Tainted

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Cassie is a girl like you and me but instead, we live, she's dead. She's killed herself. She's the girl in the hallway you never care to say hello to. Cassie was never apart of your school clubs, or stupid cliques. She didn't care. She had hardly any friends, one person she could rely on. No parents, she was homeless.

Submitted: June 13, 2013

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Submitted: June 13, 2013

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Cassie is her name, and she isn’t a part of your meaningless groups or stupid school clubs. She’s dead; - she killed herself because she didn’t find meaning in life because she wasn’t in your meaningless groups or stupid school clubs. And you made fun of her for that, for not being in your stupid little group that only talks about which guy is cute or which girl he’s fucked now. Creating drama and she didn’t see meaning in talking behind people’s backs. Because she didn’t talk at all, not one peep left her lips in years. She’s mute. She wouldn’t talk for the world, not for anyone, if someone asked her a question she would act like it wasn’t her they were asking. Sooner or later they would just stop trying and ask someone else about what happened on Adventure Time last night because you missed the episode you already set a status about on your social networking site. She just didn’t care about pop culture or the internet; she didn’t have an interest in Facebook, Twitter, or MeetMe. She just didn’t care; she didn’t seem point in sitting at a computer looking at sixteen year olds, fascinating lives. She had better stuff to do. But she didn’t think that, she thought that the stuff that was better than what most people were doing was worthless. She thought she was worthless; she was poor, poor as they come by. She lived on the street all by herself. She loved her family but the day they were losing their house, was the same night she lost her family. Her mother came up to her in the middle of the night while she was in a deep slumber. Her mother told her.

“Come Cass, let’s go jump off that bridge you look off of and pull the ground up towards us really fast. Let’s live.” She said in a soft voice with tears strolling down her ivory cheeks.

Cassie was stunned; she was too young to understand what her mother meant. So she just nodded slowly towards her mother. Not a word, not a peep. She just got dressed and went outside in the middle of winter. When they walked to the bridge they looked down, the water was frozen her youngest sister stood up on the railing of the bridge and when her mother told Cassie to get on, she shook her head. And her mother just shrugged. She dove off holding her youngest child’s little cold hand and on the way down Cassie watched them fall to their deaths. Cassie’s tears fell to the ground and probably froze before it hit the ice anyways. She looked as their blood hit the snow, the dark red looked good with the white snow, she looked off of that very bridge, that very bridge that brought her peace and prosperity, and she cried. No weeps, just tears and a broken heart. She then started to think about jumping off that bridge. But she started to think about when her mother that jumping to your death is living. Could it be true? How can dying be living?

Well while Cassie is dying on the inside, she is idle and living on the outside. She’s living life like no other before; her life has changed now with her mind flashing back to the shrug her mother gave her before she leaped off the bridge. She shrugged like she didn’t even matter. How her daughter did not matter but the other could have the audacity to jump with her too young to know what she was doing. If she was old enough she would understand that she didn’t want to die either. But she had to go with her mum; she was at the stage of “Mother knows best” when sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you have to live by your own heart and mind, blackened by death and fear no matter. All that matters is that you’re your own person, but at such a young age you can’t, you have to be everyone’s person. . You have to be what they want you to be, and that’s something Cassie learned very slowly.

After the years went by that her parents died, she’s now in her second year of high school, and she didn’t have PTSD from watching her entire family fall to their death. She didn’t have friends because she didn’t want to get attached; she was terrified that it may end up exactly the same way. With death or some sort of tragedy.

Cassie for years lived her high school days the same as every day. Did homework, didn’t talk to anyone, she just stayed out of everyone’s way to be perfectly frank with it. But even though she was weaving her way through the crowds, she was like every other sixteen year old girl. She fell in love once, in love with a man whom she thought treated her right. Well, she thought he treated her like she’d deserved. Like a princess. That’s how this story is going to begin.

