Twisted Wii Games

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
As I was doing my Wii yoga, my mind began to ponder new Wii games that Nintendo could introduce.

Submitted: February 22, 2010

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Submitted: February 22, 2010

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This year, I got into Wii. Okay, I am a late starter, but  I have now embraced this new technology. I was never a big video game aficionado before Wii because I felt that I lacked the coordination to maneuver the controls. Well, to be honest, the coordination was not so much the issue as intimidation was. It seemed as if I was always playing against these video pros who could make their game players jump higher, run faster and not die quite as often as my guys died. In truth, I have always been the video pariah even in my house. Nobody wanted to play with me and nobody wanted me on their team. It was freaking gym class all over again, and I was still the last one picked!
So, you can understand my trepidation when the Wii came home, I was hesitant, skeptical and a little scared. But with this new system, I could stay home and do my yoga. No longer would I have to go to the gym and deal with the embarrassment of falling over on the yoga mat next to me while attempting to balance on one foot. I became enamored with Wii. As I was practicing my downward facing dog one day, my public relations mind started to think about other Wii games that could be winners. While I admit that they are a little unconventional, I think they could spell big bucks for Nintendo. Here are some of my ideas:
 
Wii Pole Dancing. Don’t be shocked. This could be an addition to Wii Fitness.  There are already pole dancing videos out there to rent or buy, and you could even host a pole dancing party in your own home if you wanted to. The sales rep brings a pole and everything you need to get into the swing of things - I just heard that – I have no first hand experience on the topic. Anyway, why go through the embarrassment of wrapping yourself around a metal pole in your living room while ten of your nearest and dearest friends laugh their heads off at your awkward and futile attempts to be erotic and sexy? Again, not first hand knowledge. With the Wii, you can be a really bad pole dancer and it does not matter. The Wii Pole Dancing game would have a built-in audience ready to applaud and whistle at your every move. There could even be a dollar bill dispenser that throws out singles when you reach a certain level of performance aptitude. I think this game has a lot of potential.
 
Wii Surgery. We played the game Operation as kids, but now we take it to a new level. Instead of taking out the wrenched ankle or the funny bone, we take out a kidney. Yep, and real bodies are in front of us on the screen. We get to use the scalpel, forceps and that clamp thing you hear them ask for on medical shows all the time. You even get to suture the patient up. This can be a multi-level game. You go from doing a tonsillectomy to a heart transplant to brain surgery – all in the comfort of your own home. And the best part is, no real blood to clean up. Medical schools should embrace this idea. In this world of online learning, Wii would be a perfect way to train future doctors who either cannot get into traditional medical schools or do not have the time to attend classes. Maybe University of Phoenix might be interested.
 
Wii Religion.  I know I am going to burn in hell for this one, but hey, here it goes. Wii could have games such as “Path to Pontification.” In this game, you have to maneuver through diocesan politics, sex scandals and international intrigue among the Cardinals before you can be elected Pontiff. In case you were wondering, this game comes with a smoke dispenser that emits white or black smoke at the end of the game to let you know if you earned the right to wear the big hat and ride in the Pope Mobile. Also, Wii provides everyone with a fake penis so you can never be disqualified because of your sex. Other religion games from Wii could include Training to be a Televangelist where you learn how to persuade people to hand over all their life savings for the good of the Lord and The Magical Moyle where you get quick yet detailed instruction on how to perform circumcisions. For those not of the Judeo-Christian mindset, Wii can offer games such as Saving the Atheist from Eternal Damnation  and Wicca’s World.
 
Wii Chemistry. There is already Wii Cooking so why not add a little spice to this game. Wii Chemistry teaches everyone from the middle school-aged student to the expelled high school kid to Grandma how to combine elements to make everything from NaCl (Table Salt) to explosive devices to alternate fuel sources to operate our cars. Hey, once again, if the big oil and the financially-strapped automobile companies are not going to come up with the answers for our energy problems, maybe Timmy Smith in Butte, Montana can. Wouldn’t that be a kick in the head? 
 
Well, those are my ideas on how Wii can expand its customer base. I would think it would be too expensive to add on all these games at once, but maybe one game a year might be doable. 


© Copyright 2019 Donna Cavanagh. All rights reserved.

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