tonight is all we have

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Thrillers  |  House: Booksie Classic
nate and ana were destined to meet and fall in love. however nate doesn't trust ana. he wants her to himself, even if he would kill her to do so.

Submitted: April 16, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 16, 2016




I feel so cold.. so deeply cold. This place makes me numb, lonely and desperate for an escape… Please save me, someone. I feel like if I slept off I would never wake up again. What is this place? And why am I here?

I feel… I smell… death crawling over my skin, its icy tentacles clawing at my heart, breaking it, wrapping it in its white shroud. Maybe this is what it feels like to be dying. Maybe this is the salvation I’ve long dreamed of.

But the thing is, no matter how much I had wished for death, I didn’t want to die now, not anymore.

I don’t want to feel so cold anymore.


The room was dark save for the fireplace which was dimly lit with dying embers from the last fire that had been lit several hours ago. The floorboards were cold, portraying the iciness of the air in the room. The windows were shuttered and closed tightly against the fury of the storm raging outside the thin walls. A stroke of thunder crashed against the timbers of the ceiling, startling the occupants of the room into temporary silence. Lightning flashed into the room, through creaks and holes in the shutters, momentarily illuminating the three figures standing around each other, talking. One of them was seated on top of the desk in the centre of the room, holding a long, pointed object in his hand.

“I don’t think I can do that! It’s impossible, Matthew. I could never hurt her, no matter how much she has hurt me. I don’t want to…” the masculine voice trailed off as it pushed away the object that the guy named Matthew was holding out to him.

“You can and you will, Nate!” Matthew Montagay commanded in a tone that brooked no argument. He sounded weary, as if he had battled Nate over this issue too many times for his comfort.

 “Look, just threaten her, or kidnap her or do whatever the hell you want to do to get her back. Just take it!” the third guy, Cameron Hivter, insisted, reading the weary expression on Matthew’s face.  

Nate looked down at the gun, pondering whether he could really do this. Yes, Ana had hurt him. Yes, she was a pain he would like very much to get rid of, but his heart wouldn’t allow it. He was still so much in love with her that he didn’t know if he could kill her. She was not for him; she could drive him insane; but she was the only one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

But, he reasoned to himself, she was angry with him and he had to do something to get her back. Her cold shoulder was getting tired and he was not the person to wait for things to turn themselves around. He would give his life, if it meant he could stay with Ana for the rest of his sordid life. He valued his life lesser than the love he had for her. If it was possible that threatening would bring her back, he would do it, for he couldn’t imagine living one more moment without her; she was his soul and he had lost it because of his own anger and her betrayal.

He was not going to sit around, waiting for her to come back on her own. She was just a girl, after all. She didn’t know what was good for her, and maybe she just needed to be treated to a lesson regarding whom she belonged to. She was his; and she would be his till the end of her life. He believed it his right to determine her end as well, and if she didn’t comply with him tonight, he would impress upon her the fact that he held her very life in his hands. He wouldn’t kill her, but he would threaten to do so to make her admit that she loved him still. A little threat wasn’t so bad, if it would give him back his happiness in the end.  

His resolve very firmly in place, he took the proffered gun from Matthew’s hands and tested the weight and strength of it in his hands. He felt a sudden surge of power, of blood lust and revenge. The bitch had ruined his life by making him fall in love with her, now he was going to teach her a lesson she would never forget. She needed to be put in her rightful place.

“That’s it!” Matthew applauded Nate’s efforts before turning to Cameron and whispering, “Come on. We’ve got some plans to make. This new turn of events-” he stopped looking pointedly at Nate who was cradling the gun as if he were holding his firstborn for the first time,”- will prove to be to our advantage in keeping the girl occupied, while we loot her home.”  

Cameron merely nodded. After all, who could stand up to the boss? Cameron and Matthew had known each other ever since they had done their first robbery in the uptown houses of Beverley Hills. They had been working as colleagues for a printing firm, when due to bad behavior they had been let go. Matthew had decided then that earning his way through life the honest way was not for him and he had contracted Cameron into his wild schemes. They usually stuck to robbing the upper class, but sometimes they did jobs for other agencies, like smugglers and illegal government officials, robbing important documents or other miscellaneous items.

