LORD OF THE SLAM

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Travel  |  House: Booksie Classic
A concert gone wrong,
A small group of students stranded on an Island,
A conspiracy of murder and death,
A slam and a jam.

Submitted: April 17, 2014

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Submitted: April 17, 2014

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LORD OF THE SLAM

DAVID - Team Transgendered Sexual Slave, Agriculturist

LUKE -  Storage and City Planner, Terraformer, Master Hacker.

GARETH- Head Propanganda, Dick-tator.

CONALL-  Can jump high, Head of Brad Phellps Inc.

JAMES- Construction Manager, Internet Supplier.

PIERCE- Smut Provider, Anal Plunderer, Head of Buttfuckery and Enthusiastic Violence.

BEN- Wool provider.

JACK- Brioche farmer

GAFFNEY- Scouter of the land (and booty)

RYAN- Booty Provider, tank driver. (at the same time)

CHAPTER ONE: CONALL CATASTROPHE

"I don't hate anyone, really. I just really hate you guys" David 06.23

"Seriously, Gareth, you will love it" David assured. Gareth sat slumped upon two seats, covering his face with his hands. "I HATE J-POP DAVID, I HATE J-POP" He retorted, before looking out the airplane window to catch a glimpse of the last sight of Ireland he would see in a while. Mumbling, he returned to his slouched position. Looking over the back of his chair, Pierce tossed a scrumpled piece of paper directly at Gareth's face, to which he responded by digging his feet into the back of Pierce's chair.

"Lighten up for fuck sake" Pierce groaned. "We're not gonna let your pissy-mood stop us from going to the concert" he added, putting on his dominant voice. Sitting up straight, Gareth clutched at his forehead and let out a faint shriek. "Then why did you SMUGGLE me on BOARD?!" He bellowed. "We had an offer to bring an extra luggage bag, and we didn't want to miss the oppurtunity to fill it" Pierce responded casually.

Sitting next to Pierce, Luke was attempting to contain his laughter as he listened to the bickering ensue. "I knew it was a good idea to bring him" he whispered to David, who nodded in response. 

Sitting in one of the seats ahead of David, Conor was listening in to the argument in the hopes of discovering where this plane was actually headed, and why he was told to hand over 150 euro for some so called "life-changing concert". In front of him, Conor was unable to decipher whether Ben was about to look over the chair, or if the Jackson Brothers had stowed themselves onto the plane. "Where are we going?" Ben asked him, peering over the back of his chair. Conor scrunched up his facial expression in confusion and disgust. "I dunno".

"I just came along cause David said Brad Phellps would be there".

Immediately after these words had been spoken, Conall's head shot up from the seat up front. "BRAD PHELLPS IS GONNA BE THERE?" Conall shouted. The entire airplane was filled with silence.  "Sure, why not" David reassured, breaking the silence. Taking out a framed picture, Conall held it tenderly against his face. Upon closer examination, the picture framed was a portrait of Micheal Phellps, but with Brad Pitt's face stuck onto it.

"I can't stop eating these things man" Jack muttered, as he tore into another bag of brioches. "It's in my blood, my heritage, that I have to eat these god damn things" He explained, his mouth filled with brioches. "You're disgusting" James replied, before cracking open his jar of Reese Peanut Butter, and eating a spoonful. 

Getting up from his chair, Luke began to walk towards the captain's room, as he had had just enough of the terrible music being played over the intercom. Knocking on the door, Luke waited for a response, but got none. Opening the door, Luke was met with the sight of Seamus Ronan John, after he had just fought the Pilots and their mothers, yet had lost in an arm wrestle against the plane controls, and had died. Luke managed to laugh, before walking back towards the others and sitting down.

"So are they gonna change the music?" David asked. Luke laughed again and shook his head. "It's really funny actually, cause I was walking in there, and it turns out that Seamus Ronan John had just killed the pilots, and then died!" He explained, before bursting into a fit of laughter. Conall could be heard snickering in the distance.

"You fucking degenerates" Gareth shouted, before running into the pilot room, but still laughed when he got there. After everyone had got in, they only noticed the plane's descent from the big window that gave a great view of the ground. Minor panic and occasional gasps occured.

"Okay people, we all need to settle down a bit" David said. "Now, who knows how to fly a plane?". The group looked at each other, sometimes mumbling "eh" noises. Stepping forward, Luke sat himself down in the pilots seat and took control of the helm. 

"Excuse me, Microsoft Office Master over here" Luke grinned, as he pulled on the plane's steering, sending the plane at a vertical angle, before swinging the plane around, plummeting it even faster towards the ground.

As the group formed into a large ball as they fell back into the seating area, Gareth caught onto his chair, and from the tossing and turning of the plane, the paper that was thrown at him stuck to his face, as he took it off and unwraveled it with his free hand, and reading the note inside.

"Fart poo ass bum willy" were the words engraved onto the paper.

Amidst the chaos, Gareth was fucking pissing himself.

CHAPTER TWO: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

"Let's get to bashing butts, as well as dese nuts" Pierce 01.00

Awakening with a stir, David was not met with the sounds of J-Pop like he had anticipated. Sitting up, he delved his hand deep into his pockets, searching for the holy tickets that had promised him everlasting life. Withdrawing his hand, he held a pair of soggy and ruined tickets. Staring at the useless pieces of paper, David began to throw an immense tantrum.

Woken by the shrieking, Gareth shouted at David to be quiet, and began pelting rocks at him, each one missing by a great deal. With the rest of the group waking up, David had quietened down to a silent mumble, as he started to whisper to himself. Getting to his feet, Luke walked over to David and sat next to him. "It's okay Davie, you can miss just one concert" Luke reassured. Turning and gripping Luke by the shoulders, David's expression changed to fury.

"FOOL, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND" David shouted. "KYARY PAMYU PAMYU WILL THINK BADLY OF ME, I'LL LOSE MY FAN STATUS" He added, shaking Luke from side to side. Luke was laughing silently, finding the situation ridiculous. Letting go of Luke, David curled into a ball and continued mumbling to himself. 

