Elisha's life

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
about why im like this today-depression

Submitted: September 02, 2012

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Submitted: September 02, 2012

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MY LIFE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AS A CHILD I GREW UP IN A FAMILY

WE ALL LIVED IN A SMALL HOUSE AND BONDED SO RAPIDLY

I LIVED WITH MY MOTHER,FARTHER AND BROTHER AND MY DOG BUT UNFORTANTLY HE HAS NOW DIED QUITE SADILY..

WHEN I WAS 6 YEARS OLD THINGS STARTED TO CHANGE

MOTHER AND FARTHER DIDNT TALK TO EACH OTHER MUCH IT STARTED TO GET STRANGE.

MY DAD STARTED BLAMING MY MAM FOR THINGS SHE DIDNT DO

I WAS REALY SCARED BECAUSE I DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON AND I REALIZED MY BROTHER FELT THE SAME WAY TOO

AFTER A WHILE THEY WERE REPEATIPLY ARGUEING

HITTING EACH OTHER PUNCHING EACH OTHER, SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER AND IT WAS STILL CONTINUEING

MY DAD BECAME VERY OBBSESSED WITH MY MAM EVEN THOUGH SHE LEFT

HE WOULD CHASE HER AROUND AND DO CRAZY STUFF LIKE THROW HER IN THE CAR IT WAS ALMOST TO US LIKE THEFT

HE WAS TAKING HER AWAY FROM US,HE WOULD RUN AFTER HER AND BULLY HER UNTILL SHE WAS LEFT WITH NOTHING

SHE WOULD SIT AND CRY AND SOMETIMES FEEL SHE WANTED TO BE IN A COFFIN

MY MAM NEEDED A BREAK FOR A LITTLE WHILE SO WE LIVED WITH MY GRANDMAR AND GRANDAD

I MISSED MY MOTHER ALOT THINKING HOW COULD OUR HAPPY FAMILY HAVE WENT FROM GOOD TO BAD?

MY MOTHER WAS SO LOW AND MY DAD GOT MY MAM HOOKED UP ON DRUGS

WE STARTED OF IN A FLAT WITH ONLY A MATRESS AND WATER WHAT ONLY YOU COULD FILL UP TO A JUG

I WOULD SIT AND WATCH HER SLEEP FOR DAYS OF HER COME DOWNS

I USED TO BE SO BORED AND SO YOUNG I HAD NOTHING TO DO

I USED TO SIT INFRONT OF THE TELLY WATCHING ART ATTACK AND PLAY WITH GLUE

MY MAM ONE DAY FOUND OUT SHE HAD CANCER,

FROM THAT DAY ON I WAS FULL WITH ANGER

SHE BATTLED THROUGH IT AND THOUGHT IT

SHE ENDED HER DRUG HABBIT AND DONE THE QUIT

I MET MY FIRST FRIEND WHO WAS OLDER THAN ME

I WAS NINE YEARS OLD AND ALWAYS LOVED HANGING AROUND WITH OLDER PEOPLE I WILL AGREE

SHE MADE ME VERY MATTURE, I WANTED TO BE LIKE OLDER PEOPLE I COULD ASSURE

I STARTED TO SMOKE AND BLEND IN WITH THE CROWD

I EVEN STARTED SMOKING CANNIBIS AND THOUGHT EVERYONE WOULD BE PROUD

I STARTED TO DRINK AND THINK I WAS CLEVER, I DIDNT CARE WHO I WAS WITH OR WHEREVER

FORGETTING I WAS TEN YEARS OLD STILL A CHILD NOT EVEN A TEENAGER

?

?

I STARTED SECONDRY SCHOOL BY MYSELF AND KNEW NOBODY AND SEEN THE BIG PICTURE

AFTER A WHILE I MET ALOT OF FRIENDS,NONE OF THEM WERE FAKE THEY WERE NO PRETENDS

I WAS LOVED BY EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM BUT I HAD A BREAK AND ENDED UP MEETING BACK UP WITH MY OLD FRIEND

YES THE ONE FROM WHEN I WAS 9 YEARS OLD I HUNG AROUND WITH HER AGAIN AND NEVER WENT TO SCHOOL TO ATTEND

3 YEARS OF SCHOOL I WAS HARDLY THERE SO THEY THOUGHT THAT WAS ENOUGH THEY CHUCKED ME OUT OF SCHOOL SO I THOUGHT I WAS REAL TOUGH.


