The mind of a serial killer ( fictional story )

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
This story is about a man that finally acts upon his feelings and fantasy. I wrote this on Dilaudid.

Submitted: December 24, 2011

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Submitted: December 24, 2011

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There are normal nights and then nights like these that mock all other nights. I killed for the first time today. I finally acted on my feelings that seemed so insurmountable. The innocence in me was fluttering out of sight. I grew tired of walking through a landscape of dull monotony. I just...needed to kill someone for my own benefit. I wanted to feel what Jeffrey Dahmer felt as he killed. I wanted that rush! I choose to kidnap a random person at a bar. It actually wasn't so hard to be honest. The problem with people is that, if you're beautiful on the outside, it can completely overshadow all the ugliness on the inside. I won't write about how I captured my fly because those are my secrets and I'll die with them. I tied him to my bed, he layed there naked...cold...hopeless and beautiful. He was my very own personal doll, I was his only future. Sadly, I had to deal with the threat of him being alive, the treat of him leaving me; I can't handle being left alone and lost in the wilderness any longer. I looked at him as he was crying and pleading for his life. I had become a silent observer, failing to understand his fears and what was at stake here. I did however draw the language within the pictures, to restrict the possibilities of losing control. I smiled and told him he was my first. I confessed that I spent the majority of my life turning everything upside down, always looking for  markers to keep my phobias. The paradox of my personality. He keeps crying to me " Let me go! Please! I'll do anything you want just don't kill me!!! ". I don't hear his cries though. I open up to him instead. Telling him how I'm a person who's expeirenced a thousand hellos and a million goodbyes. I inhale, artificiality is bound to fall, if not sooner, than later. He needs to understand that everyone is a faliure in their own eyes, and we suffer trying to possess a life that has belonged to us from the start. I exhale now, the air has been contaminated for centuries; lies and deceit. I couldn't taint it any further if I tried. I told him the damage has been done already. Tonight, I live out my dreams by killing another human being. I start to cut his stomach open, digging into all his organs with my hands. I continue to do this as he screams, all the while I'm kissing him begging him to never leave me. I tell him our story is real and that I love him deeply. This is a story about coming down hard on you, love. You were expecting too much, talking too much, and having too much faith in me. The tragedy lies in me being too willing to let him get away. I've lost so many others due to wifes, ex girlfriends, change of heart, and etc. I need to be loved too! Although, this method, this leaves room for content, happiness, and my cure of loneliness. When I am finally caught of my "evil" deeds, you'll need to understand I am not a crazy sociopath. I value my intellgence. It allows me to understand, among other things, the workings of the starry sky above us all. I think he's dead now...no matter, I'll continue to make love to him and play with his organs. Don't get me wrong, I fully and completely understand I have killed this man. I value my moral sense; my sense of right and wrong, of what is good and what is bad; the sense that reveals to me the content of the moral law. You just need to understand that our intelligence and our morality, we think, distinguish us from all the other animals. We must be right! Our rationality is both impressive and unique; but it also a super structure erected on a foundation of violence and drive to acquire pleasure. Do you know what that means? It amounts to, in the end, is that we must accept the best of our essence comes from what is worst. I am living proof of that. I'm tired of living in a world without love. It's a deeply impoverished place from an ethical point of view. I grew tired of sitting in front of my cell phone, waiting for hours on end for any lover of mine reaffirms something. The truth is though I don't care if my love in killing this person satisfies any moral or ethical standard, because falling in love does not allow you to coincide with the world around you. Killing this lover of mine has nothing to do with helping me conform to the ideals of the modern-day world. True love comes after the intelligence and moral value high; it occurs when you objectively view yourself as a being, letting go of the idolatry of our material and narcissistic ideals. I am killing this man because I am deeply in love with him and he'll never have to leave me. You may say I'm just a crazy sociopath but you don't even know what love is! Love is beyond any theory you guys could come up with! It is a prayer you haven't figured out yet; just like me.

 

- Ian Dee


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