Chivalry Is Not Dead

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

In a world where chivalry is said to be dead. One man tries to revive this ancient form of gentlemen.

Gessebelle was a promiscuous, nymphomaniacal, sexual super hero. She was up for anything and went down on everything. Gessebelle was her given name, Gess is what her friends called her. Everyone else in town called her Gesm, because of how closely it resembled the word Jism, a protein Gessebelle couldn't get enough of.

Gessebelle had a reputation around the small town of Wethole, Ontario, a reputation she was proud to embrace. There's no shame in the fact that some people need to get their rocks off, and some virgins need deflowering, and Gessebelle was a certified geologist and florist. Sometimes people had fantasies that they couldn't admit to their wives, in these cases Gessebelle was a highly trained sex therapist.

The townspeople of Wethole Ontario would laugh at Gessebelle and tease her about her sexual exploits, never truly understanding what she did for the community. Gessebelle was always there to lend a helping hand, or mouth, or vagina. She provided a sexual outlet for the hermits and shut ins. How many men would still be virgins with out Gessebelle there to show them the way. How many women in the town would have been asked to commit disgusting sexual acts, without Gessebelle there to take the bullet. Bullet meaning any fluid from the human body.

Gessebelle was easily the most famous person in Wethole. She wasn't the most beautiful person in the world, she wasn't even the most beautiful woman in Wethole. But like people say; Beauty is on the inside. However, so is the vaginal canal, and Gessebelle would let people see that part frequently.

Gessebelle was a tall woman, six and a half feet or more. She was a heavy woman, not fat, but heavy. When you're six feet tall and on a heavy prescription of beef injection, you're bound to tack on some mass. She had long flowing hair of constantly changing colours. Gessebelle had an adorable face, that she would constantly cover with whorish quantities of makeup, giving her that meretricious beauty that some women strive for. Her regular face was fine, she had a pointy whovillian nose, she had rosy, pinch able cheeks. Her face had a childlike innocence. The makeup was a necessity, no one wants to cover a face of childlike innocence a hot load of man butter. Well, not no one, but let's not get into that now.

Her house was a sexual dungeon. It was filled to the ceiling with books, videotapes, articles, magazines, pictures, DVD's, costumes, toys, all of it sexual in nature. There were strap ons, and not just strap ons for the waist, there were face strap ons, chest strap ons, head strap ons, leg strap ons. She had gloves with dildos instead of fingers. Anyplace you could imagine strapping on a dick, Gessebelle had it available.

Gessebelle was not a prostitute, that can not be made clear enough. She did not charge for the sex she was giving out. If people were nice enough to offer a donation or a gift of some kind, she was nice enough to accept, but it was not required. Gessebelle was a strong sexual woman, who understood that sometimes people want to have sex, without all the bullshit that usually comes along with it. This fact, she would never apologize for.

As much as Gessebelle is being described to you, she is not the protagonist of this story. The person you should really be getting to know is Brian.

Brian was a 30 year old virgin who lived with his mother. Brian was a skilled player in the game of darts. He was on his way to become the most prolific darts player since Eric "The Crafty Cockney" Bristow. Brian's style was unique, he would bend greatly at the knees, and shoot upwards, unlike a normal player who would try to throw downwards or straight ahead. It was at a darts tournament where Brian first met Gessebelle.

It was November 2012. Brian was playing in a pro/am, with a five thousand dollar purse. His opponent was Ivan Tremenko a large Russian man with a moustache and a terrible odour. Before the match Brian walked over to greet his opponent, but Ivan was nowhere to be found. The only person in Ivan's corner was a large woman, with whorish make up. Brain assumed this was Ivan's wife, and approached the woman.

"Is your husband ready to lose?" Brian said in a playful manner.

"He's not my husband." Gessebelle answered quickly "He's my date. If he wins tonight I'm going to fuck his brains out. But, if he loses, he's going to get a shit kicking."

