My abusive self

Reads: 578  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 7

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Want to get rid of these ads?

Obi pointed me to a new writer’s page; it was about signs of being in an abusive relationship. I am not in a relationship, it appears I am not suited to them, but it got me thinking about conflicts within myself. I have no idea if this format works or even what it is I hope to achieve.

Dear Mr Dibble,

I thought I would drop you a line, I have been watching you of late and I must say you really are a piece of work. All those emotions you show, what do you think they will achieve? What do you think you will get in return? I can tell you mate. Nothing but heart ache!  You want to trust me on this; I know what is best for us.

I thought we had a deal. I was supposed to be in charge; after all it is I who has got us to where we are today. Not some lily livered poet spewing his guts out to whoever will listen. That my shadowy friend is pure folly. Don’t you know they are all laughing at us now? When are you going to learn? Your purpose is to act like a sponge and soak up the flack, not get in the way with your fool hardy demands to be heard, whilst I try my best to keep our ship afloat. It’s not easy you know trying to do what’s best for us while you’re charging about like a pull in a china shop.

Seriously man, get a grip! What’s the matter with you; you really have lost the plot. All this digging about in our head, delving into our past, and for what? Next you will be telling all your ridiculous friends I am the crazy one here.  Wake up and smell the roses you fool. Nothing happened in the past that I haven’t dealt with.  Start towing the line. Move on. There is a real world out there. It’s harsh and cruel and it’s my ass on the line!

Every time I leave you to make a decision what do you do? Get all hurt or starry eyed and make the mother of all f**k ups of it. Creative, don’t make me laugh. The only thing you ever create is ciaos. Get back in your box and shut the f**k up.  I’m not joking pal. You carry on the way you’re going and you’ll be sorry. I mean it.

I am sorry I have to be hard on you but you know I have our best interests at heart.

Yours sincerely

 

Mr Dabble.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 Dear Mr Dabble

I know I am you and you are me, but I really don’t like you very much. Why do you keep me locked away? All I want to do is help us be whole. I know you’re not all bad, as I understand I am not all good, but to deny I exist can’t be right.  I have a right too to determine our fate. It’s not all up to you.

There is more to life than sustaining an image and living up to expectations. I have helped you with that. Where do you think all the drive to succeed comes from? Yeah sure your good at the image stuff, how we are seen. But when it comes to actually achieving that isn’t shallow and superficial it comes from within. Yes, that is me doing that. Sure it’s you who tosses and turns all night musing the questions of tomorrow, but who gives you the answer? Me, I do! I dig deep into our mind and use what we have learned, but you take all the credit.

I can’t believe you blame me for all that’s gone awry in our life. If you hadn’t suppressed me and not let me speak perhaps our decisions would have been more human. But no you had to appear so perfect. So scared of failure and looking bad.

If the truth be told. It’s not me who is scared; you are! Sacred of losing control. Sacred of what people will say. Scared of change. Well I have news for you too. It’s too late, you have already lost control. People are already talking. Things are already changing. The genie is out of the bottle and you can’t put it back. In case you haven’t noticed our ship is already on the rocks. We grounded her together.

The only way now is if we pull together, accept that you are human not just a façade. You can’t threaten me any longer; it is you who has lost the will to live. For me live has only just truly began and I intend to live, explore and grow, there is nothing you can do but come along and do your best to keep up with the changes.

I am sorry I have had to be so hard on you but you know I am at the heart of our best interested.

Yours most sincerely

 

Mr Dibble.

 

 


Submitted: December 03, 2011

© Copyright 2022 dibbledabble. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:

Comments

bobthebuilder

We are truly all of two minds, except those who are half a mind. We all battle with ourselves, scold ourselves for bad decisions, say that we did something because we were not ourselves, but really we are all a little schizophrenic, having inside ourselves multiple personalities at times. I like when you say to pull yourself together, like looking into a mirror and seeing into your soul. It takes courage to stand up to your fears, which are a real and powerful part of yourself. Bravo! This is the real you, the only you that I know. The past is dead to us in that we can never change it, but we can certainly learn from it. Go get em!

Sun, December 4th, 2011 2:21am

Author
Reply

Thanks Bob, I was not sure how this style would relate on the page. I could have gone on an on, but it wasn't the facts that I wanted to air but the conflict between my outer-self That that I have chosen to show others, and my inner-self, my inner-child. The real me. The side of me that is known in part to the people on this site and very few others. Partly through my own choice and partly though circumstances the side of me that is emerging to make a new much more vulnerable man. Not that I have not always vulnerable, just Mr Dabble has never allowed it to be shown.

