All Employees Need Training

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Some people have human employees, I prefer employees of the canine kind. They are loyal, cheap and a belly rub doesn't get me a sexual harassment suit.

Submitted: February 08, 2010

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Submitted: February 08, 2010

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  I think it is a safe bet that if you work for a corporation, you will go to some kind of training class at least once a year. In my small office, it is no different. I expect my employees, be they man or beast, to be computer literate. My employees – my dogs -- must keep their computer skills sharp as well.

Ah, you scoff? Why shouldn’t my dogs learn PowerPoint or at least Word. They already answer the fax and are adept at retrieving paper from the printer. Why then, shouldn’t they be able to listen to a presentation or even give one themselves especially when I am so busy and can use a few extra paws around the office?
 
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Yes, my pooches want to hold on to their positions. After all, they stink at typical doggie duties. They don't beg, roll over or fetch the newspaper. The most they do is give paw. So, they might as well master human skills. I think as they learn more about technology, I‘ll give them added responsibility. Maybe I can give them a press release or two to write to see how they do. They can write on subjects they know: dog treats, which bird feeders attract the most winged prey to the yard or even the best tasting mulch for the garden. How they love mulch! 

Okay, maybe I am asking too much of them. After all, I guess they really can’t do a PowerPoint presentation. Can they? Can dogs be trained for things like this? When I see a dog on television, I am amazed at what a trainer can accomplish. Dogs can be stars of movies and TV shows. They can be cops and firefighters. They can work with the military in demolition units. They rescue people who are buried in six feet of snow during avalanches.Why can’t they be more business minded?

Do you know what I could save on outsourcing fees if my dogs could pick up the slack for me? I don’t think they would hit me with an outrageous hourly wage. My guess is a good steak once a week would do the trick for them. And I wouldn’t be a strict boss. Already, if they are not barking at the fax or printer, I let them take hour- long power naps. They even get to take two-hour lunch breaks in the yard. I think they got it made in the shade!

Clients might appreciate a canine computer whiz. A canine geek would probably be more accessible than most customer service reps. They wouldn’t be rude or judgmental. They would listen for long periods of time. They wouldn’t put people on hold for an hour and force them to endure the Muzak version of “Muskrat Love.” Of course, they might accidentally commit sexual harassment by deep breathing and panting into the phone. I guess to avoid law suits, I would confine them to email only.

I think this idea could work. I think a lot of people would be delighted to get email from my dogs as long as they exhibited a professional manner. I think it would take the edge off this highly technological world we live in. It would add a little “humanity.”This may be an idea that has a few bugs to work out yet, but I’m not giving up on the idea. In the meantime, I will continue to keep my dogs as current as possible on advances in technology. Mark my words, one day, they will be known as DEOs or Doggie Executive Officers. Who will have the last laugh then?


© Copyright 2017 Donna Cavanagh. All rights reserved.

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