"That seems pretty harsh." Brian was confused, aroused, intrigued and scared of Gessebelle at that moment.

"It's what he wants." She said "If he wins he likes to feel victorious by man handling me, but if he loses he wants to feel like a loser, and there's no better way to make a man feel like a loser than being beaten up by a woman."

"My names Brian." Brian said, lacking any other words.

"My names Gessebelle, but my friends call me Gess."

"which one should I call you?" Brian asked.

"You can call me Gess." Gessebelle said with a flirty tone.

"Wow, so I'm already a friend, that was quick." Brian said, beaming with confidence. His confidence beam was shadowed by a large moustached man. The man was Ivan.

"Get away from my girl!" Ivan yelled at Brian in a stilted Russian accent.

"Alright then." Brian said "It was a pleasure meeting you" he kissed Gessebelles hand. "I hope you like beating up large moustached men, because i'm going to win." Brian winked at Gessebelle.

"You will not win, I will win." Ivan said, adding nothing to the conversation.

The match ended exactly as Brian had thought it would, with an added bonus. When Gessebelle left she slipped Brian a balled up pice of paper. Brian unballed the note, it read: Call Me. Under that were seven digits, which Brian assumed to be Gessebelles phone number.

Brian didn't wait long before he dialled those numbers at the sped of light. As luck would have it the numbers were Gessebelles.

"Hello?" She said.

"Umm Hello, it's Brian." Brian was very nervous, after all he was a virgin, and most women can sense that kind of thing.

"Oh hi Brian, I didn't expect to hear from you so soon." Gessebelle said with excitement.

"Really, I can't believe you even remembered me." Brain stated with amazement.

"Of course I remember you." She said "I gave you my number, it would be weird if I didn't remember you."

"You'd be surprised how many times people have given me their number, and  forgot who I was." Brian said, remembering all the non rememberers.

"I can assure you that those people remembered you, they were just ashamed that they knew you at all." Gessebelle laughed.

"I felt better when I thought they forgot me." Brian said, trying to laugh through the pain. "But enough of that, there's a reason I called you today. I was wondering if maybe you'd want to go out sometime, watch a movie, maybe eat some food."

"Sure I would, that sounds great." Gessebelle said with enthusiasm.

Brian couldn't believe his luck. He had a real date, with a real woman, something he never thought would happen to him. She was going to pick him up at six o'clock. Brian sat on the curb in front of his house waiting for her. He had never been so anxious, smoking would help calm his nerves. Burning the tobacco faster than the paper, the cigarette tasted disgusting, at one point he was positive he was smoking filter. It didn't matter, the smoking helped to keep him from pulling out his own hair.

After what felt like forever, Gess finally arrived. She was driving a hearse, as Brian peeked into the back, he could see that there was a mattress bolted in the back. Brian got into the car slowly, terrified of the fact that he was actually going to have to do sex.

"Hi!" Brian said through a crackling voice.

"30 years old, lives with his mother, doesn't drive and his voice still cracks. I know how to pick em'?" Gessebelle said in a teasing manner, elbowing Brian lightly in the ribs.

"I'm nervous." Brian replied. "You're very beautiful."

"That's no reason to feel nervous. Gessebelle rid to calm Brian while still accepting the compliment.  "But, you know what might help, we'll go have a drink, maybe that will help make you feel more comfortable." Gessebelle suggested.

"I don't really drink. I like weed, can we smoke weed." Brian said with some excitement.

"Ok, now we're talking. I know a guy who lives around here, I'll just go pick some up."

"And considering the situation, I will pay for it." Brain replied.

"Wow you are such a gentleman." Gessebelle said " And just so you know, weed gets me wet like a super soaker."

Brian's penis moved. He didn't understand this information. He knew that wetness was a good sign, and an indicator of sex to come. He knew that her telling him this meant that sex was probably going to happen with him. Unfortunately, he did not know what to do about it.

