American Repartee (II)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: February 22, 2013

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Submitted: February 22, 2013



Scene 2



Mike, Dick and Alan are sat at the dining table in Alan’s dining room. Dining room looks pretentiously opulent. Gentle piano music can be heard. Dinner is already served and the men are already eating. Curtain rises, showing the men in the middle of a heated discussion.



Alan: ...which is why I disagree with the whole concept.


Mike: Yes, but we have become so accustomed to interest banking, that we will find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to sustain a successful economy without interest.


Alan: Not if we take heed of Lincoln’s monetary policy he wrote. “The government should not borrow capital at interest as a means of financing government” he stated. We should “create, issue and circulate all the currency and credit needed” to satisfy our spending power and the buying power of consumers! But, unsurprisingly when somebody wants to actually make America a better place, Lincoln was conveniently assassinated just before he published his genius.


Mike: Interest is a prominent pillar of our economic life, Al. Without it, our economy would collapse!


Alan: [Becoming frustrated] Mike! This so called ‘interest on debt’ is just the modern phrase for usury! Can’t you see? Greed is the motor of our economic life, and it shouldn’t be so.


Enter waiter with two more Champagne bottles.


Exit waiter.


Dick: [Opening champagne and filling up his flute] Al, give me two, simple reasons why you think interest banking is a son of a bitch.


Alan: [Filing up his champagne flute] Two simple reasons? I could easily give you three. Well, what is interest, to start of with?


Dick: Getting more money than you’ve lent, aint it?


Alan: Precisely. Interest means that money flows from the poor person [pause, drinks some champagne], who needs to borrow, to the rich person, who has money to spare. Which means-


Enter waiter. Takes all cutlery and plates. Gives cigars to all.


Interest is responsible for the constant growth of inequality!


Waiter: You are certainly correct, Mr Hardy!


Exit waiter.


Mike: Now that you put that way...yes. If you’ll excuse me, I need to relieve myself.


Exit Mike.


Dick: [Lighting cigar] I’m still not convinced Al. I th-


Alan: Secondly. If the interest rate stands at, lets say, err...2.5%, a company has to have grown by 2.5%the following year. Right? [Dick nods in agreement]. Well then, growing means using more resources, doesn’t it?


Dick: Yeah, I guess so.


Alan: Well then, interest is responsible for the depletion of global resources, correct?


Dick: Well, yeah, by that argument.


Alan: [Look of triumph] Well there you go! Two simple reasons.


Enter Mike


Mike:[Clapping] Bravo, Al. It sounds as though you studied economics at college, not politics.


Alan: [Smug] I did my minor in economics.


Mike: Ah, so you did.


Dick: I’m not surprise you’re not married, Al. You’d bore your wife within minutes with your economics crap.


Alan: I have been married, Dick. [Lighting cigar] ‘It was consequence of a misunderstanding between me and someone younger.’


Mike: I presume it was a Wilde marriage? [Chuckles]


Alan: Humph.


Mike: What of your mother and father? [Lighting cigar] You seldom talk of them.


Alan: They divorced when I was young. Mother was a school teacher and father was a milkman.


Mike: [Taking a puff] Ah, I see why they divorced. They must have been like chalk and cheese.


Alan: Very funny.


Dick: [Pause. Stands] George has his conference tomorrow, and I have no idea what he’s gonna talk about. [Pulls out mobile phone from pocket. Sits]


Mike: Well, if he sticks to what I wrote out for him, the buffoon should be fine. [Stands] Well, Al. It’s getting quite late, so Dick and I shall take your leave.


Alan: Ah yes. Until tomorrow then, gentlemen.


Exeunt Mike and Dick


Enter waiter


Alan: [To waiter] Politics is a messy affair. It only seems to work when it isn’t needed.


Waiter: You are certainly correct, Mr Hardy!



End of Scene 2. Curtain falls to classical piano music.

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