When I think of you

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
I think of you. (first love).

Submitted: April 02, 2010

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Submitted: April 02, 2010

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It's been a while, so I thought I'd drop a line and say what's up?
Just thought I should let you know that I'm not doing so tough.
Started to look back on our memories shared when I thought of you
Feels like forever but it's only been so many years
Still wake up late at night, almost every night crying tears
Seems like every single moment I breathe
Every single thought of you I’d take in
Never could go one second of a day without thinking of you
Because it seems that tears are all I could shed when I do
Though I struggle, I force myself to find ways to come through


There are days wherein I find myself hurting so badly
Confined by the attacking shards of a razor sharp pain
There are times when I’m terrified of seeing the world as it is
So I turn away, I run until every single breath overtakes my soul
Like death, you breathe till your last breath
Tears flow so unstoppable
Because it hurts me when the world see’s me as someone who I’m not
As someone who I shouldn’t be

I can only think of you when I’m lost or hurt
Please don’t let go, please don’t ask why
Enough is said that I love you and I miss you everyday
Always have, always will. No regrets.

And although I hold it all back and bottle it up
I write this because I’m hurting
I’m falling apart and barely breathing—within this pain, is there healing?

My tears drop on these words as I write
And embedded within them is a cryptic reflection of you
 I wish you were here now, to hold me in your arms
To hold me close if not forever
To tell me that everything’s going to be okay

Just like you did the first time we met
I remember when you first held me
And the pain had easily melted away
I always felt that crying only in your presence made it okay.

I know that I’m supposed to be living a life so blessed
With all these flaws and all this success
But I’d give it all away just to have you
Just to feel how I use to with true happiness

I hate how I bottle it all up most of the time
Then end up breaking it eventually
I make amends of turning away for too long
And end up with conceiving every move I make as wrong

It hurts a lot
There are scars in my mind
Within wounds there is so much
That I could start to feel the numbness in all that I touch

I can only feel you
Because I know that you’re real
That you could feel me too
You and I are more alike than we know
In a lot of what we go through

You are always in my thoughts
Especially when I’m hurt like this
Every night, if I dream at all, I dream of you
Sacrificing my soul each day and taking the fall
I’d swear it’d be just this time, every time
I strive each day to live each moment through
That maybe one day I could face my fear of filling an empty love
And for once not feeling that I should just give up on it all

I pray for better days
To find myself, to search for whom I used to be
Looking for better ways
Though I’m always hurting, I think of you
Because you give me a reason to live
You give me a reason to pull through


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