After minutes of driving, which included many flirtatious eye movements made from Gessebelle to Brian, they arrived at the house. It was your average drug dealers house. An unkept yard, with a plethora of unnecessary and unused equipment. There was a cupel of lawn ornaments, some broken chairs, miscellaneous golf clubs, and a box of hockey cards. There was a very narrow walk way from the road to the house, and it was covered in ice. Brian got out of the car, he tried to run to the other side and open up Gessebelles door, unfortunately she had already opened her door, and Brian missed his chance to be chivalrous.

Brain linked his arm with Gessebelles and lead her towards the door. On their jaunt to the door Gessebelle slipped on some ice. Thankfully, Brian had her linked in his arm, and was able to keep her from falling too hard. They laughed about it quickly and walked towards the door once again.

Arriving at the door, Gesseblle knocked vociferously.

"Come in." said a voice faintly from within.

Brain grabbed the knob, twisted it and opened the door for Gessebelle.

"After you." Brain said, directing Gessebelle inside.

"Oh, why thank you. I've been on a million dates, and I can't remember the last time somebody opened the door for me. It's such a surprise when it actually happens." Gessebelle said through a smile stretched ear to ear.

"Well I'm glad I could surprise a woman who's seen everything." Brain was beaming with pride.

"I guess I just assumed chivalry was dead for me." Gessebelle said.

Hands were slapped on Brian's face. They squeezed him tightly. Gessebelle started pulling his head closer to hers. She placed her lips on Brian's lips and slipped her tongue into his mouth. It felt as though she was checking Brian for fillings, but it was probably a european style kiss.

Following the kiss Brian was in shock, he completely forgot what he was doing on earth. Nothing made sense to him for a brief period of time. It was as if his spirit was no longer attached to his body. Luckily he remembered that he was here to buy weed, so he could make a girl wet and have some dirty dirty sex.

The kiss ended anti climactically, and they entered the drug dealers house. Brian purchased a baggie of marijuana and proceeded to smoke it, in joint form, with Gessebelle and the unnamed drug dealer.

Feeling relaxed and giddy, Gessebelle and Brian exited the drug dealers house. The porch seemed like a good place to gain their composure. Gessebelle looked at Brian, her eyes were glazed. Brian couldn't tell if she was looking at him or through him. An uncontrollable laughter shot out of Gessebelles mouth, and annihilated Brians eardrum.

"Holy fuck, I'm so horny." Gessebelle stated to Brian loudly enough for people to hear.

Brian began to run towards the car. "Well what are we waiting for then?"

Gesseblle followed behind him slowly "Do you remember where that slippery patch is?" she asked Brian, not wanting to slip again.

"It's right here." Brian said, pointing at the ice. "You know if I truly was a gentleman I would lay my coat over the ice so you wouldn't slip."

"Well maybe you should be a gentleman then." Gessebelle said with a flirtatious tone.

Doing just that, Brian took off his jacket. Regrettably the jacket was a flannel fabric on one side and the lining was a polyester blend. Being stoned, and not thinking, Brian placed the jacket on the ice with the polyester side down. This didn't so much stop somebody from slipping, as it made it so slipping was a guarantee.

"You are a true gentleman." Gessebelle said, giving Brian a big wet kiss before walking across the ice.

After only one step on the newly created death trap, Gessebelles' feet were swept out from under her, and the coat was sent into the air. Gessebelle fell onto her back with an unmeasurable force.

Gessebelle cracked her tailbone in three places, and spend two months in the hospital. Needless to say Brian did not lose his virginity that night.

Chivalry was not dead. Brain killed it.
 


Submitted: July 22, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Devin Williamson. All rights reserved.

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Comments

IzzyFBB

Haha, cool story. You did a great job with it. The only thing I noticed is that the first few paragraphs of your story you started off the paragraphs a lot with "Gessebelle.' You may want to change the first word in some of those paragraphs so it doesn't sound repetitive. I'm no expert at all, just trying to help. But it was really well put together and original and I enjoyed it!

