REGRETS d//-b

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
I can still see her smiling at me in my dreams; but I still wake up in the reality that I had let her hand go.

Submitted: February 08, 2013

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Submitted: February 08, 2013

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“What..??? But why?! I thought you took those abortion pills I gave you?” Brad exclaimed as he firmly grasp the arm of Rose.

“Brad I’m hurting! Let go of my hand.” She demanded with tearful eyes.

“No, I won’t! Answer me first.” He was angry now. He looked straight at Rose eyes as he started to clutch her arm more tightly.

“Of course… I drank every single pill you gave me.” Rose sobbed and took his sight away from the blazing eyes of Brad.

“And why the hell you got pregnant?!” And Brad added, “You know what Rose? From the time you came into my life, all you brought are problems!” He suddenly dropped the hurt arm of Rose and started to face back from her. Rose just wiped the tears in her face and began to feel tremendous soaring in her left arm. But she didn’t mind about it because she was extremely overwhelmed by the unknown pain inside her chest.

“Brad, ? what will we do now?” She was crying. Crying very hard... She took the hand of Brad to find comfort, but he rudely took it from her.

“What will we do now?! Are you asking me that stupid question?! What do you think is best Rose, huh?!”

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Oh my God Rose! You’re really such a stupid. Of course you’re going to abort the baby before it’s too late!” He exclaimed.

As Rose heard those words, she felt sorry for herself. Brad never cared for her, or it wasn’t for her, then just even for the baby?for “their” baby.

. . . .

(Looking back)

Rose decided to tell Brad this early evening that she was 6 weeks pregnant, that the pills he gave to her didn’t work out. At first, she was hesitant to tell it to Brad thinking of his reaction. But she couldn’t bear it alone; she needed someone to share these burdens.

. . . . .

“Brad! Didn’t you hear what you’re saying? You’re asking me to kill our baby? My goodness... Sorry but I can’t. I don’t know how you can afford to say such things…” Rose frowned. She wanted to cry even more; she felt pathetic… but she chose to be strong for the baby.

“My dad will kill me if he finds out that my girlfriend is pregnant. Didn’t you understand that Rose?!” Rose just remained quite. And Brad added,

“Okay, I know that you’re stupid so I’m going to make it clear to you. First, we are both still studying. Second, we’re not ready to face such responsibilities, are we? Third, what will be the reaction of our parents if they find out, huh?! Think of it Rose.” Brad explained as he knit his brows.

“But Brad..?” She tried to disagree but Brad suddenly interrupted…

“Oh my God..! You’re dumber than I thought! If you won’t listen to me, then you’re going to choose between us… Lose the baby? Or lose me?” Brad was serious. The fact that his dad will kill him from the moment that he finds out made him desperately eager in loosing the baby.

While hearing those words, it really dug a hole in Rose’s heart. She couldn’t even tell where the pain was or where it came from; all she knew was all parts of her body were hurting, very painful that her mind blackens. She couldn’t say a word aside from a single sob that escaped her throat.

Brad added, “All right, I knew it. From this time on, you’ll never see me and I don’t want to see your face either; unless, you abort the child.” And he started walking away from Rose, leaving her with nothing but a deep and incurable wound.

She was alone now – alone to face such responsibility that Brad left her.

Rose’s pain was inexplicable this time. Her thoughts were full of confusions, regrets and despair. She was left dumbfounded by the man she loved the most.

. . . . .

After half an hour of walking without knowing where she was going, as she looked around her, she saw the park where she and Brad always went through. She decided to go there and sit in a moment. All she could ever think that time was Brad. For her, this was the hardest situation she had ever gone through. Is she going to abort her baby? But could she live in a day without Brad in his side? Rose can’t decide. It can’t carry her conscience to kill the child, but she love Brad enough to lose him. She felt as though her head will burst.

While watching above the darkest sky, a thought came in her mind. She remembered that today was Brad’s and her second anniversary. A smile suddenly carved in her lips; but as she remembered that Brad was already gone in her life, the smile faded – and suddenly a single tear escaped from her eyes. She tried to hold it back, but the pain was too strong and she can’t help herself but let those tears flow.

For almost two years of being together, Rose endured all the hurtful things Brad said and done to her ? just because she loves him so much. She didn’t care if Brad always called her stupid, idiot or whatever; she didn’t care if how many girls Brad had even they were still committed; she didn’t mind if Brad always put her in embarrassment. She bore all of this. Brad never heard even a single word from her, Rose was too afraid to lose Brad in his life that she even swallowed her pride just to be with him. But now she have enough, she had given Brad everything – everything she has; but still ? she remained unappreciated in his eyes.

Rose was an introvert person, while Brad was exactly an extrovert one. Both their worlds are revolving in different axis, totally different with each other. Rose couldn’t even remember how there love story started, but then one day, she just woke up loving him already.

She remembered one particular moment when she argued with Brad because she saw him with another girl. But as usual, even though it was Brad’s fault, it ended up “her” fault. That’s why she always just remained quiet though she’s badly hurting.