This job, however, was different. This job was purely Matthew’s doing and Cameron had no idea why Matthew was so obsessed with Ana Raymes’ home. Their house was under 24 hour security. It was guarded like a golden vault and it would prove to be near to impossible to get in and out without any mishaps.  Matthew was close-mouthed about why he had chosen such a tedious job like the Raymes’ house but something was up. Matthew was usually not so distracted or so determined to complete a job. Matthew even more that Cameron was a easy-go-lucky guy. If luck was on his side, he would take the job, but he wasn’t the sort to expound much effort if some obstacle blocked their path. But this time was different.  He had even gone so far as to befriend the ex-boyfriend of Ana Raymes so he could get access into the house and other personal details about Ana herself.

“Why are you going to so much effort for this job?” Cameron asked.

“Because,” Matthew spoke gently, enunciating his every word with careful precision so Cameron wouldn’t read between the words and find his real intent and interest in the house. He didn’t want to lose his partner in crime, especially not now when all sorts of things could go wrong on this mission. “Because, this is my last job. I’m done after this. Irene wants to go to New York.”

“Because she wants to star in that broadway show she was offered a part in?” Cameron asked.

Matthew nodded.

 Irene Kotter was Matthew’s long time girlfriend and was completely blind to their illegal activities. Irene was the love of Matthew’s life and Cameron knew Matthew would do anything to keep Irene happy, even break off their long-time partnership and follow her to New York, it seemed.

“So you’re leaving me?”Cameron asked, stunned by the thought that Matthew was leaving. If Matthew left what was he to do? Matthew was the mastermind;  he was simply along for the ride, ready to do whatever task Matthew wanted him to do. He couldn’t carry on their trade on his own and he couldn’t go back to earning an honest living, not after the bit of lavish living he had tasted. After all, robbing rich people was rewarding and he liked the luxuries it provided. He not only liked it, he was greedy for more.

“You don’t have to sound like a dull married woman. You’re acting as if I was leaving you for another woman.”

“Another woman?” Nate suddenly interjected. He looked at both Cameron and Matthew and Cameron couldn’t help wondering how much of their conversation he had been cognizant of.

“Nothing,” Matthew replied automatically, glaring at Cameron as if it was all his fault, which it probably was. He shouldn’t have brought up Irene in front of Nate, who had no idea they were doing anything more than helping him get back his girlfriend.

“We were just saying that Ana should be taught a lesson. After all she was the one who cheated on you. She used you, man. I mean, I haven’t even seen you with another woman ever since Ana left you. That’s how much she has hurt you and ruined you for life. You have to make her understand how much you love her. Show her!” Matthew said, pushing the gun against Nate’s chest.

“Right,” Cameron agreed. “Show her who her man is!”

Nate puffed up his chest, strongly encouraged and moved by his friends’ support. He would show her. The stupid bitch had no idea what was coming to her.


Sleep eluded Ana for four hours. She did not think that was possible, but she had just broken her own insomnia record. She had gone to bed promptly at nine and was still lying awake at one in the morning. She wasn’t used to lack of sleep and felt deeply frustrated and out of sorts with herself. It just defied any reason why she couldn’t just roll over, close her eyes and be off to dreamland. But apparently, that was not what her mind had in store for her. Her mind was thinking and rethinking all those words and memories she would most like to leave forgotten.

Well, maybe her lack of sleep was due to the straggler on her bed. She couldn’t help exhaling a frustrated groan as she pulled the blanket away from the fierce clutch of her sister. But Manny rolled over as she did that and now a hot body was plastered to her side, blowing humid breath against her neck. Ana felt suffocated and felt like screaming at her sister to get off. But that wouldn’t do her any good; her sister was a heavy sleeper and she wouldn’t wake up come earthquake or tornado. Why couldn’t her sister have chosen one of the multitude of rooms in their enormous mansion to sleep in? But her sister had wanted to talk heart-to-heart and Ana had allowed it thinking that this may possibly be the last time they would get to do that since her sister was due to be married next week. But her sister had fallen asleep and that had been that.  

