Apocalypse Next Tuesday

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
The end of the world as we know it.. again..

Submitted: January 01, 2012

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Submitted: January 01, 2012

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Some people are saying that the Mayan calendar predicts that civilisation as we know it will end at 11.11am GMT on December 21st this year. Well I enjoyed this Christmas and I was keen to know if there is going to be another one, so I had a quick Google around to find out what’s what. One boffin I came across explains that, actually, the Mayan calendar is much like the Gregorian calendar, in so far as when it reaches the end it starts again. When we get to 00.00 on December 31, there is no cataclysmic event, we simply start again at 00.01 on January 1. The Mayan “long count” calendar is apparently WAY more complicated than our Gregorian calendar and a HELL of a lot longer (5125 years longer to be precise), but it basically does the same thing, merely signalling the end of this era (whatever the Mayans thought “this era” might be) on their equivalent of December 21, 2012 at 11.11am, and the start of a new one at 11.12am on the same day. Some people interpreted that “end of this era” to mean the apocalypse. Well, it doesn't.

I remember in late 1999 computer geeks the world over were making fortunes out of companies and individuals who were desperate to protect themselves against “the millennium bug”.  Everything with a chip in it was going to malfunction in spectacular fashion, power grids were going to crash, planes were going to plummet from the sky and every car with a computerised ignition system was going to chug to a halt on the stroke of midnight on new year's eve, all supposedly because early computer whizzkids had neglected to make provision within computer clocks for the digits in the year “2000”. It even had a cool nickname - “Y2K” - which seemed to give it an ominous personality and made it sound more like a hard-to-catch serial killer than a high tech balls-up. Authorities across the globe even flew their best and brightest minds to parts of the South Pacific and New Zealand (where the new year technically arrives first) to observe what happened at the stroke of midnight. I guess the idea was they could then call their home countries to tell their bosses what had happened and say goodbye (presuming the phones were still working). What a great scam. I am sure there are unscrupulous people all over the world right now trying to figure out how to relieve us of our hard-earned by exploiting our naïveté and stupidity over this 2012 nonsense. In fact, Hollywood has already fleeced the public of the world out of over three quarters of a billion dollars with the dreadful movie 2012, which in my opinion brought new meaning to the term “disaster movie”.

So I urge you people of the modern world, next time you receive emails telling you about how the Justified Ancients of Mumu predicted long ago that a plague of locusts is going to devour every living thing on earth starting next Tuesday tea time, or informing you that there is a (another) new virus  that is going to wipe your hard drive clean if you click on the attachment, or letting you know that a certain Dr. Hanjacashova (who doesn’t even know your name) wants to share millions of dollars with you, just remember this; if it sounds too good OR too bad to be true, it probably is. Failing that, just Google it. It’s all out there.


© Copyright 2017 eamonnsadler. All rights reserved.

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