And His Name Was a Moment

Poem by: Erikaj

Reads: 383 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 1

Event hough I only had you for a moment, I must say those were some of the sweetest moments I've ever had. That moment was so good that I want some more. That moment was so sweet and tasty.

I just love the way the juices from that moment would drip down my mouth when I would take a bite into it. The way that moment would lick my neck and kiss my lips, I was never able to remember anything once that started touching my body.

But you know the great think about that moment? I could talk to it and tell it my secrets, something I so rarely do with other moments. It's sad because that moment will never get to see the real me, it will never know how hard I struggled to keep it in my life.

The moment will never know that every bit of personal words I shared about myself was me stripping my soul bare and slowly allowing it into my heart.

People will ask what happened to that moment, but I won't have an answer because I am not sure what happened to the moment myself, but like my mommy the moment is gone now never to be replaced.

Yes, new moments will come and be created, but they won't last and they'll never be as sweet and juicy as that last moment was. After all, what can I expect from someone that calls himself a "moment"?

Submitted: September 04, 2018

Romance

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Comments

Louminescent

I like the story that this poem tells. I would take a second to proofread it and put into a more poetic structure so to enhance the overall narrative of the story. Additionally, I think you overused the word 'moment' to the point that it lost it's impact. Main ideas make a strong impression when they are used when they are needed and set up with suspense. You say the tittle so often that it loses it's impact by the time we get to the end. It could be a really great question to end the poem with if you sprinkled synonyms for 'moment' throughout the piece.

But overall good job! I enjoyed the narrative at work here.

Wed, September 5th, 2018 4:51am