For The First Time...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
My sister asked me to translate a letter she found in our cellar. It was pretty touching and looks like it's been written by my deceased father...

Submitted: February 09, 2013

A A A | A A A

Submitted: February 09, 2013



For the first time in your live,

you were happy,

finding someone who understands you,

who loved you the most,

in times you needed love the most,

forgiving you the pain you caused,

leading you to the light you never deserved.

She was young, only seventeen,

but she faced more live than anyone before,

she already lived to much, she said,

she's been through everything,

but at the same time,

through nothing.

She was intelligent,

never questioning,

always accepting,

but at the same time, questioning everything,

accepting much as possible,

hoping for you to tell the truth.

She had beautiful blue eyes,

deep blue like the very blue ocean,

she never lied,

not even her eyes,

in which you saw her pain,

as tears,

which had never fall,

and would never.

You appreciated her long blond hair,

but never told her it's beautiful,

the only thing she loved as nearly as you.

You were never happy, you told her,

you lied, I knew,

she hoped,

you denied,

'cause all behind the girl you knew,

you wanted to see a perfect barbie doll,

not appreciated her soul.

She wasn't fat,

she was pudgy,

nothing a real man would prevent himself,

of loving someone who deserved it,

she had a soft face,

artistic hands,

and a big heart.

She was beautiful,

even in the eyes of a stranger.

And all you do is smashing her heart,

to the ground,

not even noticing,

her constant eyes.

I was sitting in the kitchen. Both of you didn't notice me enter. So I hoped.

“Who was this?”, she asked, pointing at some red bruises at your neck,

“A girl”, you answered. I guess you even told her her name.

I imagined myself you holding her heart in this very moment. With each answer you squeezed it more.

“I know.”, she sighed.

Foolish boy, she knew everything. And still she tried to love you.

I hoped she wouldn't.

“Are you mad at me?”, you asked this time. This wasn't guilt. Just pure curiosity.

“Yes, I am”, I saw you smirking. I wanted to punch you in your face.

But I didn't want to hurt her.

“You know you can't give me enough”, you said vacant,

without a struggle.

“Yeah...”, I heard her saying in german.

“So you still love me right?”, in this moment you let her heart shatter and fall down in thousand pieces.

I hoped your hand would at least hurt a bit. Hah.

The silence was heavy. I almost heard the pain,

as she spoke: “Yeah. I do”.

Her blue eyes met yours as you smiled and bent down, kissing her

“Yes. I know”, you said, before disappearing in the doorway.

So I stood here, looking at her.

Her head remained down,

facing her shattered heart.

“Why?”, I asked her. I really didn't know what else I should have done in this moment,

She looked at me,

her eyes still as blue as the ocean,

still innocent,

still sad,

still as nothing had changed.

“Because he needs me now. He let me love him. And for this I'm very thankful”,

I heard my own heart crack a bit,

as she bend down to gather up the pieces you left.

Yeah, I knew you needed her,

without her,

you just would be you,

an empty husk.

With every step you forced her to the emptiness,

you created yourself,

you escaped,

at the same time,

step by step

But she remained silent,

she loved you either way,

hiding everything she could,

you to make you happy,

by knowing she couldn’t give you,

the body you wanted,

and just to be with you,


Why did you even want her?

She fulfills you,

she makes you happy,

You once said “I like her smile”,

It's a goddam fake smile,

I guessed,

I hoped,

that she wasn't that lost,

for feeling happiness,

with a monster like you.

No, I knew she wasn't,

she smiled like that,

just for you to say something like that,

she faked it good,

to make you happy.

You claimed her!

Still not allowing any boy to near her,

is this your way of “love”?

No, I do not understand it.

You do not gave her the chance of being happy,

truly happy,

she does not feel true happiness,

like you do, brother,

you even denying it,

so you don't want to be happy?

I feel lost as I see her,

fixing her heart,

for you to smash it again.

She is caged. You have the key. But she's not interested in break out.

For you.

She is strong, brother.

She will never complain,

never cry,

never leave you,

she will always think,

she's not good enough,

she can't give you what you deserve,

She's not worth an other man

and you will always let her think that,

never treat her right,

never give her what she should want

And I....

I ....

I hate myself....

for letting this go on,

for letting this....


going through her again...

even though....

I'm not the one...

Who's causing it this time.

© Copyright 2017 Elina. All rights reserved.

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