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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
My journey through growing up, and overcoming huge obstacles.

Submitted: August 12, 2010

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Submitted: August 12, 2010




Never Again


When I arrived in DallasTexas in 1999 I was a confused teenager, unknowing of my future and wanting to forget my past. My mother had completely run me off. I no longer wanted to live by her rules.  I was so lost that I wasn’t even sure if my landing in Texas was the right step for me. In fact, I had just left my whole family and friends to embark on a life changing journey.

My intentions upon arriving were to go to culinary school and get my degree. As I learned on day two of my stay in Texas I was never going to go to school. Despite my wishes at this point my relationship had taken over my whole being.

A wonderful romance is what I went to Texas for; well that’s what I thought at least. My son’s father and I spent every day together. Since I left home to live with him I knew no one. I quickly got a job and spent my free time really trying to have a good relationship. I realized that no matter how hard I tried I was never going to have a good anything with this man.

I was not a where that my boyfriend at the time was very abusive, both mentally and verbally.  I also was so young and did not know what to do. I was never treated that way before.  

“I won’t do it again Beth I promise,” he would say to me after every time he beat me.

“Ok, I love you,” is what I would say. But I did not know what love was.  I was sure that what I was going through couldn’t have been love.

It went on for about 7 months until something I had never planned on happening, happened. I was pregnant at 19. OMG!!!! I can remember crying at night holding my stomach, promising to my unborn child that I would find a better Daddy for him one day.

As I endured the daily beatings for no reason, I began to ask myself “Do I deserve this?” I thought that I did not deserve it, but I am no quitter. I wanted to remember the good. Unfortunately the good days out weighted the bad.  I realized after my son was born that he was never going to stop.

He got a new girlfriend while we were together, I knew because he would talk to her in the closet so I could not hear him. If I said anything to him I would be beaten. I can remember one night getting up enough courage to pack. I never left; I thought if I did he would find me. I was scared.

Being a new mom was hard enough. I had two jobs and wanted to stay at work long enough so I did not have to be home. My son stayed with my friends because I did not want to leave him alone with his dad.

The last straw was when I came home from working one day to find him and the girl. Mind you he didn’t ever have a job. I was so young and not experienced with relationships that I had no idea what to do.  I called my mom, who I hadn’t talked to in 2 years, and asked her to send me a ticket. She got me home 3 days later. I did not tell her about the abuse until last year. She had a good idea of what was going on but never any details from me.  

Torn and confused I got off the plane. At home at last, I can remember thinking.  “20 years old with a newborn, my Mom must be so proud.”

I was greeted with open arms. At that moment I knew I would be ok. I never looked back at the place of hell I was in. It has taken me a long time to get over the fear of arguments. I have a horrible feeling that I will get hit every time. I hate it, but I have gotten a lot better. I understand now that not everyone is evil.

As for my son’s dad, I hate even calling him that. I hope he rots in hell for what he did. Now I have full custody of my son. I do not allow my son to disrespect anyone. I have heard that it is hereditary, abuse, but my son will not do it if I have anything to do with it.

I am grateful for the pure happiness I get when I look at my son. I know that I had to go through so much physical pain to get him and although nothing is worth it, to me he is worth every bit of it. I thank God for him every day.

It is so amazing to me what people will do for love. I am no one to judge, but as for me I will Never Again let it happen.

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