The Loving I Lost

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

A reflection on losing love.

I woke up this morning with a clouded mind. My vision has been slightly blurred and my thoughts are muddled, churning in my head never really eventuating into any finalized product. I know I was thinking of you last night, and it has really perpetuated the symptoms of heartache I feel knowing I wronged you. This debilitating sickness that encompasses my every waking moment shows physical signs, not just mental degradation. My heart races, my body feels weak, and a pressure in my forehead reminds me that it was you, I invested so much in.

Like a phantom in the twisted dream of some lost soul, I meander through the day never feeling complete. The once-full spot you inhabited in my heart stays vacant, waiting for the next traveler capable of your magnetism and charm to book their stay. It seems I have held your reservation, however, never letting go of the hope that you will return to claim your spot. Life drove a wedge in our plans, the road forked ahead of us, veering the once inseparable love we had in different directions. This winding road often strays further apart, but sometimes, it seems that it is leading towards a forthcoming merge, only to cast off again.

I long for a fulcrum point where the force I have exhorted balances the load that I have carried on my shoulders since our departure from love and we have a chance do that old dance again. A meeting place that erases the past and propels our future. A place we can go to feel renewed, never forgetting what hardships I put you through, but knowing this time will be easy. Yes, people can change. For better, for worse, for nothing, we never stay the same. All we can do is learn from experience and strive for perfection in all aspects of life.

Your love provided a test for me, a test that I failed. Like any exam, a second chance would surely effectuate a better result. I stay forever in your debt, hoping that the wrongs I have perpetuated will be righted by some act of retribution. An act I simply cannot fathom at the time, but hopefully one day, will unveil itself to me before it is too late. Before you find the next reason to smile. Before I lose a part of myself for good.

Whatever the case, I’ll always love you. I just hope you can love me again, too. 


Submitted: December 22, 2014

© Copyright 2022 Evan Musto. All rights reserved.

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