One day in high school she was trying to stay out of everyone’s way when a snobby girl from an upper class part of town and society. She mocked her constantly because she wasn’t wearing the newest Prada bag, or listening to the new One Direction album. As if any of her friends were either. Her name is Macey, Macey is you could say the most popular girl in school. She wasn’t that good looking; she just talked a lot of smack and gave out a lot of blow-jobs. She wasn’t classy at all, she was really very trashy. Well in that one day, Macey tripped Cassie with her shoe then blamed Cassie for smudging it. So she dumped her Starbucks Coffee on top of Cassie’s head and army messenger bag. Her school work was ruined, all because of a caramel macchiato. Well, while everyone laughed there was one man who stepped forth and helped out the poor homeless gal. The young man helped her up and took her bag, leading her away from the chaos to the nurse. The nurse at their school always had some other sort of clothing lying around for people that didn’t have a spare change.

They walked into the nurse’s office and told the nurse what had occurred, well, the boy did, Cassie wouldn’t talk. She was just so embarrassed about what happened to her. The nurse nodded and gave her a little blue button up shirt and some blue jeans, torn at the knees. She went into the bathroom to change but she was all sticky, so she took a wet paper towel and cleaned herself off quickly, she didn’t want to ruin the clothes the nurse had given her. She changed and walked out and into the nurse’s office.

“Now, can I have your mother’s number so that I can tell her what happened?” The nurse asked her right after she walked out of the bathroom.

Cassie just stood there, pale, and pink at the cheeks by her question. She just shook her head. The nurse started to get a little impatient towards the girl, most young ladies would have given her, her number to contact any parents. She looked up the number and there wasn’t one, just her school picture, how old she was classes, and medical records. Nothing about parents, not even an address. Cassie was getting even redder by the second and she turned instantly snow pale, almost a green tint when the nurse looked at her. She didn’t want to be put in a foster home, she just wanted herself. That’s all she wants right now. The boy was still there, he wasn’t looking at her, and he just kept his head down.

“Young lady, where do you live?” The kind nurse asked with a confused tone to her voice. Cassie shook her head and the nurse had tears already welled in her eyes. Cassie just didn’t care. She did, she was just used to it. So she didn’t cry, she found that she’s done too much of her life crying. She said it was practically pointless. So she just didn’t cry anymore. The nurse continued; “Do you have parents?”

Cassie got a sickening green, stuttered and then shook her head looking down at her feet. She couldn’t lie, especially to a woman that was ever-so-kind to her for no good reason. She just was, but she liked it when people were nice to her. It made her feel warm inside. She looked around then at the boy; he was looking at the girl like she was some lost puppy. Which in this case, she practically was, she sighed and opened her mouth. “They died.” She spoke and let her breath go, that was the first time she’d spoken anything in years. The boy looked back down to a depressing look, along with the nurse. She didn’t want people to mourn, she was done, why couldn’t they?

“Have you been to the doctor lately?” The nurse asked. And she watched Cassie shake her head. “Well, we’re going to have to run some tests.” The nurse said with a smile.

Cassie nodded and walked over to the nurse. First she got weighed. Eighty-one pounds, she lifted up her shirt and you could see her ribs as if they were out of the skin. She hasn’t eaten in ages. Next eye sight, she had twenty-twenty vision. Perfect. Then teeth, she had no cavities, they were good, and didn’t need braces. But she needed to eat more. She had no way to eat because she had hardly any money. But the nurse was nice enough to make her lunch everyday till the rest of her life. This wasn’t long from now.

~~~

Cassie from then was now a little bit more cheerful, she didn’t talk still, but she smiled some. And the boy she met, his name was Karsen. Karsen was nice, talented and ate lunch with Cassie and the nurse every day, he was her best friend. Once and a while she would talk to him but it would only be a couple of words. So it wasn’t an entire paragraph, she mostly wrote down her feelings. On a piece of scrap paper, napkin, paper towel, anything that was paper, she wouldn’t ever share them though, because after she was done writing them she would stuff them away in her bag deep down. So no one could see them.

Karsen would see her when he could, which was all the time. He was struck by her, he liked her, it was obvious. But lucky for him, Cassie was more than clueless. Sure, she would blush but please, she didn’t know the difference between fuck buddies and relationships. Well, that may be overdoing it.

But one day Cassie was in the hallway, Karsen confronted her and asked her out. Of course with a smile on her face Cassie said, and she actually said. “Yes. I would love to.” She told him with a bright smile and cheerful tone to her voice.