As the group gathered around the angsty David, they began to review what had just happened.

"Where are we?" Jack asked, a bag of brioches by his side. "Hell" Gareth mumbled, wiping sand off his face. With the group suffering minor amnesia from the crash, and the fact that more than half of them had no idea where the plane was going in the first place, they decided to give up trying to pinpoint their location. 

"My glasses are broken too.." Pierce cursed, throwing the broken pair away. Getting caught in the black hole (Ben's hair), they vanished from sight. The same thing happening to his glasses, Jack threw his away aswell, and procceded to place two brioches in place of his eyes. "Jesus, it actually helps" He gasped.

"So...anyone have any suggestions?" Ryan asked. Conor's head immediately turned to face Ben's. "I vote we eat Ben" He put forward. "Agreed" the group replied without hesitation, before descending upon the screeching child. "Wait!" Ben shouted, and the group froze, apart from Conall, who was still gnawing on Ben's leg. "I suggest we find food in the jungle and build a shelter, I wouldn't be a good meal anyway" He suggested, sweating. The group considered this.

"I suppose, he'd probably just taste like coins anyway" Pierce confirmed. Agreeing, the group stood back from Ben, and began to sort out roles for the members.

"I'll take one for the team and volunteer for Leader" Gareth declared, but was met with stern glares from the group. "Damn all of you, savages" He cursed, muttering to himself. "I can be the Storage manager and terraformer" Said Luke. "I can build shit, I'll be head of construction" James offered. "I can jump pretty high, in case anyone needs a slammer" Conall muttered, spitting out the Ben aftertaste.

Holding up his bag of brioches, Jack shaked them about a bit. "I have a natural talent for finding these things, glasses or not" Jack suggested. "I can run pretty fast, I guess I'll be the scout then" Conor decided. Ryan thought to himself, but couldn't come to any ideas. "If we find a tank..." Ryan began, but he really didn't need to finish.

"And I will be the head of Propaganda, and your dictator!" Gareth declared. "Dick-tator" mumbled James. The group decided to let Gareth have his fun. "Sure thing Gareth, just try not to dictate any choking hazards that you could swallow" Pierce grinned. Looking towards David, everyone thought of something for him to do. Looking up, David sighed. "Just give me somthing cultural and self-expressing" David asked. "Okay, David's the Agriculturist" Conall decided. Not satisfied, David frowned at him. "...and the potential Sex Slave?" Conall added. Humbled, David returned to his crouched shape.

"What do I do?" Ben asked, looking at all of the group members. The group formed into a huddle, and began to whisper ideas, which were just out of earshot from Ben. Moving away from the huddle, the group got back into position. "Can you cook?" Jack asked. "Yeah, kind of" Ben replied. "Can you hunt?" Pierce questioned. "I suppose" Ben mumbled. "Can you farm?" Ryan asked. "A little" Ben replied, his hopes rising.

"Okay then, we're using your hair for bedding" Gaffney declared. 

CHAPTER 3: SUIT UP AND SHUT UP

"Oh god man, I'm starting to get a popcorn withdrawal again" Ryan 05.12

"Are you sure you should be planting them in sand?" Ryan pondered. Placing another brioche into another hole in the sand, Jack patted the sand over the forbidden food. "I don't even think I should be planting these things at all" Jack responded, before digging another hole and placing another brioche into it. As Ryan inched away from Jack, he could hear him whispering as he filled in another hole with sand. "Goodnight, sweet prince" He whispered, as the brioche went out of sight. Needless to say, Ryan walked faster.

Reaching a small number of members from the group, Ryan inquired as to what they were doing. "There's internet" James replied, not answering the question. "So we can contact people?" Ryan asked, moving around to look at the screen. Instead of sending help, James was playing Minecraft on his shitty laptop. "It's Eircom internet, we won't get any help" James mumbled, as he struggled to get more than 3 fps on his screen. "Oh, and this should be the holy object for our camp" James added, as he pulled his fedora out from his pocket and held it out to Ryan, who nodded and brought it to the main campsite.

"It looks great on you" Gareth laughed, as David walzted out of the forest with his newly worn uniform. He was now wearing a onesie with the design reminiscent of the Princess Leia Bikini. The other strange factor was the zip going down the front of it completely. "Where did you find this?" David asked, inspecting his onesie. "I always bring one, just in case" Gareth replied, before walking away nonchalantly. Zipping down the onesie half way, he zipped it back up and made a satisfied noise. "I could start a tumblr revolution of this" He said to himself, before taking a selfie, without his phone, somehow.

Leaping up to the top of a palm tree, Conall grabbed as many basketball shaped fruits as he could, before leaping down and breaking his fall on Ben. Standing up and walking towards the main camp, Conall dropped the Coconuts into a small piece of plane wreckage that looked similiar to a crate. Returning with a bundle of wood, Gaffney dropped it into the pile of building materials for the huts. With James distracted by his laptop, the building was left to Luke.

"I passed my Outlook exam, I know I can organise this" Luke explained, before sticking a log into the ground, then pondering what to do next. With a job that really didn't have much tasks, Pierce took it upon himself to stand next to Luke and chant "BUILD" over and over in the hopes of sparking some sort of work out of him. 

As the night began to dawn, a fire was erected (Gareth's laughing was heard in the distance), and the group gathered round the warmth. 

"Do you think that we are gonna get found?" Was a statement that spread around the campsite, but without an immediate or certain answer. "With Mr. Cleary organising the search, I think not" Gareth mumbled. "How long do you think we can last then?" Ben asked, placing his hand on his hair, only to be met with a bald forehead, but a warm bed of hair. 

