Not Just Any

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
Love? Is that love?

Submitted: August 19, 2014

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Submitted: August 19, 2014

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My soul is burning. Burning with love. It is beautiful...

I hope it is going to be a long and passionate relationship. I also realized that my strong feelings for him are emblazing me! I love that strong flow of emotion rushing all into my veins but it scares me a little bit. I do not know how to control it and the urge to control everything is really frustrating, when I cannot have it and bend it down the way I want to! He is a Prince to me, and I cannot master a prince of mine! He has a hold, a powerful hold, on me.

We have spent every single day seeing each other and not a day went by without us not to!

It is weird, because I am the kind of guy to like his freedom, and I can never see anyone too much, but the fact I’m in love with him might have changed that. I might not be the one I used to be, because I am totally changed, when I am around him. I do not even recognize myself sometimes. He makes me powerless and all of my defenses are built down. Ever since I first met him, the effect was the same. What kind of star has been holding me so faithfully, lately? Because I am now given an angel and I have no idea of where the hell he is coming from. He came to me, shyly, smiled at me and right at this moment, he stole my heart, without an ounce of patience. I did not see it coming. Where did I let my persona, at that moment: the one who is not impressed by other people until they prove me they managed to do it. He did not have to. His smiled impressed me. His skin impressed me. All of his entire being slowly started to impress me. And the amount of the days that went by only made it even worse, or better… I have no idea. But seeing him was like constantly being stressed out and he was the only thing that relieved me from that constant stress. How do you do when somebody like this leaves you alone, if someday it happens? I might not survive this. I might cry rivers but as I know me, it will be oceans of tears. Usually, I am into hyperboles but here, I am not thinking about exaggerating anything. He became my world. He became my everything. Everything about him makes me go insane. I love his caramel skin; I love the torso he builds with sports, I love the half kinky and half straight hair of his. I love the bleach stripes he has on his skin; no matter how strong he loathes them. I love his smile and his perfect ordered teeth, not to mention his dark brown eyes who become light brown when exposed to the sun.

I have learned everything about him and every other day, I cannot wait until the next lesson, because I have never learned enough, when the lesson is him.

I have seen him for days and days. I didn’t stop seeing and then again, I think “time” means “nothing when I am around him. He turns the black I see every day into pure white. Angel white. Immaculate. Nobody can understand me, nobody can truly fathom the multiple feelings which are composing my heart and soul. Because I do not even know them myself, honestly. There are parts I will probably never be able put into words. There are so many words I would have to use if I had to tell everything about him. Sometimes, I feel it is so unreal I am going to wake up and cry. Because I do not want to wake up from this dream I am living, if however it is dream. I am not sure it is reality yet but if reality it is, I do not see any use to sleeping, anymore. I do not need any rest when I am with him, he is the only rest in my life and the rest does not count. How do I buy his life for eternity? How do I manage to order him for me alone? Where is the user guide to him? Because this guy was never furnished with it. Sometimes, I might say I need it, because I can easily read his mind and I impress myself as I can do this. But sometimes, when he says everything to deny what is in front of me, I cannot make him avow. I do not know anything anymore. I have let aside all the knowing I had, because at the time I thought I knew what love really was about, I did not. Now, there is no doubt I do know love. I do see what people were afraid to fall in. And I do not regret it, I am the happiest guy, to feel it. It is healing; is is good. Like a drug you would want more. I do not want to let anyone make us part. I love him. I have no word, I have no expression, I have no language. I only love him. Merely.


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