Standing, Waiting

Reads: 426  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 3

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is actually called 'Waiting', but Booksie doesn't allow more than one piece with the same name, even if that piece is not yours. How stupid is that?

He stands on the edge of the pier and waits.
A chilling wind whispers around,
Turning him from man to shell.

 

His heart pumps feebly to spread warm life 
It keeps on beating, though it is tired. 
It keeps on beating, though it is tired.

 

The haar, not lifting, has life of its own, 
Clouding his mind (though he doesn't yet know). 
He wonders and wonders and yet gets nowhere.

 

He stays and waits for the cycle to - 
He shivers and in the distance hears
Children’s cries of laughter, innocence.

 


Submitted: December 15, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Ewanhector. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Chibica

I really got sucked into this one! Great poem, however the last stanza doesn't make sense to me. I can't help but feel like it doesn't fit into the poem but maybe that's just me... (English is my 4th language

Mon, December 15th, 2014 11:12am

Author
Reply

Hi Chibica,

Thank you for your comment. I'm glad you like it. Could you try and describe why the last stanza doesn't seem to fit?

Mon, December 15th, 2014 4:26am

Chibica

oy half my comment disappeared o.o freaking ipads... rest of comment:

(English is my 4th language so I don't really understand everything too well, I'm mainly here to learn English a bit more fluently) Could you please explain your last stanza so I'd understand? n.n

Mon, December 15th, 2014 1:00pm

Author
Reply

Hey. I intend it to be a comparison between where his life is now and where it used to be. When I first wrote it I spent half the poem considering children and half on him. Does that make sense?

Wed, December 17th, 2014 1:09pm

smircle

This is an interesting piece: it's rather harrowing, with what the "whispering winds" and "distant cries". There's definitely a gloomy, dark atmosphere about the piece, like something has happened to him between the years of childhood and adulthood. The last stanza seems as though he can hear his past self's laughter, which is very different from his current "shell" state. Your imagery's good and it's short, but makes the reader think, which is never a bad thing. Good job with this; keep writing :)

Sun, December 21st, 2014 8:11pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for your comment. I am really encouraged by the fact you understood it and that it made you think. I will be posting more during the 12 days of Christmas.

Mon, December 22nd, 2014 8:15am

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