"For only you"

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
This poetry deals with a profound love and loss.

Submitted: February 21, 2010

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Submitted: February 21, 2010

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I stood alone in the darkness of uncertainty,
conveying the heaviness of solitude, internal silence,
and of the jagged frailness I can feel about me
Withal, I leered to the close ones who encompassed the ambit of this heartache
Hoping one would grasp—If not all, half, of this encumbrance to plant on their shoulders
for a long while, and if not, for a little while.
One, who perhaps, has primitively endured the perpetual despondency
within the “heaviness of emptiness.”
I’d think to myself, “what a bittersweet irony it is to feel so heavy when one is nothing but empty.”
 
 
These close ones I knew well; yet, even if I presumed that they would linger on like is forever—
There were scars in my mind, which released distinct curdling shrills,
from preceding shattered emotions—embedded as fragments within my mind,
admonishing mistrust within them.  
These shrills formed an illusion of the ones I sought closeness to, as a mirror,
before me—as a reflection of fear.
I preserved the decency not to turn my back on this fear; nonetheless, I somehow managed to leave it behind—just as I did with others.
They were like vicious dogs bound by ropes, which they would someday
chew and escape through to come after me—no matter where or how far I ran.
What I didn’t know, was when or if I’d ever be able to face them…
 
 
My perception of hope was left behind,
trapped in the reflection of a mirror in which I could never look back on…
As I walked, traces of time began to pulsate,
and moments later disintegrate  
into the spacious surroundings of mist—so silent...so cold…. 
The apprehensive feeling of this journey, never ending,
compelled the heaviness of despair to slowly sink into my soul.
And as I began to reminisce about my past,
the mirror of all that was forgotten had shattered into a million pieces—
ricocheting in every direction.
 
 
 
 
 
An expressionless entity overcame my soul—for a short while,
 it sheepishly controlled my pace, and never once did I consider looking back….
 Instead, I regained my attention and looked down to see—
that there, pierced through my heart was a burly shard of my past.
I felt no absolute twinge after extracting it—for I discerned not too long ago, that the pain within that wound of extraction—
considerably, my “emotional pain,” had numbed and exceeded any other.
 
 
As I noticed the blood drawing excessively through my wound,
 I cupped the shard of many memories in my hands,
 and as I stared down at the cracked reflection….
You…your memorable face appeared within it.
I wept onto the reflection of you.
For, it was only in that moment, that the twinge of emotion had captured my soul…
After only your face had emerged…
 The face of a close friend—of the one person I fell in love with—and of the only one
who fulfilled each moment-within each day, to my heart’s content.
Until one ill-fated day, I lost you…
 
 
Now, here you are, before me—
As a mere recollection of countless memories from the past
And since I remember you
… I remember everything.
I remember why I felt as though,
I was living an in depth life of confined darkness.
Why I felt the heaviness of feeling empty...
And why I couldn’t face my fear of reaching out to those around me.
The ‘close ones’ who cared effortlessly, who I,
myself, left behind—as result of being manipulated by senseless fears…. 
And it was all because—after scanning every person that stood around me,
I realized that out of all of them… it was you, in particular, who I was looking to reach out for.
 
 
It was only you, who I felt freely about running to—
For it was only you, who, without living on the brink of such a precarious conscience I could trust.
It was you, who wrapped me in your arms—just to tell me that you would always be there for me…
And that everything would be okay...
Heedless of what provisions life had in store for us.
 
 
 
Lastly, it was you, who got down on one knee and vowed to always love me,
more than anything in the world, more than the world itself,
and even more than the universe beyond it…
For as long as we both shall live, and even after the end of time….
 
 
In this case, I believe that the end of my time has finally arrived,
and so have my final breaths,
as well as the final drops of blood my body heeds to extricate. 
At last, my silence has been broken and my frailness, strengthened.
The luminosity of your spirit has lit up all darkness confined,
and has discharged the heaviness within my emptiness. 
 
 
You told me to never let go of your love…
And for only you, I never did…
For it is only you who I can never let go of,
as your spirit dwells within me.
I forgive you as I hope you forgive me.
For what finer way is there—than to set another anointed soul free?
 
 
Our abiding love will reunite us both,
as the incandescent flame within our conjoined souls will burn eternally. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


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