An initial attempt at poetry by this inexperienced writer during the waking hours,

The gates open to the light

Darkness floods the lonely tunnel

Sounds emerge from all corners

Mind tender to the assault

Searching for direction

Aware of the tender presence

Searching for the intruder

Aware of the small gift

Calls and criesfor attention

Comforting cures the loneliness

Love floods the abyss

The child is back to sleep


Submitted: July 03, 2007

© Copyright 2022 Enzos Lovechild. All rights reserved.

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Comments

air

very good write, I got lost in it forgetting it was about a baby 'till the ending----different thoughts and pictures come---very sweet

Tue, July 3rd, 2007 4:09pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the comments, greatly appreciated. I wrote this on the go and would change so much about it if I had really analysed it properly but will use it as a learning experience and go from here.

Thanks again

Tue, July 3rd, 2007 7:25pm

ddrandall

I agree... very thought provoking on several different levels... well done for sure... write on my friend!

Tue, July 3rd, 2007 5:38pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the comment ddrandall- it has given me a confidence boost to get such kind comments and spurred me on to commit to more writing.

Tue, July 3rd, 2007 7:26pm

Saturday Night

Well done. Enjoyed the read.

Tue, July 3rd, 2007 10:48pm

Author
Reply

I'm glad you enjoyed it Saturday Night- after all that is what creative writing is for, yes?

Tue, July 3rd, 2007 7:27pm

amandauk

A beautiful peom, that captures the essence of Baby Enzo's reality.

Thu, July 5th, 2007 6:13am

Author
Reply

An insightful comment amandauk, thanks.

Thu, July 5th, 2007 8:04am

Rabbid Rabbit

Very stylish. I must commend the imagery. Very skillfully done mate. I love the way you never make any mention of an actual child or parent but allow effect and feel of the stanza to explain it for you.
Though one small crit. You might to add a touch of punctuation to ease the flow a little. I am not saying it is needed but you didn't add any at all.

PS: Initial attempt. Good. Inexperienced? Experience doesn't actually count for much. Its the emotions and pictures you create. Both very well done. Please continue and provide more.

Thu, July 5th, 2007 4:42pm

Author
Reply

Thanks Rabbid Rabbit- you make a fair point. As I am a teacher, it is one my students would love to have made as well I'm sure, as it is something I'm always harping on about :)

Thu, July 5th, 2007 7:30pm

EdwardJBradleySr

Enzos Lovechild:

Most effectively well written. Engenders feelings of tender emotions. Of a parent for their child. Good job.

Happy trails,

Ed Bradley.

Tue, July 10th, 2007 4:48pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the comment Ed Bradley- some moments are more tender than others :)

Wed, July 18th, 2007 4:33am

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