Spinning at Nick's

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Forgetting the feeling of love

Submitted: April 03, 2011

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Submitted: April 03, 2011

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I can have a lot of fun sometimes. I have a loud laugh and can charm a stranger. But other times I think about things to much. Yesterday I went to a bar with some friends. I couldn't talk to anyone. I stared at the pool table and watched the cue ball slam into various colored and stripped balls and wondered about the universe. I stared blankly. I am surprised no one asked me if I was alright. They probably didn't want to stop having a good time to take the risk. I don't blame them. I saw a girl that I thought was pretty. I thought she might be nice. I realized she reminded me of a girl I was in love with several years ago. I thought about talking to her. But she was with a guy. Its strange for me these day. I remember falling in love so easily. Of course that was the only easy part. I would put myself though hell over it, but at least I had that feeling. The last person I was in love with hurt me when I was already bleeding. It still hurts. I was so much stronger back then in ways. I was a fighter. Not a physical fighter, but an idealist. I saw the world in a way that made sense. I believed in things. I believed in love. Maybe I still do. But I'm waiting for some proof. I went to a bar about a year ago. I was very drunk and upset. I was with my friend steve. He ran into his cousin. We talked and he told us to come hang out at his table of friends. We walked back and we realized that he was engaged to a girl that went to my high school. I didn't know her well but she was very pretty and quite popular. I took an open seat next to her. I congratulated her on the engagement. By this time I was very drunk. I missed the feeling of being love so much. I felt like I was forgetting it. I asked her how it feels to be in love. She was taken back a bit that I would ask this. I don't blame her. We barely knew each other. I didn't care. I was drunk and I wanted to remember. I felt like if she told me about the feeling it would make me feel better. She stumbled a bit. I could tell she was trying to collect her thoughts. She would start, but then stop. She might of even scratched her head. I waited patiently. But when she finally began to explain, I was devastated. She spoke of meeting someone and getting used to them and going though the day to day with them. It was all so rational and processed. I nodded my head and acted as if i was satisfied with her answer. I drank the rest of my beer. She then incorrectly believed that I was inquiring about the feeling because I wasn't sure if I loved a girl she assumed I was presently seeing. She told me not to worry. She went on to tell me that she thought that I was clearly in love with this non existent girl and I should talk to her. I just nodded. She kept talking to me but by this time the room was spinning. I was past the point of conversation. I became dizzy. I became worried. I thought to excuse myself and go to the bathroom to get my head on straight, but i knew if i stood up i risked the chance of falling or throwing up. I was spinning faster. My mouth watered. She kept talking. I nodding at each sentence break. I kept swallowing the saliva that was building up in my mouth. Time went by and the room finally slowed down. I had a window of time to leave and I took it. I wish them luck and left for my apartment. I don't ever wonder what she was saying to me when I was spinning. She wasn't in love.


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