"Do you still have that Peanut butter?" Gareth asked, looking directly at James. Taking it out of his jacket, James nodded. "Share the load" Gareth added, to which James, grumbling, carried out. As Luke, David and Gaffney were not interested, it was only given to the rest, who could tolerate the flavour sensation. As they ate the godly nectar, they shared tales of courage, idiocy and being total fucktards. "At least we are doing more than we did in TY" Conall admitted. Gaffney laughed at this. "We could draw on a leaf and still do more than the whole of TY"

The night grew late, and after the 'good nights' and the occasional 'I hope you choke in your sleep', the group returned to their beds, and sleep took over. 

In the silence of before dawn, Ryan heard the sound of footsteps walking away from the camp. Not taking any notice, he went back to sleep.

CHAPTER 4: CAN JEW BELIEVE IT?

"David, my good friend and life companion" The Pope, The President, the entire population of China 0.45

"Uh, guys?" Jack called out. "You're gonna want to see this".

As the group gathered around what was once Ben, there was a moment of silence. "I think Ben's dead" Pierce deducted. Stretched out onto the beach, Ben was in fact, quite dead. "How did he die?" Conor asked, seemingly upset, but also somewhat amused. "Could he have been allergic to the peanut butter?" Gareth asked. James shook his head. "He wouldn't have eaten it" He answered. "Maybe he didn't know it was peanut butter, he is colorblind" Ryan proposed.

"Still, someone would have had to give it to him, and they wouldn't just say 'eat this'" said Pierce. "Judging that it's Ben, he probably would of" Gareth murmured. The group tried their bests to keep the Jewish jokes to a minimum,  without success. "I did Nazi that coming" Gaffney laughed. "That's reich, Anne Frankley I'm suprised too" Pierce responded.

Seeing that there was nothing they could do, the group didn't think twice about just leaving the body as it was. Having some respect, Luke kicked some sand over Ben's face. What a guy.

As the group returned to the camp, they sat down and started an intense stare-off at each other. Standing up, David ordered for the group to calm down, which they immediately did. Glaring at David, Gareth opened his mouth to likely argue, but was cut off by Gaffney. "Why do we have to listen to David?" Gaffney asked, looking around the group for support. "Cause David has the hat!" James replied. Standing up, Pierce pointed his finger angrily towards Conor. "Cause Davids a pretty fucking princess."

"Shut up!" Gaffney shouted back. "How do we know that you didn't kill Ben?" He added. "Because you are the one who hated him the most!" Jack declared, glaring at Gaffney. Gaffney gave Jack a quick threataning glance, to which Jack, being half blind, mistook as being sexual, and so felt rather uncomfortable for the rest of the day. "A likely suspect is James, the one who had the peanut butter in the first place, and Ben died next to HIS hut!" Conall accused, speaking up just because he wanted to add to the drama. Stamping his feet on the ground, David's face went red with anger. "I am the leader, I have the Holy Fedora, and I said everyone has to calm down!" He ordered. Gareth gritted his teeth. "No, I'm the leader, I have the best qualifications!" Gareth spat.

The entire group got to their feet and started to bellow insults and self-centered opinions. "I'm a Microsoft Office master, peasants!" Luke informed. "So am I!" Gareth retorted, kicking sand. "Yeah Gareth, 6 weeks too slow I'm afraid" Luke sneered. Clenching his fists, Gareth stormed towards Luke with an expression that made Luke laugh uncontrollably. As Conall and Ryan restrained the enraged athiest, the group began to settle down as Gareth was put back into his crib.

"Now everyone, go do your chores or so help me you're all grounded!" David shouted. Slinking away, the group started their work on the camp. Sighing, David walked back to his hut, tired from the stress. "Kids these days" He muttered to himself.

"But what if it isn't even one of us?" Jack mumbled, trembling. "What do you mean?" James asked, as he slipped his hand into Jack's brioche bag, only to pull it out with seven cuts on his hand. He learned his lesson very quickly. "Like, what if an animal killed Ben?" Jack added. Gaffney shook his head. "There was very little blood, and it wasn't even enough blood loss to kill Ben if it was an Animal" He explained. Sighing, Jack replaced his bag of knives with his bag of brioches, and lifted one out and took a sad bite out of it. "It's so good" he sniffled.

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Bending over, David wiped the sandy beach with his hand, and felt something flat and glass-like. Wiping off more sand, David discovered a buried dance-floor that David had put into the plane's first class, even though he did not have first class tickets, cause David's nice like that.

Tipping the holy fedora, the group gathered around him, in astonishment of the newly found Eden. "This dance floor will be our place of meeting" David decided, and thus, it was so. And sweet boogie ensued, and Time warps were common.

CHAPTER 5: THE REAR-END GUARD

"I'm like, 80 percent brioche man. I am becoming one with the brioche" Jack 03.30.

Slamming a coconut into the hoop, Conall totally did a radical flip and landed on his feet, praising Brad Phelps for the skills he has bestowed upon him. "None of us can play basketball, this isn't fair" Gareth moaned, before he was plowed down by Conall once again, who did scored again. WIth the teams being Conall against Jack, Gareth, Pierce, Ryan and James, it was highly unfair, as Conall needed much more opposition for him to falter in the slightest.

The wind whispered "Lord Of the Slam" as Conall slammed again on Gareth's head.

Once again, the night began to show its existance on the edge of the horizon. Picking up the holy Fedora, David tipped it, and the group quickly returned to the campsite. Gathering around the dance floor, the group waited eagerly for David's word. "I suggest that we establish a Night Watch, to keep any more murders from happening" He declared. The entire group was eager for this to happen. "How many are going to be on the Night watch?" Pierce asked.

"We need two people" David replied. "I pick Gareth and Ryan" He added. Groaning, Gareth got to his feet and made the heil sign. Ryan did the same, but with less Nazism. Supplied with very well sharpened pencils, the two began their patrol along the beach. Feeling more secure, the group decided to stay up for a little while before going to bed, their minds at ease.

