Thanks (A letter to my father)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
A poem to my father. An alcoholic.

Submitted: August 05, 2008

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Submitted: August 05, 2008

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Destroyed. Disturbed. Distraught.

the words you spoke

slurred and inappropriate

You look me in the eyes

tears welling

apologizing

Then there's me

comforting. reassuring.

accepting what you did wrong

Days pass

then weeks

then months

Your arm must be tired

from bringing the tainted glass

to and from your lips

The smell is repulsive

the effects disastorous

you think its worth it

Tears were shed

by you

by us

You "try" to stop

failed

failed again

You're taken away

my life is better

I'm happier

Secretly I dream your homecoming

you arrive

I act fake

A year nearly passes

before you chose ahaon

to make that run

Soon, you tried to hide it

"getting nachos"

excuses you made were ridiculous

Time flies as your miserable

and as it flies

I mature

I don't forgive you

you're failing

you're a disgrace

It takes you over

the words you spoke

devistating

My mind said to read

I read

I cried

You're a monster

sober or not

you're only a father

No more am I daddy's girl

you lie

suicide

That glass again is brought to your lip

tainted

it is suicide

The doctors said

you're killing yourself

put down the drink

Instead, you disobery

you're killing you

the family

Don't you get it?

I try to forget what I read

I do

When you're sober

I accept you

until the memories return

You know, they treat you like a baby

you fall

they clean your cut

GROW UP!

If you're so cared for in that state

why would you leave it?

You fall

every sip you take

you fall

Bruises and bruises

damage to the door

you're falling apart

I'm not here

to pick up your pieces

anymore

All the memories

still in tact

Jack in the Box causes a flash back

Or when you stood before us

in my mothers room

since she couldn't stand your snoring

I lied to everyone

oh, I learned from the best

thanks for something

My childhood was memorable

but when I reached eleven

you made me mature

Through the visits at the hospital

rehab

prison

I've matured

I am stronger, better

more than you'll ever be

So thanks for something

even though you have not done

very much for me

But because of you

I'm the rock

a wall was built

I am the key keeper

of everyone's problems

including my own

My emotions hide

because I think all my tears

were gone before I hit fourteen

It's because of you

that I keep my wall up

I won't let you hurt me

But because you can't

I try not to let others close

that way I'm okay

I'M NOT OKAY

so thanks for that

it's all on you

Thanks for nothing

you gave me maturity

before I was prepared

I felt sadness

tragedy

too young in my life

I don't like you

I feel weird around you

you're not my dad

He took me to a dance

he played disk golf with me

he took pictures at field day

You're only around when you want to be

when you're sober

which is two times our of ten

You're a drunk

a pervert

you're not my dad

You're sick

you disgust me

you're everything I'll never be

I don't need you

you've hurt me

thanks for everything

Thanks for the memories

of sadness

the disturbing images

Thanks for building my wall

so that now

my breakdowns are bigger than ever

Thanks for making me mature

making me feel fiftenn

on the day I turned twelve

Thanks for gurting me

so my emotions were off

and my heart ached

Thanks for being everything I'm not

I learned first hand

not to pick up a drink

Thanks for ruining me

for destroying me

for making me stronger

Thanks.


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