I work in the I.T. Field.
I use to work for a Company called ‘Data User Management Products’ or D.U.M.P. Their web site was WWW.WhattaDump.com.
Why did they name the company that?
They were going to name it something else, but Hell was already taken.
The manager's name was Stu, Last name Pid.
You can contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org
They had a bulletin board called Data User Management Board; or
D.U.M.B. They had a lot of DUMB users.
I worked in the Information technology department, DUMP IT.
Their Personnel Department was called Organizational Operational Personnel
Services or OOPs. They made a lot of mistakes.
When they hired me, I told them I was a Computer Technician,
I never said I was a Good one.
In the computer department everyone is treated fairly,
just some people are treated more fairly than others.
The basic Technicians Tool kit should consist of:
1st A Magic Wand; For when a customer says
“ I don’t care how you fix it, just fix it.
Then you just wave the magic wand and fix it.
2nd A Crystal Ball; For when a customer wants to know
exactly how long it is going to take to fix their computer.
You just gaze into my crystal ball and tell them
exactly when it will be done, right down to the second.
3rd A Time Machine; For when a customer wants their machine
fixed yesterday. You just fix their computer, then put it
into the time machine and beam it back to yesterday.
And some kryptonite. Because you have to be Superman to do this job.
When I go into work, I Catch Worms, I Kill Birds and I Fry Fish .
I Go into work early, that is " The Early Bird Catches the Worm".
(So I catch worms).
I Multi-task ; " Killing Two Birds with One Stone" . (I kill birds).
I Prioritize ; " I Have Bigger Fish to Fry" . ( I fry fish).
And I also Chase a lot of Wild Geese at Work . "Going on a Wild Goose Chase" .
We had some real network problems. They were real Netmares.
I was so busy all the time, I wanted to do more Networking,
But I just did not have the Bandwidth.
You know when people try to help you, but they just make it worse.
I Tell them “Do me a Favor, Don’t do me any Favors”.
Customers want everything. They want new software, new hardware.
Tell them If you want the Moon, Go buy a Rocket.
For computer problems, people call the Helpless desk.
Software requests: I solicited many IT professionals for their opinions
by E-mail. I got back several conflicting opinions. I emailed them back:
“ I wish you guys would make up my mind”.
When someone has a hard drive failure, I tell them
There are two rules about harddrives:
Rule 1 is Hard drives fail.
Rule 2 is Technicians can’t change Rule 1.
I installed a printer for someone.
They called me and said the printer had a problem.
I told them; “ I said I would get you a printer.
I never said it would work.”
There is a madness to my method .
I use to work on TVs. A person had an intermittent problem with their TV
every once in a while. I took it home and watched it for 8 hours one Sunday, watching football all day , waiting for it to fail.
It was a tuff job but someone had to do it.
The place we worked had lousy drinking water. It was kinda like Mexico.
Its a nice place to visit. But don’t drink the water.
I have learned to judge Companies and People by what
they do, and not by what they say.
They should not wonder why people leave.
They should wonder why anybody stays.
My last company I resigned from , I left behind a note that said;
My Only Regret is that I Only Have But One Resignation to Give
to this Company.
They just did not enough people to do all the work.
If Winston Churchill had worked here, He would have said:
Never in the Anneals of Work, Have So Many, Expected So Much,
From So Few !
© Copyright 2016 EliTheIceMan. All rights reserved.
Miscellaneous / Humor
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