I WENT INTO A WRONG CROWD WHERE THEY DRANK ALCOHOL EVERYDAY I MET A BOY IN THIS CROWD WHICH ONLY MADE ME STAY

HE WAS A FEW YEARS DER THAN ME AND HE WAS THE ONLY BOY THAT EVER SHOWED INTREST IN ME IN MY LIFE

I FELL FOR HIM THAT MUCH I DREAMT I WISH I WAS HIS WIFE

I NEVER SLEPT WITH HIM JUST KISSED,BUT WE WERE REALY THAT CLOSE WHEN HE WAS HOLDING MY HAND AND WRIST

HE LED ME ON SAYING TO ME "WHEN I WAS 16 HE WOULD START A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME" AND WHAT NOT

HIS EXCUSES WERE ALWAYS "IM SCARED OF YOUR FAMILY AND THE REST OF YOUR LOT"

HE WOULD TRY AND KISS MY FRIENDS WHERE I WAS

SO I WOULD QUICKLY RUN AND CRY SITTING BEHIND CARS

BUT WHEN WE WERE ON OUR OWN IT WAS LIKE THE BEST EXPIERENCE IN THE WORLD,

THE FEELING OF IT WAS SOMETHING I COULDNT EXPLAIN IT WAS ALL SWIRLED

HE KNEW HOW TO GET ME WHEN HE WANTED AND WHEN

HE HAD ME WRAPPED ROUND HIS LITTLE FINGER LIKE A WORM ON A STEM

FEELINGS DEVOLPED STRONGER AND WORDS BECAME LIES

ALL MY FRIENDS USED TO SAY TOO HIM “ALL SHE DOES IS TRYS"

HE GOT MY HOPES UP AND FREQUENTLY LET ME DOWN

ALL THE THINGS HE SAID WAS TOTAL UTTER BROWN

I WOULD SAY TO MYSELF "OK THATS IT IM NOT GOING BACK"

BUT WHEN HE ALWAYS KISSED ME I USED TO WHISPER "HERE WE GO AGAIN WERE LIKE A RACING TRACK"

IT WENT ON FOR MONTHS HOWEVER MONTHS TURNED INTO YEARS

IT WAS MY 16TH BIRTHDAY AND HE NEVER ASKED ME OUT AND IT TURNED OUT MY WORST FEARS

I WOULD CRY EVERY NIGHT

ALWAYS SAYING IN MY HEAD THERE COULD BE A "MIGHT"

BUT I ALWAYS HAD MY BESTFRIEND WHO I HAD SINCE WE HUNG AROUND TOGETHER

THE BOND WE HAD WAS LIKE SISTERS FOREVER

WE WERE THE CLOSEST PEOPLE EVER TO BE SEEN

BUT NEVER GET YOUR HOPES UP BECAUSE HOPES TURN INTO MEAN

THE FRIEND I HAD WHEN I WAS 9 YEARS OLD BETRAYED ME

ME AND MY BESTFRIEND USED TO HATE HER AND INSULT HER AND IF SHE WAS FOOD WE COULD OF ATE HER LIKE TEA

BUT ONE DAY WHEN I WAS LIEING IN BED

I WAS SITTING ON FACEBOOK AND SEEN MY BESTFRIEND SITTING WITH HER NOT ME INSTEAD

IT HURT ME SO MUCH I COULDNT BEGIN TO IMAGINE THE FEELING OR COULD EXPLAIN

BUT THE HURT THE TEARS THE BETRAYRAL OR THE PAIN

THATS WHEN I HIT DEPRESSION AT THE AGE OF 16

ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION FLOWING THROUGH MY VAIN

I WAS 22 STONE AND WAS A REALY BIG GIRL

THAT BEGIN TO CHANGE WHEN I STARTED MAKING MY SICK AFTER EVERY MEAL OF HURL

THATS WHEN I HIT THE DRINK WORSE

TO GET OVER MY PROBLEMS BUT THEY WOULD NEVER GO JUST LIKE CURSE

I ARGUE ALL THE TIME WITH THE PEOPLE I LOVE

IM SO SICK OF TRYING TO START LOOKING ABOVE

IT SEEMS TO NEVER HAPPEN AND ALWAYS STAYS AT THE SAME LEVEL

I FEEL SO LONLEY AND FEEL LIKE I HAVE NOBODY I ALMOST FEEL LIKE SOMEONE HAS MY SOUL LIKE THE DEVIL

I CRY AND CRY WISHING FOR A BETTER DAY

BUT UNTILL THEN WHAT I FEEL IS INFINITY MY WEAKNESS OF DEPRESSION WILL HAVE TO STAY.

 


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