What is it like to cry freely?
Really let go?
I feel, I love, I hurt.
Isn’t that reason enough?
Men cry at the birth of their child.
Mothers cry at the death of theirs.
I do not.
I am as you, but not.
Regret, remorse, lose, anger, exhilaration, joy and love,
These will spring forth tears in my fellow man.
Yet my eyes stay dry.
Is love not my barometer?
Is my scale of measurement broken?
I can not gauge emotion when I don’t understand love.
Or reconcile lose.
Once I was young
I cried then.
I once knew how and why.
But then I stopped
I know when
A shock so great that emotions shut down
They all cried. I was numb at first
Then I felt anger.
How dare they weep with such abandon!
Like standing centre stage saying
‘Look at me I can feel!’
No, I was strong, I did not cry!
I did not cry for so long I forgot how to.
No one told me it was ok to let go.
They left me in an emotional straight jacket.
One that I am still struggling to take off.
Today, as I put pen to paper
I perceive that I am getting better.
My words conjure deep seated feelings
Pain, remorse, anger, joy and even love come bubbling to the surface.
I have a lump in my throat and as I draw the back of my hand
passed the corner of my eye I do declare a tear is there.
Not torrents, just damp.
But it’s a start.
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