Around Me

Reads: 548  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 5

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

This little poem hopes to inspire anyone who reads it to search for the good things in people.

I love

your monkey-bean

frivolity

the waking before dawn

sky like shattered tin

catching the light in countless

different ways

I love

those handstands

that bridge of nose

when you laugh,

stretching smooth and lifting the sun

Your backpack-

a walk like spring

the hands that lift the air

and conduct the sky

to music

I love

your fingertips

your eye wrinkles

your ears

the sound of you

the names you give

my clutch-joy-breath

All you countless drifting people

You hold my heart

My heart

My heart as a whole

My whole heart

Is here for loving you


Submitted: February 06, 2007

© Copyright 2022 emmaanne. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

brokenstar

Nice imagery and metaphors... I honestly don't see enough of that here on booksie... I was pleasantly surprised to find it in this poem... Great poem... but I felt it lost a little momentum towards the end... None the less good job!!

Tue, February 6th, 2007 9:39pm

Author
Reply

Thank you, I am flattered. It's also great to get criticism - that's why I joined this site. And I agree with you, it does lose momentum, now that I read it again. I shall keep that it mind! Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
Emma

Tue, February 6th, 2007 1:46pm

Freckles

Very good poem...very sweet...I liked it alot! shi

Tue, February 6th, 2007 11:05pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much.

Sat, February 17th, 2007 6:12am

BabyGurl09

I thought your poem was very detailed and inspiring

Thu, February 15th, 2007 8:58pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for the kind comment:)

Sat, February 17th, 2007 6:06am

Jeanz

Hi emmaanne,

This is nothing to do with the poem (I know nothing about poetry) but is the only way I can find to answer the question you asked about the use of 'was' in your story.

Basically, in speech we all have a tendency to use derivatives of 'to be' a lot, but it's a very weak construction, and if you overuse it in writing it devalues what you've written (or makes it sound Victorian). Everybody has a tendency towards it. Real beginners can often be spotted by something like:

It was a sunny day. I was walking down the street. It was nearly lunchtime. A car was coming towards me etc.

Your piece is very good in that you avoid this most of the time, but there are one or two sections (noteably at the end) where it creeps in. The construction 'was . . . (verb)ing' (is that the past contiuous? I don't know) is particularly weak, and can virtually always be rewritten to give it more impact. Using my example above it would go something like:

The mid-day sun beat down as I walked down the street toward an approaching car.

Hope that makes sense and is helpful.

Fri, March 9th, 2007 3:25pm

Author
Reply

Thanks, it does help. Will keep that in mind. Thanks for the detailed explanation because now I understand:)
Emma

Sat, March 10th, 2007 3:39am

Nick Dwyer

Jeanz, Jeanz, spills his beanz,

We don't know what the f*** he meanz.

And anyway, I look forward to some more short stories from you because that one earlier was excellent.

Oh, did I say? I have a new piece I'd like to spam you about....

Sun, April 15th, 2007 1:25am

Author
Reply

That comment was so long ago I have forgotten what it said but hey...thanks again for your support! Have been so busy that the creative juices have kind of evaporated, but they will return soon, I hope.
yip, please hit me with your writing! I'd love to read it! I think your work is beautiful. I will read it.
Thanks for the comment
Emma

Wed, April 18th, 2007 3:55pm

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