She looked up at the ceiling, wondering why she had agreed to talk to her sister heart-to-heart. She was not good with heart-to-heart talks, since she didn’t usually want to share anything related to the heart anymore. It always left her feeling uncomfortable and suffocated these days. Maybe it was that odd sisterly feeling she sometimes felt towards her sister, even though she was pretty sure she had gotten rid of every ounce of feeling she possessed ever since… She shut her eyes firmly, trying to dispel the images of that last meeting she had had with her ex-boyfriend Nate Pander.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

She did not want to think about him, that insensitive bounder. He was an idiot, a rotten son of a bitch who had angled after her for over two years, paying her compliments and making her feel special. She had felt special. She had felt loved even, for the first time in her miserable life. Her father had certainly not loved her before he had up and died. Her mother had loved her, she was sure, but she could barely remember her since she had died when she was ten. Her sister was unpredictable and told her she loved her always, but Ana was uncertain if that was true or not. She wasn’t sure if she was lovable. She was so closed off and cut off from everyone, she wasn’t sure anymore that her sister liked her for her or simply because she was her sister. There was also her money, which had inspired millions to love her simply to get at her money. But he had been different. He had truly loved her and had hated the fact that she was rich and he was poor. He was no money-hunter that was for sure.

But she could never forgive him. She couldn’t bring herself to hate him, even though he had behaved so horribly. She did not love him either, because no one could love such a monster. She just couldn’t bring herself to feel anything for him, other than pain. It still hurt, hearing his words so clearly again and again as it ran through her mind. Her heart was in shreds and it kept on breaking whenever she closed her eyes and visualized his hateful face and the hand that he had clamped around her throat and squeezed.

Even this was not as abusive as what had come after. Confused and angry with Nate she had talked to the one person who understood her- her old boyfriend and first love Harry Walderton. He had understood her and had made her realize the fact that she was in an abusive relationship. She had wanted out right then and there, but she hadn’t  known if she was strong enough to do it. She had broken their relationship off many times before but he would always say something sweet like, “I will never do this again. I promise. You’re my soul. How could I hurt you?” to get her back and the sucker that she was, she would always take him back. But she could never forget. She could forgive many sins but she could never forget that he had actually physically abused her.

The final blow had come when Nate had discovered that she had been talking to Harry. Nate had always disliked Harry, and hadn’t even listened to her explanation that it had all been innocent. He had accused her of having sex with Harry and he had been so disgustingly explicit about his accusations that she had felt her heart sicken with repressed bile. She had felt sick to her stomach listening to him going on and on about how many times they had done it, how they had done it, and where. She had screamed at him that she was innocent, but he wouldn’t even listen. To him, she was a cheater and liar.

After two years, it had come down to that. He still did not trust her.

She had finally realized what kind of person he was. She could’ve forgiven even the wrongful accusations against her. But she could never forgive him saying that he had said all those disgusting things because he wanted her to feel like killing herself for cheating on him. She couldn’t believe how arrogant and self-centered he was. She had done nothing to feel ashamed about. She had realized then that if he cared one iota about her feelings he wouldn’t have said such hurtful things like ‘bitch’, ‘prostitute’, and ‘I knew you were a prostitute the moment you spread your legs for me’. That last bit definitely hurt, especially coming from him who had been her first lover. She had never slept with anyone before him. And to call her a prostitute was beyond the pale, even for him. People in love wouldn’t wish to hurt their loved ones simply because they can. It was just too much for her.

So she had ended it then, avoiding his phone calls and messages and getting back on track with her life. She was due to start working in her father’s firm in two months now that she had turned twenty-one and she was going to focus on that. She was not going to think about that stupid jerk Nate anymore. She was moving on. She didn’t need a man in her life, especially a sadist who loved torturing her.

