Fallen

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Ok this is PERSONAL. But since i'm ok with words maybe someone can relate to this.

Submitted: March 09, 2014

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Submitted: March 09, 2014

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It took me less than a month to fall in love with you. Actually i think i fell completly stupidly in love with you the day i met you. Since then i cry myself almost nearly everyday wishing i was with you or hoping this love of ours will last forever. Let me start from the begining, as most "average" relatioships start out as meeting online that as well was the way i met him. 

You send me a simple message as, "i want to talk to you but my face." I mean since then we built a great frienship.. I had sent you a few messages before that one but our talks never actually lasted. Since that message i have been talking to you every day for over 11 months. As i started talking to you more and more i started getting this "crush" on you. I didn't fucking want to get attached, not after all the pain i went through.. sometimes i'd stare at your message and decide where i wanted to keep on talking to you or not.. but because of how interested i was and how lovely you were to me i couldn't even though i was scared to get close to anymore i still talked to you. So that kept going for a a month and half. Oh dear, a few days before i met you i had i told my mom all about you i even showed her pictures of you, i told her for the first time ever that this was the first time i really really liked somone, i even cried because i thought it was too good to be true that i have met anyone as funny, smart, talented, wise, good looking, and as perfect as you. Ok then, I met you. That day i wasn't expecting you to come over so you took me for surprise. Next thing you knew you were knocking on my door and i kept checking myself in the mirror making sure i wasn't gross and you'd never talk to me again.. and then i opened the door, you were a lot taller than expected but oh god, you looked so perfect i lost my words, i lost track of time, and i lost myself on those green hazel eyes of yours. So our day went on as normal, we randomly ended out going out to eat by my family and obviously it was awkard.. after that we finally had our "alone" time and you told you liked me.. that through me off and i didn't know what to say i wanted to tell you i was completely falling for you but i just kept it simple and said i liked you too. You asked what we should do for "us" and i said i was scared to get in a relationship.. but you took it well and then our day ended and you had to leave.

 

About a week or two after i and my mom went to pick you up, i won' t get into details due to too much i have to say but basically we went to my house we found this stop under the bridge where the train would go through and claimed it to be our spot. After that we took a walk headed to my place.. there you told me if it was ok to kiss me and i said it was, seconds later you did. I haven't kissed anyone since like 4 months before that and i felt like a looser who didn't know how to kiss but it was the best, most enduring kiss i have ever had.. it was so perfect and special. We then walked to that small park thing and there you asked me to be your girlfriend, of course i accepted yet still afraid of getting hurt again but i did, i said hey i have to take chances right? and well hell of I did. After that a few weeks later we made love for the first time, it was just as special as anyone could describe it. That was the first night we had a sleep over.. that night i learned so much about you.. I was pretty confident throught our relatioship but since that night you told me about your ex.. i fucking wish you never told me about her, and i still wish you would stop. Since then i compare my fucking self with her, since then all i could do is ask myself if you're still in love with her, and i still fucking think you are in love with her... i say to myself, "that's his past, it's been over a year she means nothing now" So i got over it for a while. But there here comes the being a girl part, i got curious.. i wen't through your facebook trying to find out more about her and oh... yeah i did find a lot about her. You loved her, oh yes you did. And that scared me, for every damn day all i thought about was if you would ever love me like the way she did. And until this day i still think you never will. It hurts me so much i hurt myself so much for doing this but you meantion her name by time to time and that holds me back that makes me think that you're still in love with her. She left you, she moved on and is now with the person she's always wanted to be with but the way i see things i feel like she was your other half she was the one you loved the one you thought would stay with you forever but she changed, she changed you, she changed you for someone else and that broke you, you almost fucking killed yourself because of her. That's why i feel like you still love her cause you wanted to dissapear in any way just to no more pain. You drank yourself out, your took took many pills to make the pain numb. You destroyed yourself because of her...

 

Now back to where we're at now. Maybe it's just me but i tend to notice things like that fact that her name slips out of your mouth. Maybe not that often but it bothers me. How do i know so much about your ex? Most of it because you told me about her and the other cause i found out through social sites. Now why do i compare myself to her? maybe because you made her public that she was your girlfriend and not me. Maybe because you tell me things that you told her, maybe because i kinda remind you of her.. maybe because she was your first love, maybe because i know too much about her, Maybe beacuse you look so fucking hurt when you talk about her MAYBE BECAUSE YOU TALK ABOUT HER. I never mention squat about my last relationships pretty sure you don't even know their names but i do.. i know her, i know how she treated you, i know how muched you loved her. 

 

Now almost 9 months into our relationship which was how long you were with her.. I thought to myself hey maybe when i reach those 9 months i'll finally feel like i have a shot at winnings your guys heart and that's the reason why i haven;t left you. Cause i want you to love me like you loved her, love me more than you loved her, i want you to tell your friends that i was the one who made you realize what love really feels like. I wan't to be that person you can't be without or your life will suck, as cheesy as that sounds i don't fucking care i want to be the love of your life, i wan't her to dissapear from your head that you can't even remember her name and that's why i don't give up because i love you, i have loved you from the start and i plan to always will but i wan't to feel like this is worth fighting for, that all this is worth it.

 

Sometimes i think i might me crazy.. as in what if you are entirely over her and that saying her name means nothing to you. What if you have left her in the past and i''m the one you wan't to make your life better. What if that relationship now means nothing and now you're mature and take me seriously. What if all this over thinking of me is just my own imagination and that you don't feel squat for her. As in what if i'm the one you've been waiting for but i'm too stupid to open my eyes and just appreciate what you have for me.  

Welcome to a women's mind. Where shit is creative, now this is why crazy girlfriends are created, it's usually not you, it's usually the shitty things they think.

 

 


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