1st of July

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Personal late thoughts.

Submitted: July 01, 2014

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Submitted: July 01, 2014

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It's 12:51 am and i'm sitting here thinking about newborns, these small creatures fuck me up man. I mean not in a bad way, for instance they are so fragile, inocent, and so unaware how shitty life is and i start to think," I feel so bad for this child, the fact that he's going to grow up and  one day is going to realize life is pretty shitty." And that really upsets, me i remember the first time i tried to take my life away, it was a instant of a moment that i never thought to be a possibility, hell i never eve thought suicide was actually a thing, i thought i was the only one or first to ever attempt this. It was terrible, all i wanted to do was dissapear into thin air and hope people will one day just remember me in pictures and sometimes talk to me when the day of my death would come along. I thought maybe i death would plant flowers in people's heart and when they saw someone upset they would remember how i was upset and help that other person so they don't vanish away like i did. Well, that was my train of thought when i wanted to kill myself but what about all those other people who act upon instantly? Those people seem to be the saddest, so sad. Life is such a trip, you go from a really shitty year or two in this fucking deep hole and then the year after your life finally begins to open up.. you start to count the number of stars you see and start writting a 4 page letter to a girl you met in Italy and your heart finally feels like it's beating, like you actually put your hand on your heart and you tell yourself,"i'm so fucking glad i exist right now and at this moment." And it's such a funny, great, unrealistic feeling, sorta like a dream. Actually more like better than a dream? Yeah you know, it's when you start remembering small things like the way she puts her hand over her mouth when she laughs of how she covers her face when she cries and you try to tell her it's ok that you're here for her. Yeah, that's how it feels being alive, assuring your life to the person you love. That's when you know you're live. Or not even that it can also be you reading 2 books a week and going back to the book around 4am trying to find that page that made you love everything around you. Or going to a coffee shop by yourself, walking out and drive to nowhere listening to tunes and singing like no one is watching and just feeling free. Life is fragile, and it's a big pile of shit. But, to whomever reads this, your life has only one chance, it can end in an instant, go fall in love with cities,books,music,people, and whatever you see. 


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