A sudden thumping outside her door roused her from her heavy thoughts and she gently disengaged her sister’s arm which was wrapped around her waist. She stood up and drew on her robe before padding over to her door and easing it open silently. The corridor beyond was dark. She peered out wondering if it was a servant who was up and about. But the hour was late and all the servants would’ve retired to bed. So who was making all that noise?

A hand suddenly reached out to her and clutched her throat. A pair of menacing green eyes looked down at her as she furiously tried to dislodge its death grip on her throat.

“Nate!” she gasped out, her breath faltering due to lack of air. “Le..t.. g..o..” she gasped out each letter, trying to breathe through the horrible hand clutched around her throat.

“I will let go only if you tell me you love me.”

Ana furiously nodded her head. She felt dizzy and she could see black circles in front of her eyes. She was agreeing merely out of instinct. She would’ve signed over her entire estate if that was what it took to make him let go of her.

He let go of her and she crumpled onto the floor, furiously gasping for precious air. She clutched the soft carpet with her fists and looked up at him with hateful eyes. Threats did not go well with her and he knew it. He had threatened her once before and she had gone back to him because of that. But not this time. This was love? Well, she hated it. She did not want him or his love anymore and she would never love him. Never.

“What’s going on?” Manny asked blearily as she sat up and stretched herself. She looked down at Ana on the floor and then at Nate and exclaimed, “You! I thought she had gotten rid of you!”

“Shut up, bitch!” Nate shouted at Manny, his eyes never leaving Ana’s face. “Say it!”

“No!” Ana shouted back at him, facing his fury head on. She wasn’t afraid of him. No matter that he stood two inches above her and had the strength and mule-headedness of a bull. She wasn’t going to be his plaything anymore. He couldn’t just torture her whenever he felt like it. He had to consider people’s feelings first, but he had never considered hers. It had always been about him: what he was feeling, what he was thinking. Well, she was tired of playing second fiddle. She was feeling hurt too, but she wasn’t going around attacking people.

“Say it, if you know what is good for you!” He shouted at her, bringing up the hand he had behind his back. A long, pointed rifle was trained on her, pointing exactly at her heart. “Say it or I will kill you right before your sister’s very own eyes!”

Ana stifled a gasp. She hadn’t thought he would go this far. She had awarded him with some small amount of sanity, but this- this was beyond insane. He was mad. She looked up into his green eyes. His eyes had always been open and honest. When he was angry they turned dark stormy green and when he was happy they sparkled. Now they held a desperation in them; he really, really wanted her to love him.

“Say it!” Manny screamed at her. “Say it, Ana, please.”

But no matter what Manny said, Ana couldn’t fake what she didn’t feel. She didn’t feel love. She hated him right now, but she did not feel even one bit of love in that hate. She couldn’t say it; she wouldn’t say it. She would never give him what he wanted. She wasn’t afraid of death; she had always wished for it anyway having always been emoish and depressed. And she was sure he wouldn’t hurt Manny. After all, she was the only one he wanted. Doing anything to Manny would prove to be useless against her once she was dead. And she knew that he knew that too.

She looked at Manny and some of what she was thinking must have shown on her face for Manny was shaking he head in a furious NO!

“Come what may, I could never ever love such a stupid creature like you. Ever!” she yelled at him.

The shot rang out almost instantly and pierced through her skin with amazing accuracy. She looked down at herself in astonishment, as if she herself couldn’t believe that she had been shot. She fell back, distinctly hearing two voices screaming No! One was Manny. The other was Nate.

She looked up at him as he leaned over her. His eyes were runny with tears as he picked up her prone body and rocked her back and forth. He buried his tear-stained face against her hair and swore to her that he hadn’t meant to shoot her.

“I love you, Ana. Please don’t go. Please! Oh God, I never knew it would feel like this.”

But his last words were lost to her as the darkness clouded her vision and overcame her consciousness.


I feel so….Cold…








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