At the time what the boys once knew as one AM, hearing the sound of footsteps, Gaffney peered outside of his hut, only to see Ryan entering the forest. Sneaking out from his hut, He followed Ryan's footsteps silently. Stepping on a branch by mistake, Gaffney rushed into the Jungle after Ryan. Hearing the noise, Gareth strided over to where it originated from, and snook silently after Gaffney. 

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"WAKE UP, WAKE UP YOU FUCKERS WAKE THE FUCK UP" Gareth shouted, banging his feet against one of the huts. Emerging from the huts, the rest of the weary group mumbled to themselves, cursing Gareth's name. "What the hell man" Pierce groaned. Breathing heavily, Gareth attempted to explain what had just happened.

"Ryan's dead" Gareth shouted. Gasps and "the fucks" came from around the group. "And I know who killed him too" He added. The group looked around at each other to distinguish who it could be. "Gaffney killed Ryan, and Ben" Gareth explained. Murmurs went around the group, but they soon noticed that Gaffney was in fact, missing. "Where is Gaffney now?" Jack asked.

"He's run off into the Jungle, I'm not sure how far" Gareth explained, before beckoning for the group to follow him. Reluctantly, the group did so.

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"All he wanted was to drive tanks" James whispered, as the group stood around the dead body of Ryan. With a pencil lodged into his forehead, it was no mystery to how he died. The group was silent as they paid their final respects to Ryan, before they each agreed that he would be a very good meal. Grabbing him by the legs, Pierce and Gareth both pulled him back to the campsite. As the rest of the group left the jungle, Conall spent a couple of minutes mumbling to himself. 

 "Gaffney, my sweet, why has thou forsaken me?".

Tipping the Fedora again, David summoned the remaining members to the dance floor. The meeting was opened with a short boogie, then the serious matters were discussed. "Okay people, the Night Watch was a total blunder, and only ended up with a watcher dead, and another one on the run" David informed sadly. "But, we do know who the killer is, in a lighter note" David added in a happier tone. "But where is he?" James asked. David grumbled.

"We don't know, but, we DO have some more food!" Pierce exclaimed, holding up Ryan's detached leg. Holding it upside down, Pierce caused a small, black object to fall out of Ryan's trouser leg, and land on the sand. As the group's attention was directed towards the strange object, Jack picked it up and inspected it. Realising what it was, Jack gasped. The group leaned it for an explanation of what it was.

"This, is a radio..." Jack informed.

CHAPTER 6: HELLO? IS IT ME YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?

"Be fast like fast food Jackie Chan" James 02.12

As the sun came over the horizon, the sound of crackling and static came from the hut furthest to the right of the camp. Huddled around the radio, Jack and Luke listened for any change in the Radio's sound. "Still no reception" Jack groaned, as Luke switched between the diffrent radio waves. Switching onto a random channel, a diffrent noise echoed from the device.

"Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga" The radio crackled.

Luke and Jack both looked at each other in dispair. "Great" Luke mumbled. Hearing the sound of such incredible symphany, James sprinted into the room and held up the holy radio. "This is our anthem!" He cried, before running out of the room and towards the campsite. Placing the radio in the center, James stood back and admired his creation, as the music blared throughout the entire campsite.

"Why the police hate niggas?".

The entire camp members emerged from their huts, some dancing, some laughing, most crying. "What is that ruckus" David grumbled, brushing the hair from the front of his face. As a dancing Gareth went across his line of sight, David knew that they were all going to die on this Island. The entire camp erupted in song as the lyrics flowed like rainwater.

"Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga NIGGA!" 

"CAUSE OUR DICKS IS BIGGA" 

James wiped a manly tear from his eye.

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"So what is the deal about David and the potential Prostitute role?" Conal inquired to the small group of members gathered around the dance floor, one of them being David, the others being Jack and Gareth.  "Well, I'm the leader now, so I don't know how it'll work out" David replied. Not having a clue what was going on, Jack continued to eat Brioches, not asking any questions in case he got unwanted answers.

"But a leader is supposed to be good to his people, right?" Gareth reminded. David thought about this for a second, then smiled. "I suppose, that's true!" He confirmed. Standing up, David dusted himself off and stood in front of the small group of survivors. 

"Who want's to go for a test run?" David declared. A sea of hands erupted, as they followed David back to the leader's hut. 

"Hey, one at a time you vultures" David ordered.

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"Ged daym Americans on my ged daym island" Luke mocked. "Ged dayum tourists eatin my crocodiaeles" James responded. "Geyd daum irish driving their trakturs on mah laewn" "Gewd deng japs ad their electronical music taste" "Gurd durn computers dun hacking my brain" "Ged daumn  skateburders skatin in mah house" "Ged Daym irish people sayin Ged daym all the time"

"Ged daym" Luke responded in agreeance.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Pierce asked, confused by their American Pride. James and Luke both glared at Pierce with redneck rage. "Ged damn it Pierce, yer interupting us you filthy commie" James stammered. "Ged daym commies aend thur communist ways" Luke added. As the two hallucinating microsoft masters continued to mock the communists, Pierce backed away slowly. 

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CHAPTER 7: MUCH CONSPIRACY, SUCH WOW

"*Pulls the skin of his face down in spite of your idiocy*" Luke 04.12

As the sun began to descend over the horizon, Luke hurried his steps back towards the campsite. The uneasy feeling of being watched lingered over his senses, as his eyes darted from left to right, searching for movement in the jungle. Walking past the outermost hut, Luke began to calm himself down. Gaffney's dissapearance was worrying, and he didn't know when he would strike again. Never the less, he kept his Microsoft Office Master's nerves.

Seeing that Conall and David were sitting by the fire, Luke casually walked towards them and did the same. Greeting him, they began to discuss matters of great significance. "So what are we going to do about Gaffney?" Luke asked, hoping for an answer. Conall's expression grew sadder. "There's not much we can do about it at the moment" David replied. Luke was not pleased with the answer. "But the longer we wait, the higher the risk becomes" Luke responded.

