as they call me a whole book of names. I stand there trying to keep my cool, but I feel that pinching sadness, and I can't help when the tears start rolling. Then it hits me, where is Emma?

I feel a hand wrap around my wrist and know the beating is probably starting again. But instead I find myself pushing the mob that has formed out of the way and the wind coming from the sweet, spring air hit my face. But we don't stop there, we keep running, and the sound of heavy breathing soon turns into laughter as we think of what we have just accomplished: our first step in standing up against these people. We reach the edge of the woods and slow down to a walk. But we aren't going to talk till we get there... to the alley way. Not a word is said till we get to a locked wooden door that leads into our sanctuary... no getting in now. "Bummer." She sits down in a little tube like tunnel and motions for me to sit. "Well that went well, Thanks." She smiles, which I'll admit I was so desperate to see. Funny how just yesterday she was the one needing me, and now I require her. Its just how our friendship goes I suppose. "I've been wanting to do that for awhile." That's when she lifts up the bottom of her shirt, and I see cut into her; "Useless." I am at a loss of words, why would she do something like this?! She is the strong one, not me. "Emma, you need to stop." As if those words would really get to her, get to her in the dark hole she has already dug herself in. "I want to say sorry, Meghan. I really shouldn't be putting this on you, but I don't have anyone else. I know you have your own problems..." I cut her off with another hug, and I can't help feeling that this should be a treasured moment. "I'll always be there for you. Whether its in a fight or on my dying breath, I'll be there." We get up in silence, but I can't help but not let her go. To many people have done that to her already. "Thank you, Meghan." And that is when she walks away, never looking back.

March 19th, Wednesday. I didn't get any sleep last night. She seemed so set on something, like she had just excepted a fate, a fate I didn't want to see happen. She's not at school, and I'm not in the mood for any of these girls. If they said anything today, I didn't hear it. The few things that got to me, I left to vent about later. The school bell rings, but I don't go to the alley way. I run to her house and knock on the front door, and soon her mother answers. "Meghan! How nice it is to see you again! Why, it's been ages!" I always did love her mom, but in the back of my mind I see a fuse, and its burning quickly. "Is Emma home?" "Yes, she's right upstairs, in her room I believe."I make a b-line for the stairs which are right in front of the door. My hand in on her bedroom door knob...

That's when I see the slits in both of her wrists, the blood on the floor, and the whiteness of her face. The knife is still in her right hand when I go to catch her as she falls to her knees. I take the knife and throw it across the room, I never want to see it again. "Emma!" The life is pouringfrom her arms, and all I am doing is sitting on my knees yelling her name as if it will help. I tear off the bottom of my shirt and try to wrap it around the cuts, but its no use. The blood keeps pouring, the life is disappearing, the fuse is burnt out. "I'm sorry Meghan. I love you like a sister... Don't ever give up on me." And that's when the last breath is drawn, and my best friend, my sister, my life line, lays dead in my arms. I shout, but I can't hear it. I cry, but I can't feel anything. Her parents come in and drop to the floor, but I don't notice. All I see is her face, and memories of happier times come. But reality soon comes back like a kick in the teeth, and I can't take it anymore. I lay her down gently and run out the door, oblivious to what her parents said. I need to go somewhere safe, and I need it now.

So here I am, laying in a little ball as I sob in a tunnel. The storm has come with my tears, and the rain joins in on my sadness. My life line has been destroyed... I've been destroyed. There's nothing left now. There is no friend at my side to laugh with. There is no love. There is no one. I look up and there is no bright sky, and the whole world seems gray. And that's when I see it, right at my left. Out of all the grey and bleakness is the speck of light. A tulip, dug up and shining red, leans against the tunnel. She knew I would be here. I grab it and put it to my heart, as if it was her, and I could feel her breath just one last time. I shut my eyes and smell the plant, andI remember the better times. But will it ever be the same again? Can I ever truly be happy again? I open my eyes and realize I'm still in a nightmare. I look to my right, as if she would really be standing there... but instead I find a letter folded and taped to the side.I peel it off and recognize the hand writing right away. It's hers. This is the last I'll ever hear from her.

Dear Meghan,

I'm sorry I had to do this to you. And I understand if you feel this is selfish. But I had too. Everything that use to be happy for me just made me sadder, thinking of the times when everything was okay. Right now, you may be considering doing the same, but don't. You need to live on, and live that life well. Live for me, Meghan. Be successful, find love, don't give up. You've always been the stronger one. Just remember you are perfect to me, and I'll always love you, you'll be my sister forever. One day you're going to forget about me, and I don't want you to feel bad. Everyone dies at some point, mine was just sooner. Don't let this life pass you by like I did, live this life, and don't ever give it away.

Love, Emma.

At first I feel the need to cry. Then I realize this is never what she would've wanted. I put the letter in my pocket and cup the flower in my hands. I stare at it for awhile, and soon make a promise to myself in my mind. For every petal this rose has, I'll accomplish one of my dreams and one of hers. Walking home, I start to cry again, wondering what I am going to do at school without her. I won't have back up anymore. I won't have anyone any more. But I can't think like that. I miss her so badly, but I can't just give up like this. No. I'm not going to end it like this. Not in a tunnel somewhere. I'm moving on.

I wake up the next morning and seen the rose in the vase that we had painted when we were five years old. Its time to live our lives. I walk into school, no fear. Even though she is gone, I feel she is closer then ever. That's when the first bully walks up, Jessica, the leader of the whole click. "Where's your savior today, hmm?" I put on the most serious face I could ever have and say "She's dead. Now I'm going to live both of our lives. I would appreciate if you would get out of them." For once I do feel like the strong one. Jessica and her followers look at me with shocked faces, and obviously there is no come back to that. It's over now. I, Meghan, will never be bullied again. Some may try, but they'll never get to me. She's still protecting me. And while I may never be the same again, I'll never stop trying, for her.

Years passed, the rose became wilted. Each time a petal fell, I thought of something I wanted to accomplish, and I have. The rose is now gone, never to be seen again. I thought for many days after that about what I would do now, for there was no goal. That is when I decided I would make my own goals now. I suppose she is really out of my life now, but never forgot. I'm living this life now, and I hope that all of you reading this will realize that life isn't something to throw away. You need to charish it, and make it yours.

Best of luck,


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