Deaths Lover

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
We see death, three days before he takes our hand. But we are not supposed to fall in love with this beautiful creature.

Submitted: March 08, 2016

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Submitted: March 08, 2016

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I wish. I wish. I wish to be deceased. Not because I am sad, nor am I willing to take my life. I have a good life for the most part, and I am happy. I wish to die, because I am in love. I love a man with deep blue eyes of ice, and wings darker than when the stars abandon the night sky. I love a man whose face shows the age of mine, but whose soul is as old as time itself. I love a man who takes what he is owed, when life must pay its debt. I am in love, with Death.
I remember the day I first saw Kuolo. It’s not burnt to my memory because it was our first distant encounter, but because of the events previously experienced. I was terrified of this dark stranger for many an hour. But something changed, and my love for this creature only grew. However, our time was short. See, the thing about death, is that humans are unable to see him, not until their final three days on earth. He told me this when we first spoke, that late autumn afternoon.

It was a beautiful day. The leaves were changing, falling to the ground to be crunched under foot. I tried to soak up that beating sun, but I knew that my porcelain skin could never brown from the rays. I wasn’t naturally pale; it was simply the chemicals racing through my body that made me the sickly white. I had lost depth and weight in my face, as well as body, and a scarf was always wrapped neatly around my head. I looked like the end result of a treatment that would not work. Cancer was my poison, yet the elixir that brought this man.

He was a beautiful creature, glorious in the way he moved, beautiful in the way he smiled, and terrifying in the way he captured those ready to depart. He wouldn’t tell me where he took them. The stone brow he gave showed he was unmoving in his decision to keep such a secret. It was human instinct to ask, to find out what happens after we take our last breath. Do you travel to those pearly gates if you are good, or to the pit if you are bad? Or do you live in a dark place, somewhere between, floating forever in a realm of partial existence?

“Will you be there?” I asked softly, twining a black feather between my fingers. I followed the long stem back to his glorious wings, and then chose another, repeating the action.
“In the after place?”
“Yes, in the after place. Of course, you’d be busy carrying souls to the other side, so you mustn’t be there all the time.”
“Worry only when the time comes, Elämä.” He grinned.
I shook my head at his words, and sighed heavily. I wanted to know if I would see him again, and at that point I had but one day left.

I remember my last day as if it was yesterday, though I wasn’t sure exactly how long ago I passed on, I could never forget my last moments.
I was hooked up to every machine I could give the name of in the medical world, and they all beeped in an irritating manner. You would assume I would grow accustomed to them, as you grow accustomed to the crickets. I found this metaphor true when I no longer heard them. With crickets, you notice them only when they stop, but with these blasphemous machines, I almost missed their dull beep… beep… beep. I knew my heart was beating; why did I need a small robot to inform me I was alive?
They drew blood from my veins twice a day, and checked my lungs regularly. The latter didn’t make sense to me. I was metaphorically chained to a bed, because of large tumours, ones that ate at my brain in a cancerous storm. How they affected my air bags, was a curious wonder.
The last day, however, was when those air bags were finally affected by the lumps in my brain. I got migraines so tremendously that my chest stroke tight and painful to take in a whisper of oxygen. My legs felt numb, and I wasn’t sure if I could stand on the useless sticks. I remember crying, but through the blur of tears, I could still see Kuolo. He hadn’t left my side that day, he knew that it was my time.
I thought in that moment how hard it must have been for him. I no longer held onto the hope of life. I didn’t want to be alive, I was so ready to let go, to be with my love. And Kuolo knew, he knew exactly what day, what hour, what minute, I would be his forever. To take, to that other place.

“I want to die.” I had said earlier, merely an hour before my current inevitable death. A previous conversation, when my body was weak and my mind drugged but all too clear.
“How could you say that?” He all but snapped in such a harsh manner.
“If I die, would I not be with Death forever? Be with you, forever?” I smiled happily, as his wings curved around us, completely isolating us from the world. They were so majestic, dragging along the floor as he walked.
“When the time comes, El, when the time comes.”
He was telling me to worry about it later. That’s all he really said when I asked those types of questions. I couldn’t figure out if he didn’t know, or did, and wouldn’t tell me.

There was no bright light, no singing angels. It was cold, dark, and terrifying. I had Kuolo next to me, always, but in that moment, everything scared me, and nothing was okay.
“Let go.” Kuolo whispered as I struggled for breath, and I screamed from the pain in my head. Bombs were exploding in my brain.
So, I did. I let go.

And I came to a field, but there was no sun, no flowers, and no Kuolo. I yelled for him, using every name he went by, but I heard nothing. The silence was deafening.
I felt that instinct, as if someone was behind me, and turned quickly, just in time to see a tall, dark, figure emerging from the shadows that engulfed this place.
“Kuolo?” I sighed in relief.
But it was not Kuolo, and in that moment, I knew; I was not deaths soul mate, I was merely another lover.


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