"The risk of what?" Conall asked. "The risk of him killing us all, obviously" Luke replied. David was purplexed by this. "But why would he want to kill us? Surely he wouldn't kill Conall" David argued. Luke was beginning to see David's argument clearer. "In fact, I find it hard to believe that he would find a reason to kill Ryan too" Luke agreed. "But we both know that Ben was an obvious target of Gaffney" David mumbled. "Sean Teegan did say that Gaffney was fast...but timid" Conall exclaimed in a whisper of emphasis.

As the night dragged on, Suspicions didn't go much further than how they began. Agreeing to stay awake during the night, they bid each other farewell before returning to their huts. 

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With the sun rising once again, David emerged from his hut, ensuring that nobody had died in the night. Returning to his hut and picking up the holy fedora, he strutted towards the Dance Floor and tipped the fedora of assembly. As the survivors arrived at diffrent times,  David was relieved to see that nobody had been slain.

After the role-call was carried out, the group returned to their duties. With Luke working on the radio, they maintaned a constant signal output from the Island, in hope of reaching a USEFUL station. Having not reached anything of any help, Luke continued to use his Microsoft Office skills to work to his best.

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"So, Donal Walsh, hot or not?" James asked. As everyone wrote an answer down on their pieces of paper, James waited patiently for his eager students to finish. "TIME UP GIVE ME THE PAPERS" James shouted as his sun clock reached the time limit, before walking around the group and collecting their answers. "Im not finished yet!" Gareth cried, as he frantically wrote more on his page. Grabbing his sheet and holding it up to his face, James frowned.

"Gareth this is a drawing of Sips" James described. 

"An unfinished drawing of Sips" Gareth replied angrily.

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"I DIDN'T ASK FOR BODY SHOTS OF DONAL WALSH YOU FUCKERS" James shouted as the group scattered in different directions.

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After the fun and games were finished and the sun was ONCE AGAIN setting in the horizon, the group felt more at ease, as they had grown more accustomed to the Island. Luke, being tired as hell from working on the radio, was unable to stay with it for the night, and was replaced by Jack, who stayed awake with his caffeine infused brioches.

"If you get any signals, get David to tip the hat" Pierce informed, before exiting the radio hut. 

The sun had set, and the sky was black, as the rest of the group returned to their huts and slowly drifted to sleep. The sounds of the radio whirring and buzzing could be heard ever so faintly in the distance, and the occasional munching of brioches that ran alongside it.

CHAPTER 8: RADIO KILLED THE BRIOCHE STAR

"Shut up bEn" -Gaffney 03.12

"Fantastic, wonderful just perfect" Gareth moaned. "Two for fucking one".

As the group gathered around the brioche covered body of Jack, they all have had enough of this shit. Scattered next to Jack's head was the shattered radio, obviously used to beat Jack's head it multiple, nay, MANY times. SO many times that the radio was near unrecognisable, and Jack could only be recognised by the great mass of brioches that littered his corpse.

Picking up the mangled pieces of the radio, Luke grumbled. "I can't Master this". Dropping the radio onto the sand, the vibration triggered the radio's last function. Everyone heard it coming. As the song gradually rose in volumne, the survivors became more and more insane.

"choo choo train... fruit fruit".

Stamping the radio into pieces, Conall picked the biggest piece left and slammed it against the wall. The radio crackled the last warped fragments of the song, before dying out with a bang, scaring the crap out of Gareth. The group stood in silence as they tried to figure out what the hell just happened.

"This is the worst trip ever" David moaned, cursing his inability to resist J-Pop concerts. Once again, the ritual burial was performed, in which the body was eaten and the bones were used to make funny statues.

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Taking a bite out of Jack's arm, James stopped chewing and looked down at the other half of the arm. Inside, was pure Brioche. Shrugging, James didn't know what else he would of expected.

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Walking along the beach, Conall heard a voice calling to him. As he turned to face it, he was met with the apparation of Brad Phellps, holding a golden trophy and showing off his gleaming muscles. Freezing in Awe, Conall did the slam salute. "Coach Phellps!" Conall squealed. Brad Phellps let out a mighty laughter, his golden face sparkling in sheer beauty. "I have come to you in your hour of need, Conall of the Calleries" Brad proclaimed, with his voice of honey.

"What words of wisdom do you bestow upon me, oh great and powerful Brad?" Conall asked. Brad flipped his shining hair to the side, and placed his hands on the sides of his gleaming ripped body. Pausing for effect, Brad stared intently at Conall.

"It's not the fact that I'm dying that im upset" Brad spoke.

Conall's eyes shot open upon hearing those satanic words. 

"It's all the beautiful things that I'll be leaving behind" Brad added. In the split second after saying that, Brad took on a new form. He was not the example of perfection like he was before. Brad Phellps was no longer the ultimate slam. Brad Phellps had become,

Donal Walsh.

Enraged, Conall rushed towards the cancer striken child with his Slam-Trained hands. As soon as he came within a short distance from Donal, he went through thin air. Donal had disseapeared. It was all a hallucination. A cruel, cruel lie that has denied Conall his chance to become the ultimate slammer. And Conall was not happy. Picking up his basketball, Conall fired it into the air until it was out of sight.

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As David sat upon the dance floor, he took out his phone and spoke to his twitter followers.

"Jacks dead, and my copy of Frozen hasn't arrived yet. FML :(" He typed, before sending it onto the interwebs. Pleased with himself, he got up and walked over to his hut. Leaning on the side of it, he decided to take a rest.

Way up high, the orange ball of death plummeted towards the ground. Hitting David's hut, it sent out a shockwave of power, setting all of the huts on fire. Glancing behind him, David noticed the enormous wall of flames that had engulfed the entire camp. 

"Oh" He muttered to himself. 

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"David, what the fuck did you do?!" Pierce shouted, looking at the destruction of the camp. David sat with his head in his hands, wide eyed and startled. "I knew I shouldn't have sent a tweet, I knew how dangerous they are" David whispered. As the rest of the group returned to the camp, they questioned the cause of all of the destruction.

