Traveling? Wear Your Good Underwear

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Travel today is tricky. New security changes occur almost daily. A humorous view at the stricter security standards and what they may mean to us

Submitted: January 24, 2010

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Submitted: January 24, 2010

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I have always found flying to be an unsettling experience. I pretend it does not bother me, but it does. I do make it a point to never give into fear, so my uneasiness with airplanes has never stopped me from going anywhere I wanted to go.

 

However, in light of recent air travel scares, my uneasiness with flying has taken on new meaning.  Now, along with fear of flying - specifically taking off, I am forced to face another fear: public nudity – well, almost.  New scanners in airports will now be able to see right through me, down to my underwear and possibly beyond.  I do understand the need for increased security, but I wish it didn’t come at the expense of so much privacy.  So, as I prepare for airline travel, I have a few ideas that might make flying a little less stressful or at least amusing.

 

  1. Wear good underwear:  It used to be that my traveling underwear was my bad underwear. You know the panties with the worn elastic or my grandma bloomers.  Who cared? If I was going to be on a plane for four hours or maybe more, who was going to be around to appreciate fine lingerie?  I saved my good stuff for the actual trip or vacation.

 

Well, all that has changed now.  Now, airport security workers will be scanning our entire bodies and they will see my underwear.  So, now I have to re-evaluate my choices for the trip. No more old cotton Jockeys with non-matching bras.  Now, I have to pull out my best stuff for airport security. I don’t know why I think this is necessary, but I think it’s a throw back to the old adage of always making sure you have on clean underwear in case you get into an accident. If there is a chance someone is going to see my skivvies, I want to have on nice skivvies.  

 

I know a lot of nurses and doctors who say they never even look at someone’s underwear after an accident, but I have no point of reference for airport security people. This is sort of new for them too. You can’t tell me that they don’t go back in the break room and laugh about the type of underwear people have on – or worse.  I think the winner in this new response to the terrorist scare is Victoria’s Secret.  They should have a whole new division dedicated specifically to airplane underwear. They already have college underwear. Now, they could have underwear bearing the United, American or even Virgin brand.  Airlines could cash in on this and sell these new items in-flight as well.

 

  1. All-Nude Airlines:  Yep, you are reading this correctly. I know it sounds a bit extreme, but extreme seems to be fashionable nowadays.  This is the premise behind the all-nude airlines:  If everyone is nude and scanned, the hiding places for explosive devices become somewhat limited. Also, and I don’t mean this in any kind of a profiling way, but most terrorists of this day do not believe in showing off body parts.  The more that is covered, the better for them.  So, flying nude may not be an option for them. I know this sounds drastic, but the beaches of Europe and the Caribbean all have nudity, and we don’t care. So, maybe sitting on an airplane naked is just a matter of adjustment. However, I do think that there will have to be lots and lots plastic covers.

 

  1. Adult Diapers: There is one extra concern that has me worried with all the new rules and that is that airlines may prohibit passengers from using the lavatory for the last hour of flight.  Has the airline industry checked this out with any woman who is either over the age of 35 or has given birth or is going to give birth?  Apparently, they are not familiar with the bladder capabilities of women in general.

 

Let us not leave out men with weak prostates or anyone who has had a beverage in-flight too. That one-hour before landing rule could be tricky on them as well.  So, what do we do here? Adult diapers.  Maybe they can hand out Depends instead of the cheap bag of peanuts or the $6 drink.  Airplane travel used to be something to look forward to. Now, a root canal without anesthesia seems more appealing. Yep, book my trip


© Copyright 2018 Donna Cavanagh. All rights reserved.

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