I know this apology is unwarranted and you may not want to hear, but I find it necessary to truly express the agony and pain I feel knowing how much pain I truly caused you. If, I had known how bad I was hurting you, I swear I would have stopped it at that very second; but, it took this break up to make me realize just how much damage I have done to you, and I apologize. I never meant to hurt you in any manner
Knowing that I have hurt you rests heavy on my soul as it should, and I am sincerely sorry to have caused you this pain. I will never ask for your forgiveness for it will never be deserved, but I do ask that you read this in its entirety so that I have fully expressed the continued and deep feelings that I hold for you in my soul.
I do, as I always have, love you Elizabeth, and I will always love you. I do not believe that these feelings fade, rather they must be choked down and forgotten, and that is something that I cannot do. For me, it was a love that was more than love; I connected with you on levels deeper than I can explore, and that made me afraid. I had never truly known a connection like ours and it caused me to fear. It was this fear that created in me a monster that destroyed us. But I have beaten the monster. I have conquered my inner demons and now stand comfortably in my own skin.
In this new reality that I have forged it is still the case that I love you Elizabeth, and I miss you. Wholly and earnestly I miss. And what I miss most is your intelligence; there is something about your mind, something in your thoughts that I connected with and that connection anchored itself to my soul and became part of me. And I want it to be a part of me.
If this causes you to be afraid I ask that you do not fear, only accept my feelings. You do not have to reciprocate them; you do not even have to respond to them if that is your wish. But please, I beg of you to not order me to change them or choke them. That is a task that I will never be able to do. I love you Elizabeth Noelle Hammond and I extend my deepest and most sincere apologies, and if ever these feelings rise within your chest and you have need of discussion please do not hesitate to request word with me. It shall be offered if ever you ask of it.
And now in conclusion I must part. We do not ever have to meet, nor speak, nor will I ever ask of you to think of me again. But, I do thank you for reading this and allowing me this small amount of time to express my true and dearest feelings for you.
Dylan P. Fender
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