"I'm so so so sorry you guys, really, I am" David frantically apologised. The group was not humbled by this apology. "We need something more that that, David" Gareth warned. Looking down at his facebook app on his phone, David decided to do what he never hoped of doing. "I'll make sure that this never happens again, by deleting all my friends" David declared.

Before any of the group could stop him, David had deleted his entire friends list. An empty screen was all that was left on his page, and immediately, David fell to the floor.

The group knew that he was dead. Everyone knows that David's life force comes from his godlike mass of friends. Gathering around the body of David, the survivors had a moment of silence. "Anyone got a speech?" Conall asked. No one replied.

"Okay then, may you Slam in the Jam, boomshakalaka" Conall proclaimed.

CHAPTER 9: SHE'S BRACKEN' BETTER THAN EVER

"NIIIIIIIICE" Conall -03.23

Needless to say, the group was rather shaken up. The events that had happened in such a short time span were quite unnerving. As the group slowly descended into chaos, the odds of their survival on this island were slim. With their leader and the majority of the group dead, Gareth, Pierce, James, Luke and Conall were alone on the island, apart from the constant fear of Gaffney striking again.

The group had started to split apart, each of them building their own huts a great distance from each other, as the confusion had lead to arguments and accusations, and it would be best if they would stay apart for most of the day, but still stay together in companionship. Food, shelter  and materials were shared to each man scarcely, but members of the group occasionally met up and talked. 

Tossing a stone out onto the sea, James watched as it skimmed across the surface, until it was completely out of sight. James was pleased with this, and began to turn away, before he heard a familiar voice coming from far out to sea. 

"Kindly refrain from disrupting the class" echoed the voice, spoken likely through a loudspeaker. James clutched his head in sheer disbelief. "don't fucking tell me th-" He began, before he was cut off by the sounds of the rest of the group running towards him and staring out to sea in search of the voice's location. 

A small dot on the horizon came into view, and rapidly got bigger and bigger, until it was recognisable as the bow of a ship. Whipping out his Microsoft Office Telescope, Luke zoomed in on the ship to get a better look. Standing atop the front of the ship, was none other than Ms. Bracken. A large powerpoint on Climate change was displayed on the ships hull. Gasping, Luke lowered the scope.

"It's ms. Bracken students" Luke informed in his Ms. Bracken voice. Taking the scope from Luke in disbelief, Pierce took another look at the ship. Seeing Ms. Bracken, he was shocked. Seeing a head raise up from the front of the bow, it soon showed none other than Cadet. Fitzgibbons, reporting for duty. "Stand for attention, it's Cadet. Fitzgibbon!" He shouted. Each of the members looked through the scope, each of them pondering, thinking, stumbling upon the fact that "This is fucking unbelievable".

Holding the loudspeaker up, Ms. Bracken addressed the class. "Students, you did not have permission to leave class that early, I'm coming to take your name down" She shouted, her voice carried over by the speaker. The group erupted in laughter. "You're all going to finish your tests NOW" She blared. Luke began rolling on the sand, laughing. "And Gareth Jones?" Ms. Bracken called out. Gareth's head raised up, and listened, wiping the tears of laughter from his face.

"Big Money, Big Women and Big Fun is NOT AN ANSWER" She called out. The group fell to the ground, overcome with sheer humour. 

As the ship got closer, the group gradually stopped laughing and waited patiently for their departure. Upon the ship coming within 100 metres of the Island, Ms Bracken took out the role call. "TY1?" She inquired. The group members looked at one another. "No, we're TY3" Gareth replied. Ms Bracken looked back down at the role call, then back at the students.

"fuck" she murmured, yet she still had the loudspeaker up to her face. She waved towards Cadet Fitzgibbons, who began to steer the ship the other way. Seeing that the ship wasn't here to get them, Conall, James, Luke and Pierce all started running along the bay, shouting insults and bribes to pick them up, although Luke just repeated what everyone else said, but in Ms. Bracken's voice.

Kicking at the sand, Gareth noticed something near James' hut. Inspecting it, he gritted his teeth and stormed off into the Jungle, enraged.

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After the shouting and screaming had subsided, James returned to his hut, the one which Ben was killed next to. Sulking, he laid against the outside of his hut, and looked down at the ground. 

A shape in the sand caught his eye, and upon closer inspection, it was the remnants of the sand angel that Ben had made when he died. Kneeling down, James put his hand onto the imprint, and wiped his fingers across it. Lifting them up, he noticed something very strange about what was left there. It was Reese's Peanut butter. A lot of it.

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Continuing on the trail, James walked quietly towards what was once Gaffney's hut. Searching about the rubble, James pulled off a piece of timber floorboards that was still placed into the ground. A piece of paper was underneath, and James picked it up, and read it to himself.

~Can't trust. Fuck. Got to go and discuss, when he is distracted~ Were the words enscribed onto the paper. Putting it into his pocket, James walked away from the hut nonchalantly. 

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Coming to one of the entrances to the Jungle, James followed the route that lead to where Ryan was found dead. Coming to the open clearance, he did not see anything suspicious about Ryan's death print. Walking forward, he noticed footsteps running further into the forest, footsteps running out of the forest, likely Gaffney running away, and Gareth running back to the camp to warn them about what happened.

Efforts to follow Gaffney's footsteps had served in conclusive, as they spread out in multiple directions, and all ended abruptly. James decided it would be pointless to try and follow them again. Turning around, a faint change in scenery caught his eye. Looking back to it's location, James squinted, and noticed a faint engravement upon a tree in the distance. Leaping over the vegetation, James pushed his way through the plants. Reaching the tree, looked down at the jungle floor, which was covered heavily in leaves and grass.

