Funeral Romance

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


The romance could happen at once but having worked the funeral parlors for several years now that his dad passed away, it was natural for Ed to be an active searcher outside his domain. The reason was clear. No woman would ever think of romancing around a room with the body which was adjoined to the hall the public would attend the services for the departed.

But he was very good at telling his attendees that he offered his sincere condolences and that he would be with them at their time of grief. It was such a standard statement that it sounded comical when some bike gang member was found in a casket with his buddies all reeling from the thought of contacting the dead. Then he would pat them on their shoulders with “I am truly sorry for the passing away of your beloved”and “I know how it must feel at this time of  sorrow.” They couldn't wait to leave the morbid place.

He had connections to bike gang somehow because of their settling of accounts and that every now and then some other biker from competing neighborhoods would eliminate a bike leader or would follow up on a monetary payment that wasn’t made. He redressed his casualties and made them look all as if they were still alive which could have been an ongoing joke had he continued his profession but he had to eliminate an invasive threat and that was reason enough to escape the milieu.Once or twice he left the scene alive and in a coffin with the real dead body placed in another casket.

 One day his biker associate told him he had to host a member who would be staying in one of the parlor’s rooms because he had no place to stay.Ed of course wanted nothing to do with this and argued over the choice of lodging. “How am I going to get people to pay their respects if they see someone who’s been involved in some nasty community killings?
The local boss would say either you host him or their business would go down the drain: “ You have to take him or we’ll make sure that burials are going to be elsewhere.”

So Ed had no choice. The man came in and presented himself as a problem from the start, taking food and drink into one of the rooms and inviting women friends when clearly those spaces were off limits and mourners needed to know they could have absolute quiet.
“ I don’t care what goes on as long as I have a place to stay”was his answer making everything around him look as a necessary cause to his being there.”

Ed tried everything by getting the women to rent a location away from the parlor at a local low cost shelter. But Sam liked the quiet himself while he made love. So this prompted Ed to get a hold of one of the main mobster by saying  he could no longer host this guy. The mobster had an idea where the former wife would come into the picture and take another room right next door to her ex. He didn’t like the idea of her snooping around when he had girls on the side. “How did you end up here?”was his repeated question and she would taunt him “Well I knew of a person who was bringing his new dates to a place where they could end up on a slab!” or “ Don’t coffins and fresh dates go well together?” He was so galled for her being there, that he was about to punish Ed big time when the boss told him he couldn’t. Ed was to continue managing the venue under the boss’s blessing. Even the gang needed to have place like this running, otherwise there would be bodies lying at the door. “ Ed is the only one who can see that our family has a decent place to lie in state, so their loved ones can reunite and express their sorrow”, he would add.

Ed couldn’t rely on the wife who only complicated the picture and thought he was available for her. She would appear from time to time knowing that would make Sam eve more jealous since he had left her with two kids, a mortgage and a pile of dirty clothes, including something that wasn’t hers! Ed eventually found a way to get out of the picture although it wasn’t his first choice. He had to bring in an opposing gang and set up some kind of competition.He had had a boyhood connection tha he had long forgotten. A kid from an opposing gang that gave up crime in order to raise a family and have kids. “ I need you to guard my funeral home but from the back. People will get too suspiscious if they see a slouched guy with a rifle guarding the main door”. The kid who as now a man asked what was the exchange for the deal.Ed promised a contract in making coffins since the kid was good in woodcrafting.

The gang continued to eliminate their opponents and Ed continued to recite the obvious words of condolenses but in the back of his mind he felt sorry for himself.It then occurred that he would invite both gangs to attend a multiple funeral with the promise that
they would both stop their multiple slayings. “ I have made a special arrangement,” he said to a girl that he had finally convinced to clean and dress a corpse before its burial. “ We both hide in separate coffins before a funeral, Jake will make sure we get safe passage out of the town on a special railway car.” That way he thought they wouldn’t be followed and what would happen between the rival gangs in the ole funeral parlor would be up to fate.

So one day they arranged their families set up a double funeral explaining that the couple would like to be buried together but instead of heading off for the railway car. Obviously that had pretended they were killed in freak accidents.  Two hearses loaded them separately but instead of taking them to the railway station they were taken to the cemetey!Their families began to bury both of them alive as they heard noise coming from the caskets.. They were both kicking and screaming to get out of their coffins that family members were ready to arrange a real funeral. This time their would be no poll  bearers, they promised.


Submitted: November 29, 2014

© Copyright 2021 ecrivan. All rights reserved.

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ktsharma

Totally different but a good story....


HAVE A LOOK ON MY STORY:: A T!me to love !

THANK YOU!

Sun, November 30th, 2014 2:22am

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