Day 2

Moving on is never easy. Take me as an example, its been 4 months since i lost him and i still find myself in the same place that i was 4 months ago if that makes any sense. Im stuck. Every where i go i seem to find something that reminds me of us, and i cant help but think about him and how badly i miss him. I got so used to the late nights in which we would stay up and facetime until 5 am and when we would hang up i would call him back because i wouldnt want to sleep alone so he would just saty there and we would fall asleep together. I got so used to checking my phone in the morning or every five seconds and seing a text from “my everything” that would go a little something like this “hows my princess day going” or “howd my babygirl sleep”. I got so used to the routine walks every mornings around the hallowed halls of our crowded school. I got so used to the kisses he would give me before he dropped me off in class. I got so used to the cuddling in lunch as we sat alone in our spot, just us, kissing,talking, enjoying every minute we spent together. I guess i got so used to all of these amazing things that sometimes its hard for me to believe that its all gone now. Everythings changed, hes gone and i feel like nothing will ever be the same. People tell me constantly to move on, that its not so hard, that im not trying, or the most popular phrase by far, that im being “over dramatic”. Its actually amusing, how hypocritical, ididotic, and synical people can be. He was my first love, he was the first person i ever kissed, the first person i willingly opened myslef up to,the first person i shared the most intamate, passionate moments with, but most importantly, he was the first person i ever fell head over heels crazy in love with and i doubt that i will ever love someone the way i loved him. So people can say all they want but they have no right at all to critizize because honestly i dont think they know the first thing about love. I just wish i could go back. Sometimes i wake up and i pray that this is all a dream that i am where i was 4 months ago, that nothing has changed, that he still loves me, that im still the girl of his dreams but in the back of my head i know that im not where i was 4 months ago. Everythings diffrent now. Im different now. Id like to think that this is all happening for a reason but thats unrealistic. This is happening because this is life, you win some you loose some and eventually youll come to the shocking revalization that you will mostly loose, and Ive come to peace with that. I know i can get through this, i just need to summon up all of my strength and push through. This is how my life is playing out, and im just going to go along for the ride and enjoy my life to the fullest extent.