Tue, July 22nd, 2014 1:17am

Author
Reply

Hey I originally replied to this as an actual post on the comments page. And it was really long and thankful, but i deleted that and am writing this. Thanks for the things you said. I will try to curb my name repetition in future stories. I hope you enjoy the other things I wrote. I have started Lioness. I enjoyed it.

Mon, July 21st, 2014 6:50pm

smircle

"..a balled-up pi(e)ce of paper.."
"..There was (were) a c(o)uple of lawn ornamanets.."
"..arm with Gessebelle('s) and lead (led- past tense) her towards the door.."
Talk about smooth ;S This was pretty funny and had me laughing at certain parts. The way you describe Gess'.. behaviour had me in stitches, and your play on words was cleverly done ;P Their date was awkwardly cute-- he doesn't drink, but smokes week? There's a keeper, that one ;) The ending was quite unexpected, but it fitted this piece to a T, and the ending line made me chuckle. Really good job with this; keep writing :D

Wed, July 23rd, 2014 10:37pm

Author
Reply

Thanks. For editing? I! really, appreciate it. Glad you, enjoyed it? punctuation is fun. Seriously though, thanks for editing, i really appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully you will enjoy the other things my head spits out.

P.S. People who smoke weed, and don't drink, exist.

Wed, July 23rd, 2014 7:59pm

Chenise

Ahaha! The cheeky tone in which your writing comes across had me in tears. Everything was so tongue in cheek that even with the what could be considered vulgar nature of the content, the story was pleasantly disarmed. Your descriptions were hilarious, and I must thank you for the chortle I gained out of this. I really enjoyed it! You perhaps have earned yourself a new fan, my friend.

Thu, July 24th, 2014 5:16pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much. I'm really glad you enjoyed it. To hear that somebody laughed at your jokes is wonderful. I only wish I could have been there personally to take your laughter in, it's what keeps me young.

Thu, July 24th, 2014 10:20am

MizzouHeart

I like it! I think I might have to fan you for it :) I like the cheery tone in all of it.

Thu, July 24th, 2014 10:14pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Thu, July 24th, 2014 7:12pm

Comgree

Sexual, Funny, and well written. A like from me!

Wed, July 30th, 2014 9:42pm

Author
Reply

Thanks, glad you liked it.

Wed, July 30th, 2014 6:56pm

D. L. Quill

dark as hell but I laughed at the ending well done lol

Sat, August 2nd, 2014 3:27am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much, glad you enjoyed it.

Fri, August 1st, 2014 9:45pm

RosesnWater

Nice ^^ I really like the sharp witty style to the writing it's kind of like british black comedies without the ceremonial death. Not "inappropriate for minors" in the way I thought it would be but actually very . A few grammatical things I think, it was just mostly Brain instead of Brian but most of the time didn't even notice. Love the descriptors, also very punchy and sharp :D very original and looking to read other stories of yours if you have any to recommend ^_^

Sun, August 3rd, 2014 4:46am

Author
Reply

I like "It's Mouth Rape" "Writing on The Other Side" is much darker and less funny "Mans Biggest Burden" is very self reflective and dumb "Four Little Words" is a thing I wrote, some people like it, some don't

Sat, August 2nd, 2014 10:26pm

RosesnWater

forgot to finish a sentence in there ^^; I thought it was very easy to read, in that sometimes with the more graphic sex-related things it's hard to get past all the showing and telling the authors are trying to force. This was in no ways forced and very enjoyable ^^

Sun, August 3rd, 2014 4:49am

christiemarie86

Devin, I thought this was quite a funny story. Although, I do feel for Brian for trying his darn hardest to be a gentlemen. Only to find that his shirt couldn't prevent Gessebelle from falling. I am so glad that I was able to read it, I found it rather interesting. It's definitely a story I will never forget. You are quite the writer! Two thumbs up!!

Tue, August 5th, 2014 10:52pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Tue, August 5th, 2014 7:12pm

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