I'm just going to put this out there because I am tired of being questioned,being called a bitch or inhuman. And maybe someone out there can relate.
I may act or seem like I don't care about people especially those closest to me.
I am more than capable of loving, caring and trusting, but the truth is caring and loving brings more pain than I care to handle. I find it extremely difficult to trust, and I am hurt very easily.
Once i trust or love you, you now have all the power in the world to hurt me. With every disappointment and every cruel word.
I have been hurt by the people who are supposed to care the most,whether done knowingly, purposefully or not. And I know there are many people that have gone through the same or worse than I have, so this is not a cry for help, pity or self pity,but simply my effort of helping others understand.
I can handle physical pain, it goes away...but emotional pain leaves scares.
Along with trust, love and everything good,comes fear, resentment and hesitation.
I know it is not the way to lead a happy life, therefore I am working on it, and myself.
Personally I hate emotions and I hate showing emotions, mainly because I feel weak when I do.
Don't get me wrong I do not think less of others for showing emotions. It brings me great joy to see others happy and sorrow to see others sad, hurting or in pain. And I would be heart broken if I were to cause pain of any kind upon another living being.
Emotions show others that they can either hurt you or help you. You now have the power to take me down, so forgive me if my walls are so high.
Underneath deep sorrow, pain and sadness there will always be light, joy and happiness and it is up to you to make it happen.
If you have ever felt so lost or betrayed then you can relate on some level.
Now I am just starting to realize that this logic is not the way to find happiness in life, and it's really just another way of hurting myself.
This is me, this is who I am. I will love and be loyal to the best of my ability, but
I will never give you the power to hurt me.
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