captured criminal

Reads: 681  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 9

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic

in the eyes of a police officer to a captured criminal

 

Go on, take a bite of humble pie,

after all you are about to die.

Admit to me all that you've done,

to innocents in the name of fun.

 

Your cuffed to that chair,

your not going anywhere.

you twisted abominaton,

Look at me ! im not your halusination !

 

i'll only be happy when your rotting in a cell,

or even hanged, only time will tell.

The world needs to be rid of people like you,

to make way for good people, or at least someone new.


Submitted: April 09, 2012

© Copyright 2022 ElizaZenith. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Wilbur

That's pretty violent stuff. Your poem doesn't make clear where you stand, so I can't know what sparked this writing. Harsh visuals, harsh circumstance, hard for me to read and comment on content.
As far as your writing is concerned, the rhythm takes a few hits. For instance, a preferable use (to my ear) would be to use 'you'll not go anywhere' rather than 'you're not going anywhere.' Or, substitute the single word 'maybe' for the two words,'or even.' If you are rhyming, you want to ensure for the reader that your rhyming rides smoothly.
Rough content, ElizaZenith. Kindest regards, Connie (Wilbur)

Wed, April 18th, 2012 11:59pm

Author
Reply

Thankyou for the pointers and the constructive critasism, it'll give me something to think about :) and as for what sparked it, I have no idea, it just popped into my head. If I'm honest it's my least favourite poem I've done:/ but thanks again :D

Thu, April 19th, 2012 7:46am

Ian Dawn

I agree with Wilbur (hi Connie) its good and I like the anger and pace but teh rhymes in some spots feel hard if that makes sense. But I like it. keep going and use that emotion to let it flow.

Sun, June 3rd, 2012 12:54am

Author
Reply

ahhh yes thats true, not one of my best to be honest but thanks for the input:)

Fri, September 7th, 2012 2:28am

jmurch

There is an old ICP song called Halls of Illusion which reminds me of this poem! It is a tune about these demonic clowns going into towns slaughtering the bad of society...Wife beaters, drug dealers, and the users and abusers. I like the raw angst of your writer. It leaves your readers to a dark world of carnage...Keep rockin'!!!

Sun, June 3rd, 2012 3:00pm

Author
Reply

THANKYOU I WILL KEEP ROCKING :D xx

Sun, September 16th, 2012 7:36am

CrayzeeClaire

Awesome work :'3

Fri, June 22nd, 2012 8:09am

Author
Reply

thanks bro :3 xxx

Sun, September 16th, 2012 7:38am

harris1995

Nice and aggressive . good job!

Thu, February 28th, 2013 7:07am

Author
Reply

Thankyou! xxx

Thu, February 28th, 2013 8:31am

Wehtam Gull

Great poem, absolutely loved the last two lines.

Sun, March 17th, 2013 8:38am

Author
Reply

Thankyou, they were my favourite too.

Mon, March 18th, 2013 1:27pm

Peach Love

Great poem although rather angry which makes it quite different from some other poems I've read on this site. The message is clear. I find the last phrase very amazing, it really finishes the poem and ends it well :)

Mon, May 6th, 2013 1:31pm

Author
Reply

Thankyou indeedy! I appreciate it xxx

Mon, May 20th, 2013 1:29am

CuddlesMonster

Michaels comment makes no sense... :s
Brilliant, yet quite violent poem! c:
All your work is really good!!xxx

Tue, June 11th, 2013 9:30am

Author
Reply

Thankyou

Tue, June 11th, 2013 4:11am

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