Pensacola 32502: Edith Clarice's Adventures at Krispy Creme

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Another adventure of Life in the 32502 Zip Code are and another page in the Saga of Edith Clarice, English Literature major and the future of the American South.

Submitted: November 29, 2015

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Submitted: November 29, 2015



~~As the holiday season set upon the small berg of Pensacola 32502, in keeping with a traditional management wisdom, the wise and omnipotent leadership of Winn-Dixie projected humongous sales, their words,  and then, when they realized a tad too late to avoid humongous inventory costs that their projections of humongous sales were a touch on the exaggerated side, they did one of the things relied upon by wise minions of capitalism the world over, they outright laid off some employees and reduced the hours of others. 

You don’t need a large retail staff when you don’t have large numbers of retail customers.

Edith Clarice is one of the lucky ones whose hours have been cut but is otherwise still employed.  She is a student, an English Literature major at the nearby state university, and lives at home with her parents, so she doesn’t worry about rent or mortgage payments.She shrugs her shoulders, says things could be worse and marches on. 

Actually, she marches to the Student employment office where local employers staple “Help Wanted” ads to the bulletin board and, finding a listing from Krispy Crème , marches further along to the Krispy Crème  donut joint at Cervantes and 9th, which as it happens is located smack dab in the 32501 zip code area, where she is promptly hired as a temporary holiday worker.

Theolia Mae Burris is assigned as her trainer.  Theolia Mae’s final evaluation is fairly positive, the only negative observation being a verbal aside that “she ain’t necessarily the most practical we’ve hired but she sure ain’t the worse.”

This is where I come in. 

I live in Creek, Florida, the county seat of Waxahatchee, Florida.  I don’t often travel to the big city, Pensacola, but occasionally, I can’t avoid it.

Today, the day after Thanksgiving, is one of those days.

I am searching for soft white pine to make a curing box for the pork belly that I will take from the hog that I will slaughter later today, and the wood that I found in our local Home Depot had too many knots.

I figure that as long as I am in Pensacola, I might as well pick up some Krispy Crème donuts for the grandkids. 

At the drive through squawk box, I say, “I want a dozen donuts.  Six glazed, three apple fritters, and three chocolate donuts. 

Edith Clarice responds via the squawk box, “Apple fritters are not donuts.  They cost more.”

“Okay, just charge me appropriately.”

“They are charged differently.”

“Okay, just charge me appropriately.”

“May I take your order?”

“6 regular donuts, 3 apple fritters, and 3 chocolate donuts.  If possible I’d like to have all of that placed in one box.”

“Apple fritters are not donuts.”

“Well,” I think better of responding and say, “let me check with my wife.”

I park the car and go inside.

There are a few customers already in line so I wait my turn.  These are the holidays and I’m not in a rush.  Neither is the hog that I am going to slaughter.  When I get to the head of the line, I ask for, “6 glazed donuts, 3 apple fritters and 3 chocolate donuts.”

Edith Clarice, to the smiling approval of her training officer, Theolia Mae, says, “Apple fritters are not donuts.”

I nod in agreement, and she says, “They are charged more.”  Theolia Mae, smiles real big.

“Can you charge me for 9 donuts and 3 apple fritters and put them in a single box?”

“Well, the glazed donuts are packed 12 to a box for orders of a dozen.”

“I know, but when you sell a dozen of the specialty donuts, you pack them in a box, too.  The apple fritters are the same size as the donuts.  Can you just put 3 chocolate donuts and 3 apple fritters in a box for a dozen donuts and then pack 6 glazed donuts in the same box and charge me for 6 glazed donuts and 3 chocolate donuts and 3 apple fritters?”

“Are you the man who was at the drive through?  It was rude to just leave the speaker like that and it created a lot of confusion for the next driver in line.”  She is indignant and her hands are on her hips.  Theolia Mae is upset, too.  She slips off her stool and stands behind Edith Clarice, also with her hands on her hips.

“Let me check with my wife, I’ll be right back.”

I blame a lot of stuff on my wife.

As I walk away, I hear Edith Clarice say, “Some people have no consideration.  That man is just rude,” and Theolia Mae responds, “Welcome to the world of retail sales, hon.”



© Copyright 2020 Eddie C Morton. All rights reserved.

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