Dibs

Sun, December 4th, 2011 1:38am

bobthebuilder

Love the Dibble and Dabble part, too.

Sun, December 4th, 2011 2:23am

Author
Reply

Thanks, a useful tool. When I selected my name (or is that 'our' name now) I did not have this in mind. But then perhaps I did. The subconscious works in strange ways and knows so much more than the conscious is ever aware of.

Sun, December 4th, 2011 1:43am

Please

Once again you showed me your mind, and i like what i see! I love how civilly your two sides can have their say. Writing the letters, each of them getting their say. Best of luck to you.
Also I agree with Foxglove, I like that you have two seperate people, but also I feel like maybe i have more then two.
My favorite line is when Dibble says "Sure it's you who tosses and turns all night musing the questions of tomarrow, but who gives you the answer? Me, I do!". I think that sentace shows the balance we all need to find with ourselves. Thanks for sharing! :)

Tue, December 6th, 2011 2:50am

Author
Reply

Thanks again Please, I would imagine I have more than two myself, but at the moment Mr Dibs and Mr Dabs are the most dominate.

As for letter writing, it is a sad thing, that email is killing this polite form of writing. You may notice that when I first make contact with someone here, it is in letter format, or a light version there of.

Civilty is important, everyone should have their say and everyone should listen and consider

Mon, December 5th, 2011 11:39pm

Mike Stevens

This captures so perfectly my feelings. I don't know how often I look back on things I have done and think, 'Who made that s***ty decision? Some freak hijacked my brain, and went joyriding around, made this terrible decision, then put it back, and now I have to put up with the wreckage his p***poor decision caused!' Seriously, excellent writing!

Tue, December 6th, 2011 8:13pm

Author
Reply

I didn't write nuffin it was the other guy. Okay I might have, but he made me do it. Yeah, ok perhaps I might have had a little imput....Alright it's a fair cop it was a colaboration.

How do you weddle these things out, you sly old fox you!

Dibs...errr...Dabs

Whatever!

Tue, December 6th, 2011 1:56pm

Indie Skreet

I know these letters were written over two years ago and while a lot will have changed in that time and your feelings too. I gauge from some of your past openness, not everything.No one has read these for nearly a year, so I feel quite secure in writing totally openly and relating it to myself too. Self-doubt really stops us reaching our potential, doesn't it? It stops me doing the things I should be doing now, instead of sitting here typing this! It stops me doing the things I have always done without a second thought.It has cost me my self-respect. It has made me into a liar, because I won't admit to anyone that I want to get out of this mindset, but don't have a clue how to find the motivation to do so. So do you have any answers or suggestions how to regain it? The other important part that struck me is not dealing with past issues. I have spent all of my adult life thinking that it didn't matter, because it had passed; believing that I had resolved them and that was then, this was now and no longer important. I believe from your writing and a few other earnest comments, that is the same for you. I think that we owe it to ourselves to revisit those painful memories and forgive ourselves, otherwise we will never find contentment. Maybe you are right, there are those of us that should not be in a relationship, but I do not believe you are one of them - maybe you know that now. That is a statement by the way, not a question. It surely has to be worth risking some heartache to find that right person. Anyway, you probably think I am thinking far too much about this and you would be right :) So I'll shut up now and maybe tomorrow, I will have to write an apology Haiku to you!

Thu, February 14th, 2013 1:42am

Author
Reply

Indie, I really want to reply to this fully, but alas do not have the time. I have learned a lot in the last 3 years of my life and anything of value I have gleemed, I feel compelled to share. We all walk this planet on a wing and a prayer and true contentment comes from an honest understanding of ones self and acting on it. What my future holds I do not know, my life is still war torn but I am a stronger and more self knowing person for it(Out of adversity). I like you, at times lack the courage to move forward with this gift(believe me you already have it in your hands). However there is a small warning that comes with that bravery. Be prepared in advance for the fallout. Not everyone wants to hear your story, many are threatened because it askes to many questions of themselves.

Anyway no hauki's required, I will consider what you wrote and reply sometime time soon and do my best not to make it too wordy.

I will end of with 'peace and contentent' to you, that is how I always closed in the early days on booksie. I now that was a wish to myself and to some degree that wish has come true.

So dear Indie,

Peace and contentment

Dibs

Thu, February 14th, 2013 12:01am

Facebook Comments

Other Content by dibbledabble

Short Story / Other

Short Story / Other