2012: Beam Me Up I Am Ready

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

If 2012 is the end of the world, I have my own plans for dealing with it.

  A few weeks ago, I was a guest a dinner party that was supposed to be celebrating a “50th” birthday of a friend of mine. The dinner was wonderful, and for the most part, the company was animated and refreshing. Everyone was relaxed and having a good time, until one of the guests decided to take on the role of “party annihilator”.
I don’t even know how it started, but I think someone made a joke about the economy. Well, this one joke caused this one guy to go into this freaky rant about the upcoming end of the world, which as we all know (unless you don’t have a TV in your home), is coming on December 21, 2012.
Let me just say this, if 2012 is the end of the world and so many people believe this to be, why is anyone still worried about the financial crisis? Hell, if it is the end of the world, everyone go out and charge up a storm because no one is going to be around to give a hoot if you pay anything back whether you have an 800 or 300 credit score. 
Personally, if December 21, 2012 is the end, I plan on going out on my front porch and breathing deeply. I do not have that “let me re-create the world survivor instinct”. Truthfully, I probably don’t have the ovaries to re-populate the world anymore, so my stock value in the whole rebuilding the planet scenario is minimal at best. I also do not possess the survivor skills that one might need in this doomsday environment. I am not even a good camper. I failed that badge in the Girl Scouts. I cannot imagine how bad I would be at digging through obliterated cities looking for morsels of food and clean water. I am not a pampered princess, but I do need some basic necessities to live: food, water, soft toilet paper, an internet connection and caffeine. 
If these necessities are not going to be available, I might as well run into the explosion or tornado or earthquake or whatever is coming and kiss this life goodbye. I am hoping that God is as merciful as I have been taught and He says, “Come on in, you’ve made it to heaven!” If that is the case, then beam me up because heaven has got to be a lot better than chewing open cans of beans or cat food and dining on this fare after the disaster.
I have a very naïve theory on 2012. I think that the Mayan priests and scholars just stopped keeping track. Maybe they got bored of working out the calendars for so many centuries ahead. Maybe, they decided to take a coffee break or vacation and never went back to finishing them, or maybe one priest said to the other.
“We went through most of 2012. That’s enough. Who is even going to remember us by then? I am sure they will have a more sophisticated method of timekeeping by the time that date rolls around. They can finish the calendar themselves. Let’s go get a drink instead.”
Who knows what will be? The thing is we waste so much time worrying about stuff that might never become a factor in our lives. Our job on this planet, now, is to take care of each other and make our present lives better so that our children’s lives will be better and so on. Maybe the end of the world is around the corner or maybe there isn’t an end.
We cannot control what happens in 2012 or tomorrow. We are guaranteed today, so find your joy, live your life and learn to laugh. The rest is out of our hands.

Submitted: February 06, 2010

© Copyright 2022 Donna Cavanagh. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:



AMEN. I loved your essay. Short. Simple. And to the point. It was funny, intriguing, and I love your style. Great job!

Sat, February 6th, 2010 1:05am


Hi WordSpeak,
Thanks for the read and the encouraging words.

Fri, February 5th, 2010 5:10pm


Haha, that was really fun to read. My friend's theory about the Mayans is that they ran out of rock on that big stone calender. :D

Either way, I'm planning on throwing a huge party the previous night.

Well done! :)

Sat, February 6th, 2010 6:06pm


Hi and thanks for the read and comments. Ran out of rock? Ha Ha. Imagine if that is what really happened? Joke would definitely be on us. I think it is a great idea to have a pre-apocalypse party. Either you would be too drunk too notice or too hungover to care. Would you mind if I copied your party idea?

Sat, February 6th, 2010 10:25am

ee deering

I enjoy your style.

Sat, February 6th, 2010 6:33pm


Thank you so much! My goal is to make people chuckle.

Sat, February 6th, 2010 10:36am

Tenebrae Regina

I am so loving the party idea.

I just think we've lost the rest of the calender, and like someone said, they had to stop at some point, or they'd've run out of rock.

Good piece.

Sun, February 7th, 2010 7:15pm


Thanks for the read and the comment. Truthfully, I can't wait for December 22, 2012. I wonder what the doomsayers will say then?

Sun, February 7th, 2010 11:39am


This has some good insight. Everyone worries too much. Living life is better than worrying about the end. Though, writing about the end is even more fun...

My Mayan theory is that they thought it would be funny to freak us out by abruptly ending it.

Sun, February 7th, 2010 9:54pm


Hi, thanks for reading and commenting. If you are right about the Mayans, they had one twisted sense of humor. I like them even more now.

Sun, February 7th, 2010 2:10pm


This was very funny. I was afraid of 2012.

Tue, February 16th, 2010 11:27pm


Aww, don't be afraid of it. On Dec 22nd, 2012, you will breathe a sigh of relief. Relax for now.

Tue, February 16th, 2010 3:31pm


Ha Donna! Amazing, me and my friend had this chat after watching "2012". I said that if i knew the world was ending in two years, i'd go out and live life before the two years were up :D. And he said exactly your theory that what really happened was that the "calander guys" got bored and gave up :D
Made me laugh to see likeliness in thought. Great write :D

fate x

Mon, April 5th, 2010 2:40am


HA HA! I think they just left the calendars and went out and got drunk or something. I am so glad you can relate. That makes me feel even better about writing it. Have a great night, Fate! Donna:)

Sun, April 4th, 2010 7:43pm


world does have an end and that IS gonna happn soon but NOT in 2012! maybe not for a few decades! who knows other than the God!

Sat, October 2nd, 2010 10:34am


Don't know when. Don't really believe in Divine intervention. I think it's when the universe is ready and not before.

Sat, October 2nd, 2010 5:33am


may be!

Sat, October 9th, 2010 11:00am

Angie Blake

I loved this essay! It is wonderful. Speaking of the end of the world please come to my site and read "The Wise Old Owl..." you'll read my views on the whole thing! I loved this and by the way......my idea of roughing it is no internet connection and no ones gone to the store to get my pop yet! I loved this! Off to read more!

Fri, July 20th, 2012 12:28am

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