~~~

After only a few months, she really fell in love with Karsen, he was all she was thinking about, then one day, Macey told her that she was a whore then slapped her across the face leaving a mark. Then Macey walked up to Karsen like it was normal, and she kissed him. And he kissed her back. Holding her waist tightly, pulling her against his body. The sight made her shiver, and her heart fell to her stomach and he stomach dropped, making her want to throw up. Karsen pulled Macey away and he looked at Cassie with a sad look in his eyes, when he saw her tears drop down onto her ivory cheeks she looked down. Everyone then was calling Cassie the whore, the slut, the skank, the bitch.

Cassie went to school before she couldn’t take it anymore, the bullying, the lying, watching the love of her life fall for a complete bitch. She just couldn’t take the pain. She’d stopped talking, smiling, laughing, caring. All she did was sit and dwell. She tried to turn her life around, but she couldn’t handle it anymore, she would break down, she would actually cry in barren halls of the school while everyone else was in class, she couldn’t even make it to the bathroom. She just fell to her knees balling. Life was getting hard, but she felt to push herself more and more everyday she took a breath of polluted air that suffocated her, it should have made her lungs turn the blackest ebony there can possibly be. It made her look on the past and wonder why their family gave up so fast, was there a heaven? And if so, were they living more than before? If so, she would just love to see her mother again and he little sister. To seem forever young, and forget about the harsh goodbyes that tend to occur. And the stabs in the back by people you’ve trusted, none of that would seem the least bit relevant.

Cassie woke up on the bench by a school park, it was about three in the morning, the night was cold, as cold as it was that fateful night. She looked around, all it was, was darkness. Streetlights filled her eyes with the little amounts of light she was offered. She went to the school, it was still open. She sighed before she walked in. She clutched her back with fear, her heart about to pound out of her chest. She was dying, and she didn’t want to watch her erode from the inside out. She didn’t want to see that, and no one else did it seemed as well.

She entered the school, the air hit her face like a smack, and she walked to the bathroom and locked the door. She took out everything she’d ever thought on paper form her bag. Scattering them on the floor, like snow, to try and find the right one. When she did she gripped it in her hand ever-so-tightly. She took out the gun that she was clutching by the front entrance by the door through her bag. She looked at the piece of crumpled up paper that was still in her hand. She read it, and cried, her heart raced the memories of her and Karsen just tore her up into what she is now. She never learned to look forward. She didn’t have one soul for a friend. She’s had enough of it, the pain, the terror of being anymore hurt than she was now. She closed her eyes, her hand stopped trembling, and her heart began to beat a normal pace. He shoulders relaxed, her hand was let go from the fist that made her hand red. She pointed the gun to her head.

As the piece of paper dropped below with the rest, a bang echoed through the school, she dropped with the paper to the ground. Her blood shot against the wall and more of it seeped out of her head onto the floor. She always did like how the red mixed into the white well. It wasn’t snow, but it was snow white. 

~~~

When school started a girl entered the bathroom that Cassie was lying dead in, the girl cried and screamed, everyone entered the bathroom and saw Cassie lying in her own pool of blood, and thoughts. When there was a crowd around the bathroom door, Karsen pushed everyone out of the way, people crying, so shocked by the action before their eyes. Karsen saw her, Cassie, dead right before his eyes. He picked her up and held her crying to her. Tears streamed down everyone’s faces. Karsen screamed. Then a teacher walked up with wide eyes and ran to call nine-one-one. Karsen looked at Cassie with tears streaming down his face like a river going nowhere. He held her head, where the shot had entered the side of her head. There was blood in her dark hair and now on his hands. A few doctors took Cassie’s limp and lifeless body away from him. He cried in her pool of blood. He looked at all the papers that were on the ground, one didn’t stand out like the crumpled up piece of paper that was beside her head. A corner stained of her blood.

His eyes read the words, and he read them out loud. In a soft subtle voice, “There are seven billion forty-six million people on this planet, and some of us have the audacity to think we matter. But we don’t. If we could see the galaxy we can see how small all of us is. . . There are seven billion forty-six million people on this planet, and I have the audacity to say. I don’t matter.” 


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