I can’t do anything without her. My mind is in mess when I am trying to go farther away from her. I need her to calm this mind and heart of mine although all this mess is caused by her. She is owned and I am just a friend who falls in love with her close friend. I miss her touches. I miss her hugs. It may be does not mean anything to her but for me: it is bliss to be in her touch. This feeling is so wrong so I thought I should keep myself away from her to make this feeling disappear. I and she could not be more than a friend because we have the same gender: a woman. If only I was a man!
`` Hey Avery! Avery! ``
I heard my name is called. I turn my head to the left and saw Joey wave her hand in front my face.
`` Yes, how can I help you? `` I asked her.
Joey smiled. I crinkled my eyebrow: showing my confuse face. She shook her head.
`` Do you know my friend from the restaurant department? She`s having her birthday party and she invited me. Do you want to give me a company? `` She said.
`` Okay! I`ll go with you! `` I said without any hesitation.
I think I should go with Joey. Maybe if going to the birthday party I can find some entertainment to calm myself. And I maybe can find some cute hottie there? Ahh~fuck with the hottie. As if I will do that! LOL!
It has been five months since I keep myself a distance from Eunice, a close friend whom I in love with. She was my school mate in high school. She has that beautiful long black hair, pair of big mesmerizing dark brown eyes and fair skin. Her beauty melts all the men`s heart include the stone-hearted, Jo: Joey`s old brother. Jo is a senior in Eunice`s workplace. Their relationship is two years long now. Jo is the one who find me a job here in Pullman Hotel as a receptionist along with her sister.
Eunice has another lover than Jo. Eunice`s second lover is from my hometown. They met when I brought Eunice to my village. I really can`t understand Eunice. When I asked her: who is the most you love between the two of them, and she`ll answer Jo. If Eunice really loves Jo, why does she have to two-time Jo? I don’t understand that part of Eunice. But honestly deep in my heart, I am glad Eunice did not stay loyal. That way, she can have least heart-ache. But i will be overly-glad if Eunice did not have any boyfriend at all. I can’t stand this heart of mine that spread the jealousy in me: causing heart-ache every time I saw Eunice being so lovey-dovey with her man. Damn!
My head is spinning. I feel my breath become hotter than normal.
`` Avery, are you okay? It is time for us to go home,`` said Joey.
She woke me up from my deep thoughts.
`` Yes, I am okay. `` I said to her. I pack my stuff and walk hurriedly to punch card machine. After punching my card, I make my way to car park and saw my car is not there. I just remembered that I lend my car to my brother.
`` Argh! Damn it! `` I knock my head with my hand.
`` You will be stupid if you continue to do that,`` said Joey. She gives me a smile.
`` Hop in, Avery! I`ll drive you home,`` she said again.
`` I’ll pick you up at seven! `` Joey shouted from her car.
I wave Joey good bye until I can’t saw Joey`s car in my sight. I hurriedly went inside and getting ready. I wear short evening dress and untie my hair.
Sharp at seven, Joey arrives. She was honking me from outside. I locked my door and make my way to Joey`s car. Thirty minutes later, we arrive at our destination. Joey parked her car not far from a blue colored house. We get ourselves out from the car and went inside the house. The party has already started. Joey grabs two glasses of red wine and gives me one. Minutes later, people are doing cheers t celebrates the birthday girl. The DJ put on a remix song to enlighten the party. I and Joey are still standing at the corner of the house: watching people enjoying themselves.
`` You look cute in that outfit,`` said a man who come from nowhere.
I smiled and thank him. He invites me for a dance and I decline. I tuck Joey`s gown: asking for help when the man are being so persistent.
`` I am sorry, lad. She is mine. We don’t play your game. So, get lost! `` said Joey.
`` Ah! Two damn cute lesbo chick? Just my type! `` said the man. He put his hand on my cheek. I feel so disgusted. Joey slapped his hand. The man snapped. He was about to hit Joey when we heard a familiar voice shout: it is Jo.
`` What the hell do you want to do with my damn cute sister? `` shout Jo. He is walking towards us. And beside her was Eunice. My heart race and lost it normal beat tempo.
`` So, what the hell do you want to do with my lil` sis? If you intend to harm her, you got to go through me first! `` said Jo.
The man`s face turn grey. He is such a coward. He turn away from us and lost in the crowd.
`` Hi, Avery! You look beautiful in that evening dress. Red sure does suit you,`` said Jo.
`` I am? I mean, of course I am, right? Hahaha! Well, what can I say more about genetics? The never goes wrong! LOL! `` I answered him with my slumber face.
`` There you go again: being full of yourself! `` said Joey. She pinches my cheek and hugs me from behind. The four of us laugh together.
`` Wow, Eunice! You are beautiful like a newlywed,`` said Joey.
`` Thank you, Joey! You are too exaggerating thing,`` said Eunice.
`` I am not! She is beautiful like a newlywed, right bro? `` said Joey. Asking for her bro`s support.
`` I know right? But she always denied it just now. Tonight I feel like to marry her right away! `` said Jo.
`` Ah, there you go again!`` sigh Eunice.
We burst out laugh. My heart aches when I see Eunice and Jo being so lovey-dovey. My temperature is rising. My head become dizzy. I excuse myself to bathroom. I cry when I am in bathroom. My heart is too hurt. It is like I have been stabbed by a knife. I cannot stand the ache anymore. After I cry, I wash my face so that it won`t be obvious that I have cry.
`` Joey, I am going home,`` I said to Joey.
`` Eh, what is wrong, dear? Are you okay?`` said Joey. She put her hand on my forehead.
`` You have a fever! Why did you agree to follow me when you are sick? `` said Joey.
I give Joey an innocent smile.
