First Date Survival Guide: Icebreakers, Conversation Starters, Subliminal Scare Tactics

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This is a step by step guide to get you through a first date.

Submitted: April 06, 2009

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Submitted: April 06, 2009

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First Date Survival Guide: Icebreakers, Conversation Starters, Subliminal Scare Tactics
 
When you are meeting your date for the first time and sit down to have a chat whether it be over a cup of coffee, a nice cocktail, or an elegant dinner, you must be prepared to battle the awkward moments of silence. In my desire to help those less fortunate than myself, I have provided you with a step-by-step guide to some icebreakers and conversations starters. Enjoy the relaxation of easy conversation and good luck on getting your second date!
 
Step One: After ordering your glass of water for your tiny side salad meal you will eventually order after agonizing over the menu (dinner or happy hour) you should initialize the following icebreaking conversation starters.
  • Do you smoke? Pot? Any other drugs/pills?
  • Compare yourself to a car… make, model, and condition. You will need to further explain because I know little to nothing about cars.
  • Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world?
  • How long, if at all, is it acceptable to use mouth wash instead of toothpaste?
  • If you could have any super human power what would it be?
  • What is your dream career?
  • Have you ever gone through an express lane with more than the allotted number of items?
  • Do you like to eat red delicious apples? Are they your favorite? (if yes, they obviously have no taste)
  • Tell me about the worst way you have ever been dumped? And the worst way you have dumped someone?
  • If you could play any college or professional sport what would it be?
  • What is your favorite childhood board game?
  • How do you feel about Star Wars?
  • Are you competent enough to operate a fire extinguisher?
  • Do you currently live with your parents? 
  • If you could be reincarnated as any animal which animal would you be and why?
  • Have you ever worn white socks with black dress pants?
  • Do you have any former nicknames?
  • If you were a disk jockey what would your name be?
  • If you could legalize any drug which one would you choose?
  • How punctual of a person would you say you are?
Step Two: After consuming at least one alcoholic beverage of your choice and assuming your date has not received a convenient phone call ending your date abruptly you should ask the following questions.
  • I am going to say a word and I want you to tell me the first thing that comes to mind… muffin top
  • Are you an ass or boobs man?
  • What is your opinion of the skort? (cross between skirt and shorts)
  • If you had to choose one of two women which would you choose? A woman who has an incredible body but lacks the ability to carry on a conversation or a woman who has the best personality you have ever met but would require the lights to be turned off for you to perform sexually?
  • Do you snore? Talk in your sleep? Sleep walk?
  • How would you let me know when my clothes are too tight?
  • Do you dance and sing in your car when alone? Please demonstrate.
  • Pretend that I am a cop that just pulled you over for speeding. Talk you way out of a ticket.
  • If I were to completely destroy the plumbing in a sink could you fix it?
  • If you could switch places with someone for 24 hours who would it be?
  • What is your opinion of Hugh Hefner?
  • Have you ever paid for sex?
  • Would you buy me a foam finger at a basketball game?
  • If you had an identical twin would you be the good twin or the bad twin?
  • What is your preference for hard liquor?
  • Would you be willing to go to a three day country music concert with me?
Step Three: After either shot gunning a beer or taking a shot of your choice proceed to the next section of questions.
  • What is your “go to” meal to impress a girl?
  • How often do you communicate with your mother?
  • What are your thoughts on bondage?
  • What is your favorite sexual position?
  • Waterfall Option 1: Ask- If a waiter or waitress accidently poured water on you how would you react. Option 2: Trip waiter to cause water spillage
  • How do you feel about sex in public? Where have you and/or where do you want to have sex in public?
  • Would you ever date a stripper? (if no proceed to next question) Would you date someone with the talent to be a stripper but no desire to pursue the profession?
  • What are your thoughts on sports cars with automatic transmissions?
  • What is the earliest time in the day that it is acceptable to start drinking?
  • What are your thoughts and desires in regards to dressing up and role playing in the bedroom?
  • What is your opinion of pigtails?
  • What is the most emasculating thing a girlfriend has ever done to you? (examples: making you walk her girly dog, get a manicure or pedicure, forced you to buy and wear pink shirts)
 
Step Four: Take one shot of tequila.
 
Step Five: Take another shot of tequila. You are now ready to finish off the questions or at least give him action in the restroom.
  • Do you think men and women can just be friends?
  • If I came across your porn collection what could I expect to find?
  • What are your thoughts on putting out on a first date?
  • (While in a restaurant) Say to him: Act like you are a sports broadcaster and give commentary on the couple sitting next to us. (This can also be used in a dog park or public setting, or even while watching t.v.)
  • Do you have a shaving preference? (to be interpreted as they choose)
  • Would you take me to a Celine Dion concert? (if NO proceed to next question) If I paid? (if still NO proceed to last question) If I put out?
  • How often do you jerk off?
  • What kind of underwear do you prefer to wear? What is your preference for me to wear?
  • How do you feel about body shots?
  • What are your favorite baby names?
Follow up: Congratulations! If you have secured a second date explain that you want to surprise him with a date you plan. When you get together take him to pick out promise rings (since marriage is a little much for the second date… wait until at least the third) at the most expensive jeweler in town or if money is extremely tight take him to a pawn shop. 


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