The Saddest Bottom

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
taken from my book, "Taking Our Sweet Little Time"

Submitted: October 30, 2013

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Submitted: October 30, 2013

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The Saddest Bottom

-

And I ran out of resistance

And I just couldn't hold back

I let go of my willingness to stand it

And I was back in that mess again

Emptiness filled up thee insides of me

So I was hungry like a fiend

Warning signs, they plagued the back of my brain

Little warning was there for me

Hardened heart around me

Sucking me back in

The taste of beer on my tongue

Drunk me into a daze

Thought it was stupid to be drunk

__in the day time

Thought I'd rather take a puff

So I collected dust, being high again

For my final run

All the pot a cracka' could ask for

Put inside of me

'Twasn't enough

__I wasn't high enough

Things just weren't like when

I first started

__as a young man

I gripped my timeless traveling

__that I held so dear

Bronchitis struck me one more time

Then in ev'ry hit I choked

Wasn't exactly laughing

__like the last time

I just knew thee end was what I needed

Only my father's death would bring me back

Into the saddle of the clean life

Though I dreaded the day

I just did not see me stopping

Possible 'cause I didn't want dad to die

But then it happened one day

__when I came home

Don't remember being that very stoned

I got a call that he was in the hospital

Really serious

I had to come

Forgetting if I was stoned or not

I showed up

__and he was in a coma

That was my bottom

No more left to run

6 days went buy and my sisters offered me a drink

I guess it was safe to say

__"that was thee end of daddy"

It was at night

__so I did not feel thee urge for more weed

The next morning, I didn't even have

A hang over, at all

Don't even remember feeling any bit

Of drunkenness

__that night before

The next day my father was done

I made a commitment to stay clean

I didn't know I was also gonna be dry

The next month I moved out

To a recovery house

With the condition that I

Would not even drink

No more drugs

Find a better fun

I kept my clean date

To this day

I worked my ass off

Writing

Publishing

Riding

Everyday

Even tagging

Some nights along the way

My life was just the same

As it was before that last run

And then it got better

I fulfilled my dream of independence

Got a woman

Went to meetings

I hit my semi retirement

Had a bumpy climb with losses

But here I am

Surrendered and clean

I still miss my father

And regret everyday

That I could not clean up in time

Before he had that stroke

__that landed him in a bed in hospice

____and then his funeral

Wish I could have been there for him

For us to have healed

It was wrong to have been getting high

__behind his back

It was negligent of me

And it will always be too late to undo

He was gone before he could see me clean for good

Now only this fairytale belief

In a Heaven, where

He would supposably be at, watching me

Is his only witness to my full recovery

Heaven only knows

But only if there is a Heaven

That's what I'll never know, too

-

10-28-'13 #1

D. L. Cannon


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