You know the problem with you is

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Problems with someone you love/like that you can't say to their face...

Submitted: February 13, 2013

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Submitted: February 13, 2013

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It's like every time I see you, I have done something wrong. You look at me and your expression tells me I have hurt you. Yet when I ask you what’s wrong or have I done anything, it’s always “No…nothing, I’m fine.” Well I am getting tired of having to question everything I do, terrified of hurting you or scaring you; not that you ever do tell me anyway. I keep saying what I believe in and you seem to disagree. But here’s the thing, it’s not YOUR belief, you don’t HAVE to believe IT and I won’t force you into believing it either. It’s my belief, I follow it. Don’t shun me because I don’t understand yours or you don’t believe in mine.  I enjoy making myself feel beautiful by use of cosmetics and jewellery, yet what you don’t understand is that is the only time I feel beautiful and happy with my looks and when you say I look better without it, it makes it seem to me that when I feel beautiful you think I am the opposite. I wish you knew.

 

When I study, I do study. So I won’t spend every minute of my night on the phone to you or texting you. And even when I do call you, you are always having a conversation to someone else and it makes me feel like an unwanted third wheel to your conversation so I say I have to go and hang up. Still you don’t realise how much it hurts me when you do this, yet you expect me to drop everything I am doing to run around you. I’m sorry but it’s a two way street. If you don’t realise that I need you after calling you over 30 times in the space of ten minutes and you try calling me back one hour later once. That’s not trying. I’m sorry but that’s the truth. If you really tried contacting after an hour, 34 missed calls and over 10 texts, there’d be a lot more than just one missed phone call on my phone. However, there was only one. Then when you call me once and I miss it, I am in the wrong. It was one phone call I missed and if you really really needed me you would’ve called at least one more time, but you didn’t. Is that how hard you try?

 

If I’m out with my family and I stop texting you. It does not instantly mean that I am hurt by you, or you have done anything wrong; it just means that I am busy with my family. I’m sorry if it seems stupid or unlikely to you, but my family is the most important thing to me. My other relationships, friends or otherwise will always come second best to them. They are the only people I have known all my life, had major fights with, loved, hated and still loved again, and the only people I know that have not left me at any point in time. So when you demand my attention, or decide for me that it would be okay to cut into my time with my family for the idiotic things like a hug or a statement that you can easily get or say later, please realise that maybe its not your decision to make, it is my life. And I will decide how to spend my time, not you.

 

You don’t realise you do it, but every time something bad has happened to someone and everyone’s attention is on them instead of you, something bad suddenly occurs in your life. Do you realise how selfish and pathetic that is getting? Do you realise that someone that isn’t exactly stable-minded themselves would have a problem coping with the stuff that’s gone bad in their life and yours at the same time. Not everybody needs to know what you did every three seconds. Not everybody wants to know either. Yet you insist on making things to do with you priority. I am so sorry that you feel the need to subtract from someone else’s attention or help for your own gain.

 

When someone is having a down day and don’t want to talk about it to you, you tend to play the guilt trick on them. Making it so they feel guilty for the one time they do not talk with you. You are not the centre of the world, nobody orbits around you and nobody has too either. You do not need or require to know every single little detail to do with someone else’s life. It’s their life not yours, you’re a part of it, you are not the owner. Simple as that. This habit of yours gets on peoples nerves, they try to avoid you and then you have the choice of to continue or stopping this game of guilt you play. Your choice every time? Continuing.

 

When I’m out with my other friends, and you get jealous; get over it already. You aren’t my mother, you can’t choose my friends, you can’t choose when and where I go out with other people. Just because I am with them doesn’t mean something is going to happen. I am sorry if some of them are my exes, but whether I decide to still be friends to my past exes is not your choice. You do not control who, when, where, or what I do now, before and you never will.

 

If I decide to go for a walk at night or day alone, that is my choice. You can't stop me or change my mind. Please do not try to either.

 


© Copyright 2019 Erin Johnston. All rights reserved.

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