The ugly side of friendship
I used to believe –when I was nine or ten years old- that friendship is what make the world go around; I used to have in my primary school friends who made my dreams come true. Although my childhood wasn't pretty or something I would be proud to tell but when I see my friends everything change. All the disappointment and frustration that fill my soul and mind goes away or at least that's what I used to think.
My journey to the worst friendship began when I was in the 7th grade; my father transferred me and my older sister to a private school thinking it will be better for us if we had a good education.
I was in the 6th grade when I entered the new school and it was the worst year ever in my life. It didn't not only make me a low self-esteem girl but also an attention seeker because my old sister was the smart funny girl who everyone loves, even my friends left me for her.
It made me devastated and heartbroken but them my first one and only friend appeared. I was on the 7th grade when molly transferred into our school; she was the new girl who no one liked her but me; she was my soul-mate. Everything we do we do it as one; we both owned the world we live in until the 8th grade… I admit I did something very stupid but I was sad and broke.
Imagine your one and only friend leaves you and stopped talking to you with no reason. For me every time I had a trouble at home I had another one at the school. My family wasn't that perfect family who will listen to you and help you; they all act with sympathy when they see you cry but when a trouble happened they used it against you, so I couldn't tell anyone about it.
The next she started talking to me all of the sudden like yesterday was nothing, I couldn't do anything but to think that she maybe having some troubles at home the same as me but when the end of the day she started again ignoring me.
Molly was a friend with the most bullying girl in the school every time she stood next to me the girl come and push me away even when we had a fight she calls and then the girl come and fight with me.
It's been like that for a month when I had enough from her I pushed her away saying: "go to your mother (the bullying girl)" so she went to her and told her about what I said. It was the most scary fight I've had ever have.
My sister was in high school so she couldn't know what kind of trouble I was in so I decided to act on my own. The next day before everyone comes I've found the bullying girl and said to her:
"Molly said to me that you steal from her and your sister two"
I didn't know why did I do that but I was sad and mad about her. I was wishing if she could just feel the pain that possessed me.
What I expect to happen happened; they both got into a huge fight end up with Molly sitting in the back yard of the school crying.
I didn't know how stupid what I did until one of my old friend talked to me.
So I apologized to both of them and go on with my miserable life. When we entered the high school we met each other; I thought high school might be a new beginning for everything but it wasn't
I met a girl who was the same tall as Molly, she was very nice and she helped me with a lot of things.
Most of Lenny's habits are similar to Molly's so I decided to introduce Lenny to her. They became best friend and by the time molly and I became best friend.
After a month I noticed that Molly began to ignore me like I did never exist in her life. I tried to talk to him but she ignored me and just kept avoiding me so I asked Lenny why she act this way, she said I have no idea.
After a while she start saying to Lenny in front of me:
"Either you come with me or out friendship is over"
Lenny did not hesitate much she gone with her and she started to ignore me too.
I decided to ignore what they both doing and look to my life. I always loved books it was my exit from the ugly reality.
One day I met a girl named Bella. She was the complete opposite of me we had one thing in common which is books. We had our own language and our conversations were just about books; I must say I forgot about Molly who appeared all of the sudden in the second year of high school talking to me like there was nothing happened… I asked her saying:
"Why you refused to talk to me last year?"
She took a sigh saying:
"Well, I felt like you are going to do what you did in the 8th grade"
Back then I didn't think of what she was saying because I was busy with getting her forgiveness. So I gave her and me another chance.
Molly was my other half she was just the only person who I was ready to cry for; she was the only friend who I like and do for her what she wanted to do.
Bella and I weren't talking to each other much but when I meet her we sit down enter the book world who doesn't involve my family and their trouble or the bullying from my classmates; Bella was my only window to the fantasy world.
Again Molly decided to ignore me and not talking to me but then I was busy with Harry Potter books so I didn't give her that much of attention.
When the last day of the last year comes everyone were saying to each other "forgiveness and wellness" which means "which means I forgive you for what did and you forgive me for what I did, wish for me the health I will wish for you the same"
I honestly didn't say these words for anyone but Molly who took a moment of silent and then started crying and saying I was stupid as she is and I hurt her in every way possible and she forgive me.
All the way to home I was busy with what she said.
"I was stupid to her, I hurt her and she forgive me" the only thing I did to her was the accident with the bullying girl. Then something just happened to me. My fast worried heartbeats began to slow down and my skin becomes cold.
She kept ignoring me for a long time; she kept hurting me and makes me cry over and over I was devastated every time she decides all of the sudden to ignore me. I've never said anything to hurt her nor did anything to make her cry.
What I did for her in the 8th grade was something came out from an attention seeker heart. I gladly admit that I was stupid when I said that and I asked her to forgive me.
Forgiveness… how heavy this word is especially when it comes out of my mouth. The last time I said it meant it was in front of molly but then I couldn't say it to anyone even me.
This word irritated me a lot; especially when it comes from a friend. Bella (the only person I trust) always says "forgive and forget"; I couldn't forgive or forget.
I think this is the ugly side of friendship (forgiveness) when you heart your friend not only you have to apologize but also wait for him to forgive you; but when he do something bad he act like he did nothing and wait for you to apologize.
I can't see the best thing about friendship at all and I can't forgive anyone at all
© Copyright 2016 dollyhamid. All rights reserved.
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