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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

A new monster for the modern world.

A gang of six males all high of the time of day and the bravado of their friends company spied sitting alone on a bench waiting for a train a young male. He looked most vulnerable, easy picking and no challenge at all. They crowded around him, pushing and encouraging each other to go that little bit further. There is always one, the leader who has an evil heart. He pretends to bump into the youth, still quiet and fearful. Then he aggressively accuses the youth of jarring him. He encourages his friend to stand witness and then to revenge his presumed ills. The youth tried to ignore the threat, promises to try harder and apologises to the supposed injured party, but his actions only tempt the gang more. They don’t fear him and they love the feeling that the look of fear on the youth’s face gives them. They push further and risk more, jostling the frighted boy from one to the other, laughing at his fears and barking at him to increase his fright. They hit him, they beat him and someone knifes him and he falls into the puddle of his own blood, pissing and defecating much to their amusement. Then a cold wind blows along the track and a smell more foul than the corpse at their feet reaches their noses. One turns and stops dead in his tracks, the other spin fearfully to see what has paralysed him so.


Sliding towards them is a figure, dressed in a tattered grey trench-coat and stained hoddie. The hoodie is so deep that at first they cannot see the face of the figure. He reaches out a hand that is blistered and scabby, it misses a couple of fingers to a disease that has blackened their stumps. The figure lets out a heart-wrenching groan and moves a step closer. The gang cannot move, only rock back on their heels to avoid the festering hand. The figure lowers the hand and pulls free his hood revealing a face eaten out by cancer, but the bits that are left there is pity and sorrow, great sorrow in his eyes. He moves his other hand and pulls aside his coat to disclose a small child, skin and bones mainly, clinging to his leg. Even to the unprofessional eye of the gang they know the child is seriously ill.

‘Oh if I could but have warned you, but I was held at bay.’ the figure brays.

‘Warn us, warn us of what?’ one of the gang asks, they are too fearful of this figure to sport with him.

‘To not touch the jinx.’ The figure presses upon them.

‘What Jinx?’

‘ What is a Jinx?’ was asked by many of the gang.

‘That youth was a jinx, he lured you to attack him, just as he lured me and my friends. And now this is what I suffer for succumbing to the temptation.’ The gang looked from the figure to his child and then at each other before looking to their feet and learning that the youth was no longer there.

‘Where’s the fucking boy?’ the main bully yelled, daring to step closer to the figure of pestilence, the child tightened its grip and sobbed slightly. However the figure remained where he stood, there was nothing that bully could do to him that he was not already suffering for.

‘He was a jinx. You broke the law of man-kind so you opened yourself his rules. He could extract from you all he needs. He feeds on your suffering, the more you suffer the greater his feed, which is why he punishes the child. I love her with all of my heart and can do nothing to save her. She is dying a slow and painful death that no doctor can prevent because I succumbed as you did to the Jinx’s temptation.’

Submitted: November 10, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Epona. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:


Ben A Vanguarde

Creepy. Great story telling. I would have preferred the hooded victim not engage in a monologue but reveal his story through conversation. Why not rewrite it like that? Great story telling skill and technique. Imaginative.

Mon, November 17th, 2014 12:15pm


Thank You.
I will have to look at it again and see if it could work. Unfortunately I am a flow writer and never plan an attack, so it might not be improved.
Thanks again.

Wed, November 26th, 2014 9:52pm

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