Deafening Silence

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

I began writing as a means to work through my grief over the loss of my sister, Lesley Day, to cancer. Since her loss I have felt like a piece of me is missing, too. In the process I have taken a deeper look at my family before and my family now and what it all means to me. For a portion of my life I felt like a person without a voice, but I now know you really can hear me.

Grief is this vast, open space with no color or sound,

just an empty awareness of no longer me and you.

The silence of your absence is deafening at times.

So much of life is this one-way conversation

taking place in a paradigm of my own creation.

 It doesn't matter how much time passes,

when I find myself here it is as lonely for me

as the day you stopped breathing.

Grief sneaks up on me when I feel vulnerable or afraid

and it pounces like a rabid dog, infecting me with its' disease. 

For a few moments, or hours I feel myself a child again

lost amid the chaos of life with no ability to interpret its' meaning.

And then life happens,

it is all around me;

even now it calls my name,

"Mom, Mom, where are you?"

And I am here

I am glad to be here

I just selfishly wish

you were here, too


Submitted: May 18, 2010

© Copyright 2021 E Cluff. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Rose Bouquet

This has depth, you have been through a tragic journey of loss, and the poem speaks of there being so much life around you, pulling you back from the dark.
I really like it.
Rose

Tue, May 18th, 2010 8:28pm

Author
Reply

Thank you, Rose. It is true, light and dark and so much color in-between. You are a talented writer and your words are so powerfully connected. I am a fan!

Tue, May 18th, 2010 2:56pm

gerabel

Written from the heart in such a way that it touches the reader's heart as well. With grief being an undesired emotional experience it is difficult for me to praise your writing with words like "enjoyable" or "exciting". ALl I can honestly say is I was moved beyond expectation by your words.

Having experienced great loss in my lifetime your expression of the colorless open space we know as grief grabbed me and didn't let go until the last colorful word was read, bring me back to reality.

Thank you for sharing a part of your heart.....Jerry

Wed, May 19th, 2010 5:16am

Author
Reply

Thank you for your encouragement, you really did hear my heart. Thanks for taking the time to listen.

Tue, May 18th, 2010 11:13pm

Graeme Montrose

Beautiful words deep from within the inner recess of the heart and soul. I know several people who have died from cancer and more who have it some dying! It indeed reaches inside your soul and wrenches it to loose someone so. Well done great poem.

Wed, May 19th, 2010 8:55am

Author
Reply

Thank you Graeme.

Wed, May 19th, 2010 6:49am

BPhilen

I am sorry for your sorrow and the grief of the loss of your sister, but through it all at the end I believe you one day will be reunited. Writing has always been an instrument for me to get what is in my head into writing that I can see. It has always helped in the past,present and probably future. I'm sure it helps you a bit too. Your sister is probably reading this poem and smiling for you. Keep writing, get it all out.
*B

Wed, May 19th, 2010 7:30pm

Author
Reply

Thank you and I agree, writing has helped and I'm sure Lesley is smiling, she always did.

Wed, May 19th, 2010 12:35pm

freedom

i'm so sorry for the loss of your sister....and your words are deep and they truly speak of what you have been through....keep writing....great poem.

Thu, May 20th, 2010 8:48am

Author
Reply

Thank you for taking the time to read my poem, writing is helping. I appreciate your input. Elisa

Thu, May 20th, 2010 2:27am

Vincey Delaney

very sad and a wonderful tribute to your sister! You surely know how to create a cold, dismal picture!!! So sorroy for your loss, I feel empty without my dad who died from unhealthy weak lungs, no oxygen in his body! This piece is a wondrous loving keepsake!

Sat, May 22nd, 2010 8:09am

Author
Reply

Thank you Vincey, you have the gift of encouragement!

Sat, May 22nd, 2010 6:51am

darkman1408

this was good, but vey deppressing

Tue, June 1st, 2010 7:56am

snowclift777

i loved your poem but i believe that to be a good poet you have to suffer,otherwise your soul cant express itself--

Sat, July 9th, 2011 11:57am

sleepingwithsirens

Good, but i'm sorry for your loss. At least that loss gave you the inspiration for this lovely poem :)

Wed, May 30th, 2012 10:42pm

tiger76rt

Your writing is very open. I lost my mother through cancer, and i know the chaos you speak of. Unlike you i could never openly write about it, it would be too distressing an experience. Maybe once more time has passed i would feel different.
But you write well, and life is often poetic in good and bad ways. I like your work:)
M.

Fri, April 12th, 2013 5:06pm

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