Engraved into the dirty ground, were the names of those who came to the island. Each of these members were dead, and James noticed something amiss. Gaffneys name was written down on this list. Next to his name, was the emotion that caused James to clench his teeth in anger. Aside Gaffneys name, was :3.

Standing up, James clenched his fist. He knew that this was going to end.

And it was going to end Big.

CHAPTER 10: THE FINAL SLAM

"~@@?>###'>@@Big Money, Big WOMEN, BIG FUN_+@@@@?@~@~ " Gareth- 00.00

"I knew it the whole time you guys, took you long enough" Luke laughed. Pierce scowled at him, and asked for more information. "The signs all add up, we know the killer, we know his location" James declared. "But we don't know his means" He added. "Does this mean Gaffney is alive?" Luke asked. James shook his head. "Unlikely" He mumbled.

"I knew you were just a delicate flower" Conall weeped for the loss of Gaffney. Moving on, the rest of the group continued to discuss the matters at hand. "We have to do something, and fast" Luke decided, adding in fast for emphasis. James looked about the group, and came to an indecision.

Standing up, Pierce looked triumphantly towards the Jungle. "The statue of the malaysian airline is where he is, you say?" Pierce recalled. James nodded. "Yes, that's where I believe he is heading to" James replied. Shaking himself up, Pierce began sprinting towards the jungle without another word. Before anyone else could stop him, the rest of the group realised that they weren't really bothered anyway. "Wanna play scrabble?" Luke asked. Conall glared at Luke.

"Prepare to get wrecked" He warned.

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Power-walking through the Jungle, Gareth was suprised that the plan had gone so well. Yes, he knew that everyone else was an idiot compared to his utter genius, but he didn't expect them to be THAT stupid. (Author's note, this section was written with Gareth's smugness) Following the trail to the Statue, Gareth broke out in a small smile.

Feeling a hard knock to the face, Gareth stumbled as Pierce came from behind with a punch missing Gareth. "Aw FUCK OFF!" Gareth shouted, before catching Pierce's legs with a kick and running away towards the statue. Slowly getting to his feet, Pierce ran after Gareth.

Reaching the statue, Gareth looked to his left and right, then up to the top of the statue. Placing his hand onto a gripping point, he slowly began to climb up the tall statue. Coming into the clearing, Pierce stood in indecision as Gareth reached the top of the Statue. Pierce began to shout obscurities at Gareth, as Gareth slowly began to peer over the side. 

"What the fuck Gareth?!" Pierce shouted. Gareth looked confused at him. "What?" Gareth answered back. "Explain yourself!" Pierce demanded. Gareth stood up on the statue flicked his hair away from his eyes. "Gladly" He answered.

"There never was a J-Pop concert, Pierce" Gareth chuckled. "What?!" Pierce called back. "I planned this whole thing out, the ordering of the tickets, the crash landing of the Plane.." Gareth explained. "The... eradication of those who'm I desired" He added,

"How did you know that we would bring you on board?!" Pierce shouted back. "I knew that cheapskate juveniles like you couldn't bare to ignore a 'free extra luggage' voucher' Gareth answered. Pierce scowled, knowing that this was true. 

"But why did you do all of this?!" Pierce demanded an answer. Gareth began his evil laugh, which was 'fucking pitiful' according to Pierce. "For communism, obviously" Gareth answered.

Pierce froze as everything became clear. The island was the perfect place for communism to be set up, as it was not influenced by other countries or cultures. Gareth had hidden this fact during the whole time they spent here, and Pierce wondered how long Gareth had been planning this for BEFORE the concert. Days, months, Years? It all seemed likely.

"You can just turn away now Pierce, this can have nothing to do with you!" Gareth shouted down to Pierce. Pierce shook his head. "No fucking way you dickwad! I'll kill you!" He threatened, before placing his hand onto the gripping point, and fumbling about as he tried to climb the statue. Gareth gritted his teeth, as he fidgeted with the coconut in his hand, that he had picked from the tree above him.

"Pierce, don't you dare come any closer" Gareth warned. Pierce gave a small chuckle, fatigued by the climb. "Since when did you give orders?!" Pierce shouted, continuing to climb. Gareth, unable to control his Communist anger, Broke out in a broad grin, and raised the Coconut high into the air. "Since always" He answered, before tossing the coconut down, conking Pierce on the head, causing him to plummet to the ground.

Gareth sat down upon the statue and breathed in and out, tired from all the drama. After a minute or two, Gareth walked to the edgeof the statue and looked down, and became dizzy. Clinging to the top of the statue, he suddenly became frozen with fear, unable to get down.

"Fuck me" Gareth cursed.

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After totally wrecking Luke at scrabble, Conall took a walk along the beach, thinking over what had happened over the last few days. Kicking sand, he exhaled sadly with his basketball court lungs. Looking up at the sky, he sighed again.

Noticing a black dot in the sky, Conall froze. As it got closer, Conall could make out what it was. As it got closer and closer, Conall's excitement rose. When it finally descended onto the beach, Conall wept manly tears as the black shape opened to reveal a familiar face.

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Stamping the ground, Gareth cursed and shouted. If only he hadn't of been so stupid to climb the planes wing, he would be able to complete his plans. He knew that he couldn't call out for help from James or Luke, as they would notice the dead body of Pierce. Gareth also couldn't know if they knew his plans as well, so he didn't risk calling for help.

Hearing a loud chopping sound from the distance, Gareth stared intently at where it was coming from. As the sound grew closer, the trees began to sway in tandom. A shadow dawned upon the plane's wing, as a large dark shape appeared over the treetops. Gareth gawked in awe, as he recognised it as a helicopter. The helicopter lowered itself down enough so that the doors could be seen, and Gareth waited for them to open and reveal the figure inside.

As the doors swung open, Gareth exhaled a breath of relief as Conall revealed himself. "Conall, thank Athiesmo you're here" He exclaimed, to which Conall sneered at. "Now, get me down from here!" Gareth ordered. Conall did not respond.

