Good Morning Family and Friends, There was much emotion while I was preparing this last night into this morning. The main emotion that consumed me was FEAR. The same fear that our mom, as well as everyone in here knows all too well.
A fear composed of many things, but most of all, a fear of other peoples opinions or judgments both projected and real. A fear which leads to a protective mask we started building in Jr. High to protect the pureness of our true selves. A fear of not being accepted for who are inside or by the choices we make. We all have a journey called life, so I just ask you to please take the next few minutes to keep an open mind to gain an understanding.
With that said, we are all here to pay our respect with love to Christine Marie Anisworth, also known as Christine Johnson, Christine Bonetti, Tina, Beaner & Grandma Wilbur. But, to her children, we called her Mom.
I would now like to open her book with so many pages and share only a small fraction from a chapter entitled “Our Mother”. A depiction through the perception of one of three seeds, all of which fell from the same tree.
Mom had a huge heart, strong will, free spirit and touched so many hearts. She was kind to everyone even at her weakest mental and physical states she would be found in the kitchen cooking for someone with Milton as her Sous Chef.
Mom, like most of us, wore a mask to protect herself. At times, a mask of anger and substance to conceal her fears, sadness and guilt gathered during her life. One of her biggest fears was judgment from others, but most of all judgment from the man above. She had an enormous faith in religion (Roman Catholic) and shared it with us often growing up.
I have seen over the past few months’ divine intervention and the workings of the lord, which at times seemed surreal.
During a few of the conversations I had with our mom she and I sat as she cried from pain and I asked her, “Mom, how bad is the pain?” She said, “It hurts but I keep telling myself not nearly as much as the pain Jesus went through when he died for our sins.” (Moms house)
I sat with mom and asked, “Would you be interested in a celebration of life?” I re-explained it as, “We can pass a recorder and if you can’t see people so they can say how they feel about you.” She cried very hard and said, “I just wish our family could come back together.” (Moms house)
She asked me if she was a good mom. I thanked her for everything and said “If it weren’t for everything we experienced, it wouldn’t have led me to who I am today.” She cried and said, “I did the best I could for you guys and I am sorry if you can’t see that.” (Moms house)
She said, “I want you to remember something.” I said, “What?” She said, “Your kid(s) is the most important person in your life. Not you. She comes first.” I said, “Okay, mom.” (Moms house)
I would spend many late nights going and visiting her once Milton, Gloria and Tony grew tired. She didn’t want to be alone. No one does. I would sit and talk and watch cooking shows until she fell asleep. (Rockville/Enfield)
When we were trying to get her home hospice care and had difficulties she said “It’s even hard in life to die!” and cried loud for what seemed to be a lack of compassion in the world today. (Rockville)
When she said “Do you understand my decision to go to hospice?” I replied, “Yes mom, but you are not a burden. You have made so many sacrifices for us. We can all help to continue treatment. We don’t want you to die.” She cried deep and said, “Eddie I am tired and I will be in your hearts. Just remember the good times.” I said, “I will.” (Rockville)
When Father O’Grady came to give Sacrament of the Sick, he blessed her, she cried and said “Father I am afraid. Is that okay?” “Yes”, he said. She cried long and shook her head. (Enfield/Hospice)
The days to follow everyone she needed to talk to or see did, and those who did not she will or has sent a message of love if you are willing to see it.
Mom was kind at heart and loved greatly those around her and has taught all of us something if we are willing to find it. Love.
Love is acceptance without judgment.
She suffered greatly both body and mind in the physical world, but we know she was at peace when he reached down and grabbed her hand to take her home.
The only one that can judge us is the one above. No one else and I know in my heart she knelt before the lord, repented for her sins and that morning she was accepted into the kingdom, joining all the ones she has lost in her life.
Today, she is here in this very church (St. Robert’s) with us, and I am sure sitting down in the back pew with a smile on her face saying “Aaaaaaalllllright Eddie, can ya shut upppp now?!”
So to that I say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah Mom!! We will all see you on the other side, ya free bird!”
© Copyright 2016 Eddie Bonetti. All rights reserved.