the cash register

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

book

The stolen cash register
 

One day three people name Hannah, Megan, and Logan, met that Logans 2012 camaro before work, at the apartment complex in Miami,Florida. when they got to work, at McDonalds they all checked in the clock stamper. then they got to work Hannah went to cook the fries, while Logan went to warm up the cash register, and Megan went to warm up the grill for the burgers and defrosted the vegetables. then people left from the morning shift, as they left the customers started to pile up, everybody kicked it up a notch and kicked into high gear after about an hour and a half everyone slowed down and the team started to close up, but they forgot to empty the cash register, and for the first time they almost had $500 in it. So the three jumped in the 2012 new camaro camaro. the janitors were the only workers left.

the next day, they checked in, then got to work on their daily routine. but then logan went to check the cash register, it was empty. so Logan went to look for the cash register. he looked in the cabinets, in the trash, and under the chairs, but it was not where to be found. all a sudden he remember the 2 janitor Mark and philip. so logan ran to the janitors closet between the bathroom when he got there, the cash register was in the top of the shelf. when they got it down, it had nothing in it except for 2 pennis. hannah and megan thought someone sneaked in when the janitors were cleaning,and stole it all. then the janitors put it up on the top shelf, maybe...

When they confronted mark and philip.they said they had no idea. so one more day at work, but when they left Logan had a master plan. He left only $25 in the cash register. Also Logan put a new video camera on the wall looking right that the cash register. The next day snuck into the video camera into the bathroom with him and locked the door. he watched the janitor’s mop then pocketed the money. so logan went to the office, they found them again later that night. 4 weeks later Mark and Philip went to Florida’s prison for 8 to 9 years.
 


Submitted: September 12, 2012

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Comments

pattersh

Right now, you have a plot. Try adding more descriptions to the story. Tell me about your characters: what they look like, how do they move, are they quiet or loud, what time does their shift start? Tell me about the store: is it clean or dirty, modern or retro, is it a good place to work or a depressing grease-pit? Tell me about the janitors: why are they stealing from the store, do they have a drug problem or are they trying to pay down hospital bills? All of these details will enrich your story and draw in a reader.

Try adding some dialogue as well. Your character's personality quirks can come alive through the context of a conversation without the laborious narration you've limited yourself to thus far.

This piece is a good start; a skeleton outline and a basic plot on which you can craft an intriguing story eventually... It's not there yet, but you have potential!

Wed, September 12th, 2012 8:07pm

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