. . .

Brad was lying in his bed. For almost 3 hours, he tried to shut her eyes and sleep. He tried to get off his mind about what Rose had told her, but he couldn’t. It continued to play and replay in his mind.

“And why the hell should I think about it? It’s her problem. I told her to abort the child, but she won’t follow me. Now, she’ll face it alone.” Brad thought. He was trying to convince his self that he had nothing to do with it. He don’t care, perhaps he had already told her his opinion. It’s her problem to reject it... After all this time, the pride of Brad was immovable – well even before.

. . . .

The next day came…

At school Brad tried to search Rose with his eyes in the cafeteria but he didn’t saw her. Days passed but no Rose had appeared. Weeks gone by and Brad started to worry about her.

One day, he decided to ask one of Rose’s classmates about her.

“Hey Tracy…!” Brad called.

“Oh Brad. What can I do for you?” Tracy answered as she smiled.

“Ah nothing, I just want to ask if Rose went to school this morning.”

“Rose? My God Brad, it’s almost two weeks since I saw her. What’s the problem with her? Her grades were starting to decrease.” She informed him. Suddenly, Brad felt guilty of what he had done to her. He stopped for a moment.

“Brad..?! I’m asking you if she has a problem so I can help her.”

“Problem..? Ah no. She has no problem Trace.” Brad forced himself to smile and he added, “Rose was sick this past few weeks and she needed to take rest. But maybe she can make it to school next week.”

“Ah good to hear that… tell her to be in school as soon as she gets well because our professor told us that if she continues to leave classes, she’ll surely can’t make it to graduate.” She uttered.

. . . . .

BAAAANG! Brad’s guilt was doubled this time. Knowing that Rose was one of the Dean’s Lister in their school ? he couldn’t even imagine that she can’t make it to graduate. Now, he wanted to confront Rose and tell her that he had change his mind; that he’ll allowed the child to live. But, his PRIDE won’t allow him to do that.

. . . . .

Dusk came as Brad was walking home; he was surprised to see Rose sitting in one of the benches ? ten meters away from him. He saw Rose gripping a particular drink that she hated the most, but he loves a lot. And he started to feel aching in his chest. Rose saw him and they looked at each other. Brad could see the hurt in Rose’s eyes. As he stared at her, he could almost feel the pain that Rose was going through that time. Rose looks worn out and gloomy. She seemed tired in carrying the burdens of the world alone. Brad wanted to come closer and take away the liquor in her hands, but his damn pride couldn’t take to do that. So he decided just to walk away and never look back.

. . . .

Morning came… Just a minute after Brad woke up, Jake – his friend called him.

“Do –do ?do you hear the ? news?” Jake asked him with voice trembling.

“Hey dude, just calm down. Ha-ha-ha...” Brad laughed and he added, “What news bro?”

“Rose was dead Brad. She’s dead last night.” Jake uttered.

As Brad heard those words, he couldn’t believe it. Last night? No, impossible. He had seen her last night at the park, so how could it be that Rose was already dead?

“It’s –it’s not a good joke –bro. ha-ha-ha. You’re re?really a joker.” Brad forced his self to laugh to hide his quivering voice.

“Its true bro... I’m sorry.”

“he?hey..? Just slow down bro, explain what happened?” Brad was starting to panic. His tears wanted to come out already but he held it back as best as he could.

“Rose was pregnant bro! Didn’t she inform you? My God, her mom called me this early morning that Rose went to an abortionist last night to abort the baby, not even thinking the possibility that she might also be killed. And alas, she had lost lots of blood which resulted to some complications that caused her death. I really felt sympathy for her mom; she won’t stop crying until now.”

Brad’s phone suddenly dropped on the floor. He could hardly believe it. For him, this was all a bad dream – a nightmare, and he wanted to wake up.

Nothing occupies his mind now but all are memories of Rose. He will miss her – so much. He will miss those “motherly advices”; he will miss her hugs, her smiles, and the sound of her laugh; he will miss the times with her; the foods she had cooked for him and everything, everything about Rose.

And Brad started to wonder if he can ever still find a girl like her. And he began to cry. “This was my entire fault!” Brad shouted inside his room.

His face was almost wet with tears. He can’t stop himself from crying. “If I didn’t only force Rose to abort the child, she’s surely still alive until now. This was my fault! – my fault..!” Brad destroyed every single thing inside his room. He blamed himself to what happened to Rose, he had killed her – and their baby… He’ll never be happy again; he was fully chained with regrets, guiltiness and turmoil in taking Rose for granted.

. . . .

Years passed but Brad couldn’t still forget about his mistakes in the past. The wounds are still fresh. The guilty feeling and regrets he had before are still chained in his neck.

“I can still see her smiling at me in my dreams; but I still wake up in the reality that I had let her hand go.” Brad thought. >_______<


© Copyright 2020 Eunice Garcia. All rights reserved.

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