Descending from the treetops, Conall landed at the top of the wing, and stared at Gareth with anger in his eyes. "Gareth Jones, you are in big trouble!" He warned. Gareth shook his head. "No Conall, you have been misled" Gareth insisted. Conall tilted his head in confusion.. "Misled" He repeated. "Yes Conall, they have been denying you from Brad Phellps, tricking you with Donal Walsh" Gareth replied. "Gaffney has been the one killing everyone, the evidence leads up to it!" 

Conall flashed his shining teeth as he grinned at Gareth. Peering around the doors of the Helicopter, Gaffney stood proudly as he laughed at Gareth. Gareth froze. "Impossible! I... I killed you!" Gareth shouted, quivering. Lifting up his shirt, Gaffney showed his incredible abs, which had only a slight bruise on them. Gareth gawked at this. "I THREW A FUCKING WEAPON AT YOU, HOW ARE YOU BRUISED?!?!" Gareth bellowed, sweating.

"You should try squatting" Gaffney responded.

Gareth turned to face Conall, and clenched his teeth, nervous. "Do not listen to Gaffney, Conall" Gareth ordered. "He is tricking you with Brad Phellps" Gareth added. Conall tilted his head slightly. "Tricking me?" Conall responded, confused. Gaffney noticed this, and began to fret.

"Oh come on Conall, it's just two photos stuck together!" Gareth shouted. Conall began to sulk. "Get up!" Gareth ordered. "But, I need Brad" Conall replied. Gareth gritted his teeth, stamped his feet and pulled at his hair in rage.

"BRAD PHELLPS ISN'T REAL CONALL" Gareth bellowed at the top of his voice. Conall looked up at Gareth, with a pale face and wide eyes. "I MADE HIM UP CONALL, HE ISN'T REAL" Gareth added, screeching. Conall began to mumble sputtered words to himself, as he questioned his life. His meaning was Brad Phellps. His existence was Brad Phellps.

Throwing down a framed picture to Conall, Gaffney smiled as Conall caught it with his slamming hands. Looking at the picture, Conall noticed that it was a picture of himself, in a fireman uniform and flexing his abs. Conall was confused for a moment, but then realised the hidden meaning behind the picture. Conall knew what this meant. Conall knew what Conall was.

Standing up, Conall walked towards Gareth, who ordered him to halt. Picking Gareth up with both of his hands, Conall held him up horizontaly above him. "Put me DOWN NOW!" Gareth shouted, flailing about in the air. Conall was confused, but Conall was sure. Conall was nothing, but Conall was something. Conall did not have Brad Phellps.

But Conall Was Brad Phellps.

"COME ON AND SLAM!" he shouted, before throwing Gareth down the statue. Gareth screamed as he fell down the massive peak, and ultimately landed on the jungle floor, dead. Breathing heavily, Conall let out a mighty roar and beat his chest multiple times. 

Somewhere, Brad Pitt and Michael Phellps never felt more attracted to each other.

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Running down to the beachfront, Luke noticed that James was sailing away on a raft, holding his laptop up into the air. "Where are you going?" He asked. Standing up, James directed his laptop to the east. "They say that the Internet is much better near Poland, so I'm gonna try my chances there!" He called back, waving. "Solong!" He shouted.

"Oh, okay, yeah bye Gately" Luke shouted back, waving. And so, Luke was left there by himself. As James' raft went out of sight, Luke turned his head and look at the remnants of the campsite and into unexplored land as he stood at the water's edge.

Grinning, Luke chuckled to himself. "the one and only, Microsoft Office Master" He whispered to himself, before turning around and walking along the beach.

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As Luke trekked across the island, with the idea that he was the only survivor,  he noticed a black dot in the sky, that was growing closer and closer. He quickly identified it to be a helicopter, and stopped walking, and started jumping and waving to attract it's attention. The helicopter had already spotted him, and was descending from the sky, and landed in front of him.

The doors slided open, and standing in the helicopers passenger bay was Conall, Gaffney, and Simon wearing a golden robe and crown. "Gaffney? Simon?" Luke gasped.

"You better believe it" Simon replied. "How did you get this stuff?" Luke asked. Simon laughed to himself. 

"It's a pretty short story that involves some rocks and the Simon Magic touch" Simon replied, grinning. Conall turned to Simon, not really understanding, but it was Simon so what the hell.

"I just woke up on the island next to this one, and luckily I woke up next to a bunch of rocks, so I made another country" Simon explained, as Luke got onto the Helicopter, which started to rise. "Obviously I trained some monkeys to learn how to build and design Helicopters, that goes without saying" Simon added. 

"Did we get him?" Came a voice from the back of the helicopter. Recognising the voice as Barry's, Luke watched in suprise as Barry, Cian, Danny, Josh and Dominic peered their heads around the corner. Conall and Luke both stared at each other, and Conall nodded, understanding Luke's suprise.

Not needing an explanation, the two students then laid back on their seats and closed their eyes. It was finally all over, and everything could return to normal.

"Uh, sir?" Came a voice from the pilots room. "Yes, peasant?" Simon answered. "The Helicopters going dow-" answered the pilot, before the stomach churning descent ensued, as the Helicopter crashed onto another Island, far from the last.

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Crawling out of the wreackage, Luke looked upwards to see that they had crash landed on another undiscovered island, far from civilisation.  Luke put his hands on his face and dragged them down, groaning.

"jesus fucking christ" He muttered.

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  EPILOGUE

Closing the book, the boy sighed and placed it down on his bed. "What a terrible story" he thought to himself. "Thousands of people have been stranded on Islands, what's so special about them? They are rude, mean, and very uncivilised, and that book was terribly clique too, I couldn't stand to read anymore" He criticised. "Just because they are Irish doesn't mean they should get all the attention when something bad happens to them" He mumbled. Hearing a voice from downstairs, the boy perked his head up. "Donal Walsh, mom says it's time for dinner!" came his sisters voice. "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING BITCH"

THE END


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