`` I don’t think it is a fever. I think it is because of the wine. I guess I am not a drink type person, huh? `` I laugh at the end of my line while Joey shook her head. Jo is laughing at my childish attitude. When I look at Eunice, she doesn’t show any emotion on her face. It makes me feel down.
`` I am sorry, Avery. I can’t send you home. My car is blocked by a Hilux.`` said Joey.
`` You can use mine!`` said Eunice.
`` No, I can`t drive a manual car. I am not confident driving a manual car,`` said Joey.
`` Looks like you have to be her driver tonight, my dear,`` said Jo.
`` Ahh! It is okay! I can catch a cab or bus later. I don’t want to burden her,`` I said.
`` it is not! I am willing to send you. It is dangerous at this hour. Plus, it is hard to find cab here and buses here.`` said Eunice.
Ahh, damn! She is right. At this hour, it is really hard to catch a cab.
`` She is right about that.`` said Joey. Jo is also agrees with that.
``Looks like I don’t have any choice, huh`` I said.
`` You really don’t have any choice in the first place!`` said Joey.
Eunice is starting her car.
`` Get well soon, dear!`` said Joey to me. She hugs and plants a kiss on my forehead. I wish Eunice was watching that but she isn’t. She is busy being lovey-dovey with Jo. I saw Jo kiss her cheek. My head was burning when I saw that.
`` Enough with that. You can continue that later. Right now, she has to send my bestie to home,okay bro?`` said Joey to her brother.
Eunice reversing her car and drove away from the housing area. We didn’t talk too much on the way. I was trying my best to hold my tears. I really wish I can hug and kiss Eunice like before now: in this moment!
`` Do you need me to accompany you here?`` Eunice ask me. She is standing in the living room.
`` Neh, I am okay!`` I said. I walk to my room slowly.
I saw Eunice coming towards me. Moments later, I feel her warmth. She was hugging me. I am startled. I didn’t hug her back.We didn’t said anything..
`` Umm, Eunice?`` I said. Breaking the silence.
`` I miss you!`` said Eunice. I knew she is not lying.
`` I miss you too`` I said in a slow voice.
`` Why are you being silent with me? What have I done wrong to you? Did you hate me now?`` Eunice`s endless question makes me speechless. I feel her tears flowing down.
`` Eunice, why are you crying?`` I asked her. I lift my head to see her face but she prevents me to do so.
`` No, don’t look at me! It will make me want to cry more,`` said Eunice in her tears.
When I hug Eunice back, she was crying more and more. I kiss her eyes to comfort her like we used to do with each other’s when one of us are crying. She is the one teaches me that.
`` I love you, Eunice.``
`` You are lying! I you do love me, why did you leave me like you never leave me? I feel so lonely without you! I always thinking: If I have done you any wrong and if I am, what is it? Then I came to a conclusion where you hate me and don’t want to be with me anymore. When the conclusion comes across my mind, I start to cry. It hurts so much! `` said Eunice.
`` I am sorry! i so sorry that I hurt you. The jealousies in me are so overwhelmed. When I saw you are being lovey-dovey with you boy, I feel so jealous. It hurt so much! I don’t want to see you being lovey-dovey with anyone else so I decided to keep a distance between us`
``I am in love with you. I love you more than friend. I want o be someone special for you``
`` whaa.. ``
Before Eunice finishes her words, I cut in.
`` it is impossible because you didn’t hold the same feeling towards me. I create a deceiving truth: that you also like me. That is how I survive through the pain. Living with the deceiving truth. ``
I look deep into Eunice eyes. I sense loneliness in her look.
`` My feelings for you are so wrong. That is why I decided to ran away from you. That way, I can purify this friendship again. I don’t want you to hate me. I can’t live with that! ``
`` Too late! I already hate you! `` said Eunice to me with tears flowing on her cheeks.
Her eyes show anger. I don’t find a humor in her words. My tears start to flow. I don’t want to see her face. I feel so guilty!
`` Stupid! `` Eunice knocks my head. She gives me a smile and kisses my forehead and eyes.
I give her a confusing look.
`` I love you too, Avery. More than you know! When you didn’t text or call me like you used to, I feel so lost. And when I saw you just now, my heart feels a sudden ache because I miss you so much! I wish I can embrace you the moment when I saw you but I don’t have the guts to do so. I really, really miss you so much! Please do not keep things on your own from now on. I am here for you. I love you so much and I don’t want you to go away ever again! You are my special one. No one else can replace your place in my heart. `` said Eunice to me in her tears.
She wipes her tears with her hand. I really love this woman who was standing in front of me. With the love for her flooding my heart, I feel an urge to kiss her: to taste her lip. I lean forward and kiss her lip. She was surprise but she didn’t push me away: instead she holds me tighter in her arms and kisses me back. I feel her warmth covering my body. I feel so peace in her arm. A moment later, our lips part away. We smile at each other. I give her a peck on her cheek.
`` You know, I feel so jealous when I saw Joey are hugging and kissing you. I wish I am the one who do that to you at that moment. When I saw she`s hugging and kissing you, I feel like to push her away from you and told her that she didn’t have the permission to hold you. But I am a coward, I can’t do that. I am sorry, Avery. ``
`` It is okay, Eunice. I love you. The only woman whom I love is you, Eunice. The only person who can kiss and hug me all the way she wants is you. Only you, Eunice!``
Eunice didn’t say anything. She looks away.
`` Don’t you believe me?`` I asked her.
She shook her head. So I told her to face me. When she do that, I quickly kiss her lip. This time, it is longer than our first kiss.
`` Now do you believe me? `` I asked her again.
She nod and start to kiss me again. We are melting in each other arms. Feeling ecstasy by being together. I hope this moment will last forever. I love you, Eunice!
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